#1
Waiting for my girlfriend to come home
Too bad she's non-existent


Particles
That make up this meat
Are just
Carbons and such
My mind
Is beyond them
My mouth
Thirsts for more

I eat and eat and eat
But can't put on a pound
I feel like I'm starving to death
But it's OK because my thoughts are full from pathetic inklings of these images:

Anorexic girl come to me
Get this girl a sandwich
Why won't you gain weight
Please meet with me tomorrow

It's OK
My thoughts are full
You're pretty
And that boy's a fool
Come with me
We'll eat everything
Come with me
We'll show them all

Anorexic girl come to me
Get this girl a sandwich
Why won't you gain weight
Please meet with me tomorrow
Lord Gold feeds from your orifices and he wants to see you sweat.
Lord Gold probes you publicly and makes your pussy wet.
Now say his name.....
#2
lmao dude, thats all I have to say, what kind of music goes with this? seems liek some random dethklok stuff like duncan hills coffee
Quote by I.O.T.M
Taking the piss out of Americans is like bullying retards, it's unashamedly one-sided but extremely gratifying.
#4
l.o.l.
Myspace.

Quote by djmay71
it wasn't 7 days, it was 5.

and you call yourself the son of catholics

Quote by hugh20
I would keep it on my mantel piece and tell my grandchildren about the day I tried to overthrow the human race with my race of tree-men.
#5
Quote by Lasyk
lmao dude, thats all I have to say, what kind of music goes with this? seems liek some random dethklok stuff like duncan hills coffee

No, not at all.
Quote by Tortiss
I lol'd. Good work.

Hmm

anyways, seems interesting as this wasn't meant to be a joke
I suppose it could be taken in that direction
(it is a somewhat serious subject, hiding underneath pop, hiding underneath humor)
Lord Gold feeds from your orifices and he wants to see you sweat.
Lord Gold probes you publicly and makes your pussy wet.
Now say his name.....
#6
You're trying too hard to be different, it seems. I like different writing, I love different writing - but it's only interesting when the difference from whatever you may consider the norm comes from the author's real personality or unconventional imagination. This piece screamed out 'forced'. The first stanza is gimmicky through and through. And if you read only the bold parts, or alternatively only the non bold parts, you get nothing that makes a whole lot of sense. Give me some nonsensical words that make me feel something, any emotion, and I'll be down with your piece. But you made me feel zilch. The following stanzas gave me similar impressions; the second stanza in particular was unable to hold my attention. The content in this is, to be perhaps brutally honest, very boring. Kudos for writing on anorexia, and if I ever see anything posted by you in the future I'll be sure to give a read - because of your ambition.


If you feel like kicking me in the balls, please read https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=951008 or https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=950434.
#7
Quote by samoo
You're trying too hard to be different, it seems. I like different writing, I love different writing - but it's only interesting when the difference from whatever you may consider the norm comes from the author's real personality or unconventional imagination. This piece screamed out 'forced'. The first stanza is gimmicky through and through. And if you read only the bold parts, or alternatively only the non bold parts, you get nothing that makes a whole lot of sense. Give me some nonsensical words that make me feel something, any emotion, and I'll be down with your piece. But you made me feel zilch. The following stanzas gave me similar impressions; the second stanza in particular was unable to hold my attention. The content in this is, to be perhaps brutally honest, very boring. Kudos for writing on anorexia, and if I ever see anything posted by you in the future I'll be sure to give a read - because of your ambition.


If you feel like kicking me in the balls, please read https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=951008 or https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=950434.

But I'm not writing for you silly

This is really laced in inside thoughts. I eat about 3000-4000 calories a day and weigh 115lbs (one part). Being this thin, and I don't know why else, I just simply love those girls that are "ew, you're anorexic, go eat something" while they are obviously snack'n on something (another part). The last tie in is that it was written in one go. I do not edit any of my pieces, let alone read them, before posting (some are hits, some are misses. Read my others if you need a picture).

Thanks for at least writing something constructive

Hah, my fantasies and dream girls are strange.
Lord Gold feeds from your orifices and he wants to see you sweat.
Lord Gold probes you publicly and makes your pussy wet.
Now say his name.....
#8
Quote by lordofthefood1
But I'm not writing for you silly

I couldn't care less who you're writing for. That's irrelevant.

And it's no problem. Get to mine if you can.
#9
Quote by lordofthefood1
But I'm not writing for you silly


If you post it on the internet, in a forum designed for feedback, people will give you their opinions. If you don't value the opinions of others, then you don't put it in S&L. Put it in a blog or something.

Anyway, I wholeheartedly agree with samoo. In fact, all I had to say about this piece was that it seemed you were trying too hard both to write something to go with music (especially in the half-bold parts), and too hard to write something odd.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#10
Quote by break-me-in
If you post it on the internet, in a forum designed for feedback, people will give you their opinions. If you don't value the opinions of others, then you don't put it in S&L. Put it in a blog or something.

Anyway, I wholeheartedly agree with samoo. In fact, all I had to say about this piece was that it seemed you were trying too hard both to write something to go with music (especially in the half-bold parts), and too hard to write something odd.

I thanked him for critting, how is that not valuing his opinion?

And seem is the key word in all of these (which I'm glad is written). There is no music, not even a set tempo or rhythm. Maybe my natural style appears to be trying to hard (though it might be part of the point? I've been told that I try too hard when it comes to women)

Anyways, I'm awfully confused where you got "value the opinion of others"
Is it because I didn't write the piece to please people?
What does that have to deal with anything.

Anyways, thanks for yours as well
(though that means nothing for I don't value your opinion hah)
Lord Gold feeds from your orifices and he wants to see you sweat.
Lord Gold probes you publicly and makes your pussy wet.
Now say his name.....
#11
^Sorry, the only reason I misunderstood what you were referring to when you said "I write for me" was because it was written as a response to someone's crit.

Anyway, the reason I said "seems" is because that's how it comes across to a reader who doesn't know what's going on in your head. The point of posting things here is to get a fresh perspective so you can note what you've perhaps done wrong.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#12
Quote by break-me-in
^Sorry, the only reason I misunderstood what you were referring to when you said "I write for me" was because it was written as a response to someone's crit.

Anyway, the reason I said "seems" is because that's how it comes across to a reader who doesn't know what's going on in your head. The point of posting things here is to get a fresh perspective so you can note what you've perhaps done wrong.

I know, why else would I post something for people to read? For fun?

Anyways, what about it seems forced? I haven't seen any examples so I really can't tell.
Lord Gold feeds from your orifices and he wants to see you sweat.
Lord Gold probes you publicly and makes your pussy wet.
Now say his name.....