#1
The style seems odd. I'm not looking for a rating, I just want ideas to improve my writing. I see that it looks odd but works with the chords and pattern I've come up with. I just think I need a little help with words.

INTRO

VERSE
Mystified, by the look in your eyes
The signs, that are so misleading
Is it wrong or right, what I want tonight
I don't know, but I have a feeling...

PRE-CHORUS
Things are separating by the seem
Wake me up from this nightmarish dream.
I know that it cannot end this way.
A love that lasts forever, should never break.

CHORUS
Now I'm left to wonder, about forever
Wasting my life, thinking again
I am falling to pieces, shattered and broken
And the memories are fading away

VERSE
Everything I see, no longer means anything to me.
Losing all hope, losing my faith.
Stuck in an empty hole to dwell in
To find something I can never replace

PRE-CHORUS
But still things are separating by the seem
Wake me up from this nightmarish dream.
I know that it cannot end this way.
A love that lasts forever, should never break.

CHORUS
And I'm left to wonder, about forever
Wasting my life, thinking again
I am falling to pieces, shattered and broken
And the memories are fading away

BRIDGE
Now I see, that my worst fears can become reality.
It seems like there is nothing left on earth for me.
So I bit you farewell, I'll see your ass in hell.
Screaming your lungs out you'll say.
"All the memories have faded away"

END GUITAR BREAKDOWN

All my friends enjoy it, but I feel like there is just something odd in the words. I admit though, no matter how bad any of you may find it I am pretty proud of how it came out.
Add me or I will eat your kitty!



^Click the heart baby, you know you wanna.^

Quote by Sammythedruggie

touche sir.
#2
Quote by elekguit
The style seems odd. I'm not looking for a rating, I just want ideas to improve my writing. I see that it looks odd but works with the chords and pattern I've come up with. I just think I need a little help with words.

INTRO

VERSE
Mystified, by the look in your eyes
The signs, that are so misleading
Is it wrong or right, what I want tonight
I don't know, but I have a feeling...
a fairly good start, i can understand where you're coming from

PRE-CHORUS
Things are separating by the seem
*seam
Wake me up from this nightmarish dream.
nightmarish dream sounds a bit forced, but at the same time it also sounds pretty cool too
I know that it cannot end this way.
A love that lasts forever, should never break.
great end line here

CHORUS
Now I'm left to wonder, about forever
Wasting my life, thinking again
I am falling to pieces, shattered and broken
And the memories are fading away
choruses are always kinda meh, this works well though

VERSE
Everything I see, no longer means anything to me.
Losing all hope, losing my faith.
Stuck in an empty hole to dwell in
To find something I can never replace
all of this is kinda cliche, but there's a reason why stuff is cliche, because it's good lol
PRE-CHORUS
But still things are separating by the seem
Wake me up from this nightmarish dream.
I know that it cannot end this way.
A love that lasts forever, should never break.

CHORUS
And I'm left to wonder, about forever
Wasting my life, thinking again
I am falling to pieces, shattered and broken
And the memories are fading away

BRIDGE
Now I see, that my worst fears can become reality.
It seems like there is nothing left on earth for me.
So I bit you farewell, I'll see your ass in hell.
Screaming your lungs out you'll say.
"All the memories have faded away"
decent bridge
END GUITAR BREAKDOWN

All my friends enjoy it, but I feel like there is just something odd in the words. I admit though, no matter how bad any of you may find it I am pretty proud of how it came out.


props to you for doing your thing and successfully putting all of this together. I know that it's pretty easy to get discouraged when people are constantly focusing on the negative. I gotta say this shows alot of promise, you def. seem like you enjoyed putting it together. Is some it cliche? yeah, but thats always gonna happen, my advice to you is just keep doin your thing and gradually things will just keep getting better and better. Good job, Peace- Matlock
#3
Way to correct my grammar. Lol.

Haha, thanks for the advice. Means a lot.

Glad its not horrible. Maybe I should add my other song about fear, which is odd but I enjoyed it. I always tried to avoid songs about girls but guess what, ya can't ****ing avoid it. I'll try to avoid cliche from now on.
Add me or I will eat your kitty!



^Click the heart baby, you know you wanna.^

Quote by Sammythedruggie

touche sir.
#4
yeah man, cliches are always gonna be there though, i'm the cliche king, and songs about girls are def. where it's at lol
#5
Haha, well I'm gonna post the fear song in a few seconds. Its quite cliche but at the same time different. Not my favorite but its kinda cool.
Add me or I will eat your kitty!



^Click the heart baby, you know you wanna.^

Quote by Sammythedruggie

touche sir.
#6
wait a while before you post that one, if you do now it'll be closed, only one song a day/ two per six days here man just so ya know
#7
Just took it down. I must admit that's a really dumb rule, but I suppose it makes a bit of sense.
Add me or I will eat your kitty!



^Click the heart baby, you know you wanna.^

Quote by Sammythedruggie

touche sir.
#8
it might seem like it but it works out, it gives you more time to get crits on specific pieces so you can make them better, plus if you posted like a million songs a day they'd all just go to waste
#9
True. 2 a day might should give more then enough chance though. Oh well, I'm off to the pit. I'll see you soon.
Add me or I will eat your kitty!



^Click the heart baby, you know you wanna.^

Quote by Sammythedruggie

touche sir.