You can hear the song at my myspace. A Great Silence

I saw a slow parade
March through the center of town
The dead leaves on the ground
And I saw a slow burning sun
In a pale and shaking sky
It wouldn't shed any light
And I dreamt of a vengeful God
Who spread his feathered wings
And threw me to the sea
And there on the ocean floor
Where gathered thousands more
Crying out "Oh, Lord."
And he said

There will be an end to all things
And an end to all you love
There will be a dying breath
And a step into the dark alone
But you aren't going home
No, you aren't going home

I heard a sick and sighing cough
Like a steady rain
A dull and distant pain
I heard a dying mans last words
The silent song he sang
Before his soul gave way
And I dreamt that I was ghost
That I wasn't alone
That I was going home
And I heard my brothers speak
And I felt such love.
Yes, I felt such love.
The first verse was very hard to take in. There were so many images, so many scenes that it was hard to understand what was going on until the end of the stanza. I suppose it was like broken pieces of a life, and I just wished you'd take it a bit slower, that there was a bit more in between.

The next stanza was very opposite in that sense, it was very concentrated and focused, and it was a difficult combination. Not to mention it was a bit depressing... It could do with a hint of something good. Especially the way it ends. Maybe it's just me.

I did like the last stanza, it was very wholesome and was a very fitting and solid ending, and it did counter the previous stanza a bit, so it helped a lot with the piece in general.

I don't think there's anything specific I can comment on, the technique of writing is very well done other than a bit of intensity of images in the beginning, I just think that the emotions and underlining ideas can be blended in more between the stanzas.

I listened to the song too, it had a very nice (and fitting) feel to it.
This is not a pipe