#1
The King of Spain 1902
Calls to us from 3 across
But my snowman needs a carrot
Now I am at a loss

Hearts and stars in blue ink
In a daze no thought to note
Frantic words come ever faster
In a class well stocked with coke

God send me to Mexico
He said 'I'll meet you in the sand'
I was on my way half an hour ago
But my alarm had other plans

We don't need to sleep tonight
Tax my thoughts, steal my dreams
The slope is steep, but I feel the breeze
You sleepy visions just won't fool me
You just won't fool me

Rainbows watch me toil in vain
Whispers, coloured mist - my name
I'll see you there in summertime
With crossword done and snowman blind
#2
i like all the imagery... it really creates alot of images when I read it... the only thing i would say is that I don't quite understand the story haha... i love it though i would really be interested to hear this to music...
#3
this song has a really deep meaning into it and a lot of imagination involved...good job
#4
This is stoned writing. Well rhymed, and beading the offbeat, vicious cycles and prominence taken from environmentally sound inspiration, thieved from he world around, as opposed to divine power of pen - it's rock with a semi-intelligent edge that takes the focus off the girl and puts it on a god, perhaps they're one in the same.

The next class will be more entertaining. It always is.
#6
I didn't realize till like halfway through this was talking about a dream, but it's awesome. The confusion adds to the badassidy.


The King of Spain 1902
Calls to us from 3 across
But my snowman needs a carrot
Now I am at a loss
I like how this is sort of all over the place. Didn't really get the point of the second line though.

Hearts and stars in blue ink
In a daze no thought to note
Frantic words come ever faster
In a class well stocked with coke
It's kind of hard to critique something nonsensical like this. But hell, it sounds cool and it leaves me thinking, so it gets the thumbs up.

God send me to Mexico
He said 'I'll meet you in the sand'
I was on my way half an hour ago
But my alarm had other plans
I'm not usually a grammar nazi, but it should be "God sent" if you're in past tense... It's bugging me. This is the part where I realized that it was a dream, and I was like "oh cool. dreams are awesome." I hate that when you're mid-awesome-dream and you're woken up by an alarm or something. This describes that pretty well.

We don't need to sleep tonight
Tax my thoughts, steal my dreams
The slope is steep, but I feel the breeze
You sleepy visions just won't fool me
You just won't fool me
This is my favorite stanza in the whole thing. The imagery is awesome at the beginning, and the way you repeat yourself at the end is almost a little psychotic and draws me more into the song. Only thing is, I don't know if you need the word "just" it seems to take a little from the feeling here.

Rainbows watch me toil in vain
Whispers, coloured mist - my name
I'll see you there in summertime
With crossword done and snowman blind
I liked how you referenced back to that damn snowman at the end. The whole thing sort of seemed to weave around randomly, like a dream does, and I thought that was cool. I enjoyed this piece alot.


Here's my latest piece if you get a chance to crit it.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=950704