Its_Rock77
Anthony Green Fanboy <3
Join date: Jul 2007
1,501 IQ
#1
well, this one's been in the making for a couple months now. I wrote the first minute or so awhile ago and just came back to finish it over the past couple days.

IMO, it sounds great. could possibly be the best song I've ever written. It's a toss up between this one and 4-5-7 (if there's any one who remembers that song just from that title, I love you )

but I digress. It was Circa Survive influenced, and then it became kindof At the Drive In influenced, and then it just kinda flew off. tell me what you think. I'll definitely give you a crit back.


and I'm not really liking what I have for the outro solo thing as well as how it kinda just ends, but whatever.


Edit: sorry to those of you who might be misled by the thread title. I do not in fact have an MP3 of this song. I went out of my way to actually record the GP5 so you could hear it the way you should hear it but then soon found out that UG's not able to upload 2 thousand kb files. and then I forgot to change the title. so sorry again!
and also, like usual, my songs are pretty much made for GP5. it sounds like crap on 4.


Edit: New version up. I extended it a bit, but there will still be more. tell me whether or not the Alternate Chorus really fits the song. It feels a bit too pop rock to me but I'm not sure. :/
Attachments:
3-0-5-0-7-0-10.zip
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
Last edited by Its_Rock77 at Sep 5, 2008,
Friendly Stoat
Call me Sam.
Join date: Jan 2007
1,094 IQ
#3
Hey, you did a crit of mine, so I thought I'd do one of yours

I can definetly hear the Circa Survive influence in this song- it's got some really nice melodies and then a pretty heavy chorus, and it flows really well. The solo sounds good from bar 93 onwards, the bit before that isn't so good IMO but not terrible either. I agree with you about the ending - perhaps you could put in a chorus but with just clean guitar or something like that? Just a suggestion and it's a bit short I think. But what's there is really good and well written. 8/10
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onebetter
User Registered
Join date: Aug 2006
1,268 IQ
#4
Wow, I loved it. It had a very unique sound that I don't hear very often. It actually reminded me most of The Fall of Troy and The Mars Volta.

The verse is very cool. It's got a nice groove, which is even cooler because its in 3/4. It's nice to see some rock music experimenting with time signatures. I like the layered guitars too, the broke up the monotony really well.

Chorus. Holy crap. This was easily my favorite part. This part really made me think of the mars volta, especially the drumming. The transition back into the verse was very well executed, too.

The outro (which seems awfully long for an outro) is also really good, but some of the notes on the lead sound a little off, like at 87 and 88. Also, like you said, it seems to end rather abruptly. I think it needs to announce the transition into the final bars better, but the basic framework is there.

The biggest complaint I have is that its just too short. For what appears to be a very progressive rock song, it ends too quickly and feels underdevelopped. You could simply take what you have already and transition into another section, then bring it back around to the choruis to end it or something. Its a good song and it should be longer.

Overall, very very good song. It has a unique sound, but could use some more length. 9/10.

Give my new one a look?
Prog Metal
ninja.kitty
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2007
2,340 IQ
#5
the verse riffs are amazing...

the chorus sounds pretty tight...

there are a few notes in the outro that dont seem fitting, but thats just me...

and its pretty short too. like friendly stroat said, you could throw in a clean chorus, or like a break/bridge sorta thing. just a suggestion.

but it is definately amazing. you have proved yourself to have a 9/10, just cause it was short :P
icronic
...
Join date: Aug 2004
2,638 IQ
#6
This has got to be the coolest thing I've heard from you yet. Awesome, really.

As mentioned, it's too damn short.

The drums kind of bothered me in verse 1 though, it's not that there's anything wrong with it per say, I just thought it was a little too fast too soon, and it might be better if you kind of worked into that fast beat that you've got instead of just starting with it.

Love the guitar part for the verses, they kick ass.

The chorus is really powerful, I love it. It's also really got a mars volta ATDT feel to it, which only makes me love it more.

I thought the outro was great too, but you're right it does kind of just end rather suddenly. It felt like the song could have gone on a ways longer before it ended.

Have you checked out my newest one yet?
Its_Rock77
Anthony Green Fanboy <3
Join date: Jul 2007
1,501 IQ
#7
holy good reception batman!

thanks guys. I agree that it's too short. I was planning on having the outro actually just be an interlude. I'll see how that goes.
But compared to the mars volta? that's quite an honor.
I appreciate all the feedback guys. I will be editing accordingly.

but first I shall return your crits.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
ShredderA7X
UG's Ninja
Join date: Aug 2008
104 IQ
#8
Wow, That was cool! I dont listen to this music but I enjoyed this alot. The Verse's Riff seemed to keep on going for Too Long. But with some more variation I'd like to see more songs from you. Your a good Songwriter
Slaytanic1993
Wakka wakka
Join date: Jun 2007
2,620 IQ
#9
Overall, I thought it was pretty awesome. The intro, the chorus, the everything.

I would totally buy an album of your stuff, /suckupness.

Anyways, onto the song.

The Chorus was excellent, as I said. Very in your face while being very melodic as well. The lead bits in the outro were cool, albeit tiring until the pentatonic moment (for me, for whatever reason, I enjoy pents more).

I thought it was ridiculously short.

I was sitting there gaping in awe at the length. No. If it would've been longer, I might've even liked it more than 4-5-7.

As for c4c, I don't think you'd quite enjoy my newest work .

9/10.
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Skillet_Panhead
UG's #1 Panhead
Join date: Mar 2008
701 IQ
#10
wow, for being on a completely different spectrum from what I listen to/prefer musically, that was great. I was a huge fan of the drumming and the 2nd guitar track all the way through, I wish it was longer. You should definately go with that idea you had about turning the outro into an interlude, because it's just too good to leave there. 8/10
(btw, I was a little curious so I tuned the instruments all down a half step, and it sounded even better that way, I thought)

Care to take a look at mine? That'd be great
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=943853
You'll be looking for my update on my most recent post. Thanks!
Its_Rock77
Anthony Green Fanboy <3
Join date: Jul 2007
1,501 IQ
#11
hey, slay I'll listen to anything of yours also.


and I'm gonna put up my "newer" version I guess. It's not a so called finished song anymore but I want you guys to kinda get a feel of where I'm going. not really sure if I like the next bit or not. It seems to totally turn the song to something else, but I might use the riffs for another piece.

I'll get you guys your crits tomorrow. I promise.


Edit: changed my mind after listening to what I have again. it's just not good enough to share yet. but a longer better draft of this one will be up for your listening pleasure sometime in the next couple days.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
Last edited by Its_Rock77 at Sep 3, 2008,
alaub1491
The Rouge Keyboardist
Join date: May 2006
565 IQ
#12
I dig it. i couldnt really set it to a genre but it was pretty awesome.

Personally the outro and the outro solo was my favorite part so it goes to show you cant always judge your own music.

I could see this being in the title of like an action/adventure video game.
Its_Rock77
Anthony Green Fanboy <3
Join date: Jul 2007
1,501 IQ
#13
dude, do you have any songs for me to return the crit? I searched for threads by you and there weren't any. :/ but if not, thank you so much for taking the time to listen without the sole intention of receiving a crit in return.

and new version is up. not that much longer so I think I'm still gonna add on to it.
but I'm not sure if I'm satisfied. it seems to take a really big turn to a pop rocky sound during the alternate chorus. do you guys like it? I'm on the edge.
enjoy!
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
MattAnderson111
Registered User
Join date: Dec 2007
4,155 IQ
#14
I listened to this song half asleep, so mind you, my crit wont be as detailed as it would usually be, NOW, onto the song.

The bass was awesome, it wasnt to techinical but it gave the whole song a good thump.

I loved the verse ( i i think) the , 7,5,7,0,7,5,7,4,7,9,7,9 ETC. that part, i didnt like the chorus, it may just be me.

Overall 7.454325904 and a half.
Poop.


Yes, poop.
bakshandloomis
Ug's Metalcore fanboy
Join date: Sep 2006
519 IQ
#15
Thanks for the crit!
The verse was fantastic, great job here. I wasn't really too fond of the lead during the chorus. The interlude/solo was really good. The part following the solo, was awesome, very progressive. The alternate chorus was really good, too. So, I only found two problems, the lead over the chorus, and I think it was too short, I think you should lengthen it up a bit.
8.5/10
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Julz127
And.
Join date: Mar 2008
1,065 IQ
#16
I cant say i really like the intro part, but at the 19th bar it gets really good, the verse is really cool, could do with a bit of work, and the chorus and everything else is great.
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kylendm
Baronboi
Join date: Aug 2006
8,281 IQ
#17
I like the intro a lot. It's something different. I Couldn't really get into your chorus though. The leads were a bit odd to me, but that's just me. The interlude had a cool solo i liked it a lot. . The Alternate Chorus was cool. It flowed nicely and it was easy to get into. Over all good song and thanks for the Crit of my most recent song
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Its_Rock77
Anthony Green Fanboy <3
Join date: Jul 2007
1,501 IQ
#18
hmmmm....it seems like a bunch of people don't seem to like the chorus leads. may I ask what more specifically is wrong with them?

I quite like the fast paced sound.

but thank you all so much for taking the time to listen.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
Jamoose
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2007
108 IQ
#19
Thanks for criting mine.

Just heard this and i'll be honest, what genre is this? I don't think I've heard of Circa Survive.

It was really good. The chorus sounded very original to me and the lead part over it was amazing. The solo all the way through was impressive and kept changing into something new which made it more interesting.

I can't really rate this because i don't know much about this genre, but it was really good.

I would add one thing, which probably wouldn't matter: Instead of ending the alternative chorus with a pounding chord, I imagined it better repeating and fading out slowly at that point.

Just a thought.
Its_Rock77
Anthony Green Fanboy <3
Join date: Jul 2007
1,501 IQ
#20
I myself don't really even know what genre this is nor what Circa Survive is. I like to call them "awesome." fits perfectly IMO.


and I would do the fade out chorus at the end, but that's the exact way my last song ends so I wanted to kindof mix it up.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
Skillet_Panhead
UG's #1 Panhead
Join date: Mar 2008
701 IQ
#21
YES! That's what it needed! Every bit of what you added was AMAZING! Had me bobbin' my head like no tomorrow. Those were some sweet grooves you added in there. I'll just re-itterate what I said in my 1st post that I don't listen to anything remotely near this musically, but I enjoyed every bit of it (heh, maybe I should start listening to some of this style ). The drums had a very cosmic feel to it, which I enjoyed every bit as much as the first go-round. A 9/10 for the great additions. Please, PLEASE, record this somehow. I wanna hear it played in real life (no, rse isn't good enough, except for the drums, lol)
Its_Rock77
Anthony Green Fanboy <3
Join date: Jul 2007
1,501 IQ
#22
dude, did I crit yours then ask for a second crit of the same song. sorry man. but I'm glad you enjoyed the added section.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
Of_Wolves
Silver Satellite Eyes
Join date: Feb 2007
718 IQ
#23
I enjoyed it. As you said in crit of mine "right down my alley".

Now the lead in the chorus I thought was pretty darn good. Although I fear it might be a bit to cluttered if vocal were added, but then again it works for Omar and co. so I don't see much problem. The only thing about the chorus I don't like is that really random A#, it really throws me for some reason.

As for genre, well, At the drive in tend to get pigeon holed into post-hardcore and on the subject of Circa Survive, well, I would called it a sort of alternative-y version of the same genre, but I'd probably get beaten for say something like that lol. Ah well :P

Personally I think the stuff you've add works reeeally well, I love that riff before the alt chorus and that chorus itself... well, I don't think its too poppy, its got a nice melodic-ish feel to it that the rest of the piece seems to lack in my tastes, I dunno, Its a really nice change. Well done!

I've listened to some of your other stuff in the past and personally this is one of my favourites, second only to -tries to remember the name of it- ... 4-5-7? right? Thats was awesome too.

Anything of this style gets my vote.

looking forawrd to more stuff from you!
Last edited by Of_Wolves at Sep 12, 2008,
Madzää
Failing at n00b language
Join date: Apr 2008
1,550 IQ
#24
Nice one Love the Verses, nice what you did with the bass there. Not too fond on the drums, tho. Kinda seemed to kill the creepy mood. And then there comes the chorus: In fact, I hated the lead. were those 16th notes runs necessary? They seemed to kill everything in there. Verse repetition, Chorus again, Interlude is nice Nice melodic solo, but the phrasing in the part after it is kinda, I don´t know, maybe rewrite it a bit. I hate the breakdowny riff after it, tho, it kinda didn´t seem to follow with the song. LOVE the alternate chorus much more than the normal one, and why did you end it so quick? 16 bars would be so much nicer than just the 8 8/10 for a good work!
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Melodic_Rocker
Registered Loser
Join date: Mar 2008
699 IQ
#25
very nice, i loved the bass line. it was very catchy. the only thing that i didnt really like was guitar 2 in the chorus, but other than that its a great track. 9/10
tincsi666
progmetal <3
Join date: Dec 2006
456 IQ
#26
kinda underground music but i liked it . great i think, especially the chorus.
im waiting for your crit :P
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=963236
IamBeast
I PLAY BASS
Join date: Apr 2007
150 IQ
#27
really solid effort, my favorite bit is easily the interlude/solo. i can see a lot of effort is put into the solo and it shows. although youve used alot of simple ideas, youve warped them into a fairly complex song by getting all the simple ideas and meshing them all together, and it works.
the drums were abit too tinny in the first verse (cymbal heavy) and a bit too fast for a start.
anyway i made some of the changes you suggested on mine if you wanna check it out
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=16421817#post16421817
but not the Tritones, i love the tritones (prog metal influence)
overall a solid 8
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Regression
Registered User
Join date: Dec 2007
611 IQ
#28
At 2:30 am this stuff is just far to much.

The lead guitar in the chorus, it's just a bit to unexpected, and not in a good way.

Not really much I can add that hasn't been said already. I really liked the alternate chorus, it was the standout part of the song for me. And for the ending, change it some how, leaving that chord for so long is just painful to my ears. Yes, you can probably blame general midi and the fact that I've had these headphones on for like 5 hours, but I still would like it changed.
Its_Rock77
Anthony Green Fanboy <3
Join date: Jul 2007
1,501 IQ
#29
well it's looking like I'm probably gonna have to change the chorus guitar sine I think maybe 1 person liked it.


but I don't know, cause I still really like it. I worked hard on that part. maybe I can use it for a different song or something...
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
recklessnick
Almost Wasted
Join date: Oct 2006
4,633 IQ
#30
verse 1 is good, but not great, im not sure whats missing for me either,
the lead guitar for the chorus is awesome, the whole part just flows really well, might wanna add a little more drum rolls to make it sound more... "intense", thats like the climax of the song if you will.
i did not like the interlude very much, the lead guitar parts could use some work, but the part after that when it gets heavier, is awesome too.
nothing much to say about the "breakdown" that comes along afterwards, could be longer i guess.
i did not like the alternate chorus either, sounds very.... jungle pop, lol. i dont know, im trying to describe the sound in my head.
overall, it was good and its something i would want to hear, 8/10
huevos
Signt, oo Jaed?
Join date: Feb 2007
1,892 IQ
#31
I was like,"This is crap! I just see numbers and music staffs flying by!"


Then I turned up the volume...


I was like...hmm. Tasty treats.
I couldn't hear the shredtastic spasms the first time through, so it was a welcome delight.

You shouldn't make it longer. That feeling of wanting more is better than overstaying your welcome.
I think the ending is perfect. Don't screw with this.
It's already a 9.5/10, so there's room for improvement. But with a song like this, it's best left alone.
sbikram
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2005
103 IQ
#32
i enjoyed listening to it...
i liked the octavian idea...
and the drumbeats...
cheers!!
c4c?? track's on my profile..
Its_Rock77
Anthony Green Fanboy <3
Join date: Jul 2007
1,501 IQ
#33
sorry for the bump, but I just want to let you guys know that I will crit your songs when I get the chance but I have no time now. sorry.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...