#1

"Do you feel blame? Are you mad? Uh, do you feel like wolf kabob Roth vantage? Gefrannis booj pooch boo jujube; bear-ramage. Jigiji geeji geeja geeble Google. Begep flagaggle vaggle veditch-waggle bagga?"

I was there when the' let her, wondering
whether or not the weather
will get better, all the time we gather
fish in the cold storms for wetter days,
i'll write on this feather to take
in the wind, something about yours truly
flying off to kill his kin.

someone's in my arboreatum, constantly
cutting fingers to lure girls to feed them.
So, I stumped through the winter woods,
to trip over frozen moss; living pools of
little faces staring up to god for saving graces.
Infanticide ducked under a gallow's lord, and
we read to our child "A Boy Learns What Fear Is."
She pondered to us down by the water, near
a brick house where a woman drowned her daughter.
A Maltese woman thought out loud to her and I;
she spoke a cough so calm to soothe the tide,
she said, "I am dead. It is as if everybody were dead.
Let the man left behind shut the door if he wants to.
Let the children roar on the streets if they want to, but
if I decide to start murdering people, there would be no
one left alive."
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
Last edited by Something_Vague at Sep 7, 2008,
#3
Damn you're good at making things flow. I really don't have anything to criticize because I feel uncomfortable telling people far better at this thing than I am what to do with their writing.
#4
^that is honestly the stupidest excuse in the world. just say that you like it, don't use convuluted messages that waterdown and put down the piece, the author of the piece, and yourself. just seems silly to me.

Great stuff Matt. You still serve as such a great inspiration to me. just so you know.
#6
I really enjoyed reading this.
That may be something to do with the the' on the first line. Made me read it in my accent, which doesn't happen often . Content didn't quite match tha style, but the content was excellent all the same. And that ruddy flow .
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#7
I don't really understand it, but I really like it. It flows very well. I have no clue what it's about, though. ^^;
#9
Eh, for me there was too much happening here, I felt it lacked a decent progression to the climax, and it hurt the ending, which I felt was especially flat, emotion-wise, not the tone. Didn't really let us into the "you", more just the projection of you.

I think there were little details you put in that weren't essential to the meaing, and that's why I felt it was overplayed - maltese women, wondering, and some ideas that I felt just weren't executed greatly: The opening stanza has this really nice, natural imagery, but I feel you dodge around your actual opening point, especially in the last four lines: read as if you were too much into the presentation of the wording than you are of the actual idea.

The second stanza for me is where you had too much going on at once: all these little things culminating in that montone sequece. Didn't feel there was enough attention to the reader in that staza, it feels somewhat hectic to read and is too much a liquidy blod then a solidified expression of feeling.

My thoughts.
#10
by your standards, it was decent. i semi expected more, usually i expect something that makes me think and take a moment. one mention of a church, or whatever, can make somebody halt and really sink into the piece you know? i would have enjoyed some depth into your character, some focus on the 'I' side of things. then again, gorgeous flow.

quick comment would be nice. https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=950434. rip it to shreds man.

PS the full title is bullshit but i enjoy it.
Last edited by samoo at Sep 7, 2008,