#1
ok, this might be a bit confusing, but the first half is about my ex girlfriend, and then after the second chorus, its about my current girlfriend.....

Everything seemed like it was fine
I really thought you'd always be mine
I didn't know when I left I'd be seeing you for the last time
because like I said, everything just seemed fine

It was late at night when I got your text
I never thought reading something could hurt so much
I really thought that between us nothing was wrong
we seemed like we were going on a pace that was really strong

Now it seemed nothing for me will be fine
I thought I would never find someone who'd always be mine
But I didn't know that after some time
I would find somebody else who'd make everything fine.

I remember the day that I first saw you
But everything that happened shortly after noone knew
that we'd fall for each other and end up together
and now were talking that it will last forever

Now it seems like everything is going to be fine
Now I have someone who I can claim is mine
I didn't see it but I really did just need time
because like I said, everything is going to be fine
#2
a little simplistic. Fine's kinda broad.

But yeah, GO PENS!!!
Opus Acoustic by Harmony Guitars
Ibanez AEF18 Acoustic Electric
Crate GTD15R

Tophue: Every christian song has the chord progression G, Cadd9 somewhere in the song
Phax: The key of Gsus!!! COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT! haha
#3
Quote by horatiogates
a little simplistic. Fine's kinda broad.

But yeah, GO PENS!!!


lmao, wow, the GO PENS made me laugh, but HELL YEA!!!!

anything you want me to crit?
#4
I like it If i was you i would do this song acoustic it would just go alot better. Writing a romantic song is hard i tryed to write one and i totally failed it was just to cliche so well done.
Great Effort and a great out come.
C4C
Latest song: Fading Silhouettes


Quote by goest
You raped someone with a knife, didn't you?
#5
Quote by Mr Maggot
I like it If i was you i would do this song acoustic it would just go alot better. Writing a romantic song is hard i tryed to write one and i totally failed it was just to cliche so well done.
Great Effort and a great out come.


thanks =)
#8
Quote by eltyr18
ok, this might be a bit confusing, but the first half is about my ex girlfriend, and then after the second chorus, its about my current girlfriend.....

Everything seemed like it was fine
I really thought you'd always be mine
I didn't know when I left I'd be seeing you for the last time
because like I said, everything just seemed fine
decent start, a bit simplistic but good

It was late at night when I got your text
I never thought reading something could hurt so much
big fan of this line above
I really thought that between us nothing was wrong
we seemed like we were going on a pace that was really strong
the last line seems way too forced

Now it seemed nothing for me will be fine
I thought I would never find someone who'd always be mine
But I didn't know that after some time
I would find somebody else who'd make everything fine.
a good chorus, there are better lines throughout the songs but choruses aren't always about the strongest lyrics so this works just fine

I remember the day that I first saw you
But everything that happened shortly after noone knew
the line above just doesn't work for me, i don't really get it
that we'd fall for each other and end up together
and now were talking that it will last forever
i like these last two lines but i think that the last one could be phrased a bit better like maybe using the word "like" instead of "that"

Now it seems like everything is going to be fine
Now I have someone who I can claim is mine
I didn't see it but I really did just need time
because like I said, everything is going to be fine
another good chorus based on the 2nd girl



I gotta tell ya, this def. sounds like something I would listen to. It might not be the greatest lyrics out there and there def. are a few things to work on but I really enjoyed this and could relate to it. Nice job, and keep the good songs coming.

Take a look at this one and lemme know whatcha think? Thanks- Matlock
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=951796
#10
Quote by Mlnwd
I gotta tell ya, this def. sounds like something I would listen to. It might not be the greatest lyrics out there and there def. are a few things to work on but I really enjoyed this and could relate to it. Nice job, and keep the good songs coming.

Take a look at this one and lemme know whatcha think? Thanks- Matlock
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=951796


thanks
checking yours out now


Quote by Hamelin_121
the only thing i dont like is that you had to explain at the beginning.
but other than that its a great song with alot of heartfelt meaning.
it was very beautiful:P

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=952254


thanks , and I'll check yours out after I check his out.
Last edited by eltyr18 at Sep 7, 2008,