#1
Here I am!
Stuck in this rut again running in place,can't seem to escape this fate.
Is this my destiny?
How am I meant to escape this hellish entrapment.
Performing these actions,predicting your statements.

Oh, here we are!
Already it has begun, the screaming the shouting the tears shed by both sides.
Again with this conflict, nothing is changing this useless debating is draining me dearly.

You raise your hand!
I shy away, yet quickly you lash out finger tips striking me.
My face it is burning,the blood drops start forming.

Your head tilts back!
A laugh, I hear it escape your face is contorting shifting and forming.
From anger to sadness you reach out and touch me, tell me you love me.

My mind it is racing,deciphering truths from lies.
I listen as you deny the acts I've seen you committing over and over again.
Then it sets in, you're a using abusing manipulative person.
I'm but your plaything used for enjoyment.

You cry and you hold me,tell me you're sorry.
I push you away and you strike me in anger.
Tell me I'm useless,heartless a bastard.

I walk away,climbing up from this hole that we've dug over the years.


I'm not a big fan of picking genres for what I write,but if I had to label this it would be under progressive. The flow for the song,what I have in my mind at least is a bit peculiar, and I'm not really sure if the song makes sense rhythm wise without being able to hear it yourself.

Much thanks in advance.
#3
Quote by sublime4evr
yeah i didnt get the rythm at all but i liked it and if you have one thats fits great., my favorite part, was ...I walk away,climbing up from this hole that we've dug over the years. it was good man keep it up, c4c?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=952009


The rhythm unfortunately is a pain in the ass to understand without being able to hear it the way I do. I'd sing it so that gave a bit of an idea but uh..I'm not exactly much of a singer.

Thank you for the kind words,and I've critted yours as well.
#4
I like the flow of words, it seems pretty easy to understand. you should share what kind of music is set. theres a nice use of consonances and alliterations so the 2nd time i read it i imagined a more of a rap beat to it. This is sort of something i thought i would add after i left the page thought it might flow with it.

The way you tell lies and then try to pretend everythings alright no more
get out of my way im not your slave im walking out of this collapsing cave

If you get a chance crit my song it will be very appreciated
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=952490
Last edited by getrythym at Sep 7, 2008,
#5
Quote by getrythym
I like the flow of words, it seems pretty easy to understand. you should share what kind of music is set. theres a nice use of consonances and alliterations so the 2nd time i read it i imagined a more of a rap beat to it. This is sort of something i thought i would add after i left the page thought it might flow with it.

The way you tell lies and then try to pretend everythings alright no more
get out of my way im not your slave im walking out of this collapsing cave

If you get a chance crit my song it will be very appreciated
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=952490


"I'm walking out of this collapsing cave"

That line,seems to fit somewhere and I'll try to work it into the song,thank you.

As soon as I actually set music to this then no worries about me putting it up here with it. That's the hard part for me though,writing lyrics is easy but setting them to music is always a challenge.