#1
Crit4Crit
It's been a while, I've gotten kinda selfconscious about my writing since I don't show it to anyone hardly, sometimes I think it's good only to later think it's complete crap.

____

I tied seven balloons to an anchor
at the end of the dock.
(pop pop)
Dare they have more persistence than I,
(pop pop)
They'll never touch the sky.
(pop pop)
No matter how hard they try.
(pop.....pop)
Last edited by stratkat at Sep 3, 2008,
#2
Well it's very good, but maybe a bit short? Also it should be "Dare they have more persistence than I," rather than then I but that's an extremely minor error. I like it a lot.
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#3
Expansion, Kyle. The imagery is very contained, very tediously packed in when you could have gone deeper, more emotion into this and given us a bigger (and slightlier cleverer) payoff.

Still, nice to know you're still writing.
#4
I actually really liked it. More because of what it didn't say than what it did. Sometimes those are the best pieces. Maybe it just struck a chord with me.
This is not a pipe