#1
Tell me what you think. Good or bad, i'll welcome it all. Thx

Street Lights

I walk as it starts raining,
Look up, the street lights fading,
Thinking is this not like I?
Fading away, blending like the sky?

As I go on and leave that place,
The place that I lost my pace,
The place that I lost my way,
Go on and face a new day

I think
Not about others,
World peace
Or even the apt. lease

Its all about me
My life
My lies
My alibis

How I try and blend
Just to fit in
How I try to be
All that you need

I think,
Then I realize,
Its not that easy,
Like I had thought inside

You push,
I change,
You rush,
I rearrange

I look up in the sky,
It blends, like I,
I fade away,
Just as the street lights fade
Last edited by tjfishrocker at Sep 3, 2008,
#3
Everything sounded great except for stanza 1 and 3. They sorta confused me and left me standing. I'd say your talent as a writer shines above most of the writers on this forum. I look forward to hearing from you.

If you would, please check out some of the songs I've composed. You'll have to search through my posts.
#6
good job man, had reallly nice flow

You push,
I change,
You rush,
I rearrange

i absolutly loved this, keep up thje good work and thanks for the crit
#7
Quote by sublime4evr
good job man, had reallly nice flow

You push,
I change,
You rush,
I rearrange

i absolutly loved this, keep up thje good work and thanks for the crit



thanks for the crit man. its definantly fun. first couple times writing stuff. and i really like your stuff too
#8
You push,
I change,
You rush,
I rearrange

I love this bit its amazing

i dont really like the last line though it goes with the song but it doesnt really fit

Thanks for the crit on mine
C4C
Latest song: Fading Silhouettes


Quote by goest
You raped someone with a knife, didn't you?
#9

Street Lights

I walk as it starts raining,
Look up, the street lights fading,
Thinking is this not like I?
Fading away, blending like the sky?

This was pretty nice, i have to admit, great stanze

As I go on and leave that place,
The place that I lost my pace,
The place that I lost my way,
Go on and face a new day

again, pretty brilliant

I think
Not about others,
World peace
Or even the apt. lease

honesty is key, good

Its all about me
My life
My lies
My alibis

whoaaaa!!!, lol jk i didn't really care for this stanza though

How I try and blend
Just to fit in
How I try to be
All that you need

again honesty is what you need to be a good writer

I think,
Then I realize,
Its not that easy,
Like I had thought inside

i dig it

You push,
I change,
You rush,
I rearrange

This is witty, and honest, another great stanza

I look up in the sky,
It blends, like I,
I fade away,
Just as the street lights fade

nice

all in all, it was very good, much better and didn't ooze cliche lines like many lyrics on the site. good job and if you would please crit my poem, it is "The Animals"
#10
Quote by dakmac

Street Lights

I walk as it starts raining,
Look up, the street lights fading,
Thinking is this not like I?
Fading away, blending like the sky?

This was pretty nice, i have to admit, great stanze

As I go on and leave that place,
The place that I lost my pace,
The place that I lost my way,
Go on and face a new day

again, pretty brilliant

hey man. fo rthe stanza you didnt like, i agree. i just put it in because i felt like it needed something there. what do you think i should do with it?
I think
Not about others,
World peace
Or even the apt. lease

honesty is key, good

Its all about me
My life
My lies
My alibis

whoaaaa!!!, lol jk i didn't really care for this stanza though

How I try and blend
Just to fit in
How I try to be
All that you need

again honesty is what you need to be a good writer

I think,
Then I realize,
Its not that easy,
Like I had thought inside

i dig it

You push,
I change,
You rush,
I rearrange

This is witty, and honest, another great stanza

I look up in the sky,
It blends, like I,
I fade away,
Just as the street lights fade

nice

all in all, it was very good, much better and didn't ooze cliche lines like many lyrics on the site. good job and if you would please crit my poem, it is "The Animals"


i didnt like that part much but put it in anyway. ideas for it?