#1
I recently quit my job the same day I began dating my new lady-friend. However, a few days before I left, I got the best customers I think anyone could ask for.

These three PALE AS FUCK white guys come in. They're like "Man, whatchoo on?"

"Shit doo, *click click* BOOM BEASTMODE"

Anyway, one guy finally orders and the next guy goes and orders quickly "2 Chili Cheese Burrittos" and the other on says "DAMN! YOU HOUUUUNGREY! WENT BEASTMODE UP ON THAT!"

They began laughing. However there was one that was relatively quiet. He said "I'm straight, I'll just take a large cup". He was embarassed I could tell.

Now I failed to mention this on purpose, but there was a woman behind them. And in some Taco Bell resturants there is this hexagonal thing that you put coins into to try to win "free" food, while at the same time, donating to charity. Ours doesn't have water in it. So one guy says,

"Shit man, this work?"

"Uh-huh." I say.

He turns to the woman I mentioned earlier and said the most awesome thing in the history of the universe.

"Hey mom, Can I get a quarter?"



I had to hold it in, I had to. I just smiled really, really big. It was great.

Your turn now! GOGOGO!
Quote by Adam...?
I generally try to avoid being that guy, but I'm not going to lie to you, it's possible that I shit in a friend's dresser once.

Quote by Jackintehbox
Coke tastes like a can of smashed assholes, so yes there is a difference.

I am USUALLY the nicest one here.
#3
Actually, yes.
Quote by Adam...?
I generally try to avoid being that guy, but I'm not going to lie to you, it's possible that I shit in a friend's dresser once.

Quote by Jackintehbox
Coke tastes like a can of smashed assholes, so yes there is a difference.

I am USUALLY the nicest one here.
#4
today we had to change out some of the airconditioner filters on the ceiling... i work at sonic btw

well one of my co workers was puttin in a filter when the thing sucked his hat off his head and it went up into the unit....we had to shut off the airconditioner and go on the roof to get it out

luckily there was another set of filters between it and the fan...neddless to say it was amazing....
Quote by Union Jake

So anyway, now i'm here feeling rather dirty knowing that I just sat in a room with 3 other guys having a wank. I had to get it off my chest
Quote by fenderfreak101
Youre mom should have used the coat hanger to abort you as a fetus.

Douche bag.
#5
K so liek this one time my manger tried to **** me and i was like "no" but he did it anyways.

LOL
And if ever You come near, I will hold up high a mirror.
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as You.
#6
Quote by fenderfreak101
K so liek this one time my manger tried to **** me and i was like "no" but he did it anyways.

LOL
lol wut?
Quote by Union Jake

So anyway, now i'm here feeling rather dirty knowing that I just sat in a room with 3 other guys having a wank. I had to get it off my chest
Quote by fenderfreak101
Youre mom should have used the coat hanger to abort you as a fetus.

Douche bag.
#7
when i used to work 3rd shift on weekends i had this old italian guy from town that would come in every sunday morning at 3 a.m. like clockwork and he'd just shoot the shit with me for an hour or so just talking and he would talk shit about every fat customer that walked in to the store and i'd just have this big dumb smile on my face when they walked up, they probably thought i was crazy.

oh and another time me and the other guy on 3rd were standing around just before quitting time on a sunday morning talking to some trucker and suddenly he looks over and is like "oh my god" and jumps backwards and grabs his cell phone and points it at something like it's a tazer...i look at him confused and he's like "GODDAMN IT LOOK AT THAT BEAST!" and i see this like 7 foot tall dyke woman trucker walking up to the counter and i'm trying to not laugh and start tearing up and the other trucker walks off until the chick left the counter and then he comes back and says "what the hell was that? a damn yeti or something?" i lost it and laughed for like a half hour
#8
ha i sigged u earlier...
Quote by Union Jake

So anyway, now i'm here feeling rather dirty knowing that I just sat in a room with 3 other guys having a wank. I had to get it off my chest
Quote by fenderfreak101
Youre mom should have used the coat hanger to abort you as a fetus.

Douche bag.
#9
Quote by fenderfreak101
K so liek this one time my manger tried to **** me and i was like "no" but he did it anyways.

LOL


Learn some grammar douche LOLZ

my 90 year old grandfather can spell "like" and he's from Africa LOLZ
#10
TS really needs to work on his story telling skills.

...modes and scales are still useless.


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Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

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#11
Quote by Xiaoxi
TS really needs to work on his story telling skills.

I get that IRL.
Quote by Adam...?
I generally try to avoid being that guy, but I'm not going to lie to you, it's possible that I shit in a friend's dresser once.

Quote by Jackintehbox
Coke tastes like a can of smashed assholes, so yes there is a difference.

I am USUALLY the nicest one here.
#12
Quote by SenseS FaiL
Learn some grammar douche LOLZ

my 90 year old grandfather can spell "like" and he's from Africa LOLZ



Your grandfather's a ******?!
And if ever You come near, I will hold up high a mirror.
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as You.
#13
TS: so the lady you're dating is the mom of those three douche bags? Serious question.
#14
Quote by burndttoast
TS: so the lady you're dating is the mom of those three douche bags? Serious question.

lol, never looked at it this way...
Intriguing question!!
#15
Quote by burndttoast
TS: so the lady you're dating is the mom of those three douche bags? Serious question.

Damn that was slick. No. That'd make it even better though, cause I'd be like "HEY BITCHES, DUN GO ACTIN' LIKE NO NAGGERS NOW! I'M YER DADDY NOW, YA SONS A BITCHES"

Then beat all of them with a studded belt. Or the one who asked his mom for a quarter.
Quote by Adam...?
I generally try to avoid being that guy, but I'm not going to lie to you, it's possible that I shit in a friend's dresser once.

Quote by Jackintehbox
Coke tastes like a can of smashed assholes, so yes there is a difference.

I am USUALLY the nicest one here.
#16
Quote by Austiman
Damn that was slick. No. That'd make it even better though, cause I'd be like "HEY BITCHES, DUN GO ACTIN' LIKE NO NAGGERS NOW! I'M YER DADDY NOW, YA SONS A BITCHES"

Then beat all of them with a studded belt. Or the one who asked his mom for a quarter.



Instead of beating them with said belt, you should tie one end to your neck, the other end to a tree branch thats about 6 inches taller than you, and end your own life to spare the rest of us from having to hear your God awful attempts at telling stories.
And if ever You come near, I will hold up high a mirror.
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as You.
#17
so in current job which happens to be my third i banged 2 of my co workers. best job so far hahaha and best paid out of all.
#18
man what's up with the "post your work day" threads? i've also noticed most stories involve working in a restaurant.....

to the restaurant workers! FTW
Quote by metaldud536
...I mean if indians stood naked in front of me, i couldn't tell if they're hispanic or native american. unless they put on clothes

At first he was like...
Quote by Twistedrock
I love you, man. No homo

But then, he was like...
Quote by Twistedrock
I love you even more now. Slightly homo
#20
^^ Noticed that after I posted this and felt like a bigger douche than normal.
Quote by Adam...?
I generally try to avoid being that guy, but I'm not going to lie to you, it's possible that I shit in a friend's dresser once.

Quote by Jackintehbox
Coke tastes like a can of smashed assholes, so yes there is a difference.

I am USUALLY the nicest one here.
#21
Quote by metalrhoads
so in current job which happens to be my third i banged 2 of my co workers. best job so far hahaha and best paid out of all.

At Runza (a local restaurant) we have some fine looking women, though I've not gotten around to seck with any of them
If you see me in the pit, know that I'm only there because the metal forum is moving slowly.
Quote by Sn^ke

i think nebarskan is a cool guy, eh wears a nile and doesnt afraid of anything


Quote by stanleybach
Aren't you proud to wear that Nile? You don't afraid of anything man!
#22
Quote by metalrhoads
hahaha i happen to be a cook lmao.


ME TOO
what restaurant do you work at?
Quote by metaldud536
...I mean if indians stood naked in front of me, i couldn't tell if they're hispanic or native american. unless they put on clothes

At first he was like...
Quote by Twistedrock
I love you, man. No homo

But then, he was like...
Quote by Twistedrock
I love you even more now. Slightly homo
#23
its a hotel in south cali we mostly got people who are staying but people from outside are welcomed
#24
I'm a teller at a money exchange business that's open 24 hrs and i'm in here from 11pm-7am. I'm the only one in here and i'm only 19... BUT!!! i'm protected by bulletproof glass and i have 3 loaded shotguns behind me as protection if needed (not likely cuz of the glass and because ppl can only come in if they get past 2 doors that can only be opened from the inside).

Anyway, two guys come in every thursday night to cash their checks. I'll admit i don't like them at all.

So one of them asks me, "Can you use those things over there?"

I answer, "Umm... yes, if i need to do so."

Him, "Oh, do you know how to? I mean, you'd have to be pretty bad if you can't hit someone with one of those."

I reply, "Oh, don't worry. Have you seen the guys with rifles shooting at little targets in these olimpics?"

He answers, "Yeah."

Me, "Well, i used to do that when i was in high school. Actually, i was the captain of the team and we were district champions. Also, i happened to receive training in a camp conducted by pros. The 3 directors were all gold olympic champions... That's kinda why i was hired to be honest."

Him, "oh... ok" and backs away very slowly and scared while looking at me smile.


haha


btw: everything's true... and yes i did receive such training.
Originally Posted by evening_crow
Quoting yourself is cool.


WARNING: I kill threads.
#25
Quote by metalrhoads
its a hotel in south cali we mostly got people who are staying but people from outside are welcomed


what's the name of hotel? city?

you know, after seeing alot of threads on restaurant work days, bad customers, good experiences, etc. i'm considering making a "restaurant worker's" thread

what do you think?
Quote by metaldud536
...I mean if indians stood naked in front of me, i couldn't tell if they're hispanic or native american. unless they put on clothes

At first he was like...
Quote by Twistedrock
I love you, man. No homo

But then, he was like...
Quote by Twistedrock
I love you even more now. Slightly homo
#26
Wow... i just realized no one cared for my story.

Originally Posted by evening_crow
Quoting yourself is cool.


WARNING: I kill threads.
#27
i work at red rooster
anyway, one time i adopted a retard voice and spoke through the drive thru...needless to say, my manger was cracking up with laughter
#28
work at Meijer (localized version of Wal-Mart in the Midwest) and we had a TON of carts left out in the parking lot, so my supervisor pulls a ton of us cashiers out to round up the carts and take them inside (it was 11:30pm, so we barely had customers). guy i work with named Mike gets about 15 carts in a row and starts pushing and then tries to turn them around a parked car, but the row of carts just tipped to the side. i'm probably the only one here who thinks it was funny because you kinda had to see it, but imagine the Fail Boat made of shopping carts and some guy standing buy it with that "oh shit" look on his face.

one day i had this lady come by with a douche and 10 sets of bags for it because it was all on sale. i could hardly contain my laughter.

another time a couple (maybe early twenties) comes in and they're looking around the checkout lane for something. girl grabs a bunch of gobstoppers and sets them on the belt. i ask "will that be all for you?". the boyfriend then sets on the belt the biggest box of condoms i had ever seen, all with a shit-eating grin.

Quote by evening_crow
I'm a teller at a money exchange business that's open 24 hrs and i'm in here from 11pm-7am. I'm the only one in here and i'm only 19... BUT!!! i'm protected by bulletproof glass and i have 3 loaded shotguns behind me as protection if needed (not likely cuz of the glass and because ppl can only come in if they get past 2 doors that can only be opened from the inside).

Anyway, two guys come in every thursday night to cash their checks. I'll admit i don't like them at all.

So one of them asks me, "Can you use those things over there?"

I answer, "Umm... yes, if i need to do so."

Him, "Oh, do you know how to? I mean, you'd have to be pretty bad if you can't hit someone with one of those."


reminds me of Dick Cheney....
Last edited by dudius at Sep 8, 2008,
#29
Quote by dudius
...another time a couple (maybe early twenties) comes in and they're looking around the checkout lane for something. girl grabs a bunch of gobstoppers and sets them on the belt. i ask "will that be all for you?". the boyfriend then sets on the belt the biggest box of condoms i had ever seen, all with a shit-eating grin.


reminds me of Dick Cheney....

lol...

I used to be a cashier at a gas station and i got a 40-50 year old couple and ask me for condoms. So i show them the 2 kinds we had left and she asks, "whats the difference?"

I tell her, "Well, these ones are flavored and these ones are XL."

She tells her husband, "The XL ones?"

So the man makes this weird, embarassed face and says, "Nah, let's get the other ones..."

I thought his look was hilarious... it was as if he was wondering whether the xl will fit or not.
Originally Posted by evening_crow
Quoting yourself is cool.


WARNING: I kill threads.
#30
I work the night shift at a local gas station/convenience store called Circle K (In Oklahoma City), and really the only redeeming thing about it is the fact that at least once a night something awesome/funny/disturbing happens. This week the toppers have been:

A Cop walks in Saturday night, obviously tired, gets a drink and chats a bit. On his way out I say "Have fun" or something like that, to which he replies "Yeah, you know what, fuck it, it's Saturday, I'm letting the drunks find ME tonight!"

Friday some (Extremely stoned) cat came in trying to score weed, saying: "Hey man, can you hook me up with some Chronic? I ran out around Dallas." Then proceeded to nearly drive off with the gas pump still in his car.

And one of my favorites has to be the time a drunk guy came in talking to a girl on the phone trying to get laid, it ended up not working for him and he hangs up, looks at me and says: "That Bitch! Fine, time to call a FAT one!" then let me listen to him making his booty call. He was talking to her and the conversation went like this.

*Typical Trying to get laid chatter* Then...
Him: "Come on baby, get in your car and come on up here"
Girl: "But I don't even like you!"
Him: "I don't like you either bitch! I just want to give you the Donkey Dick!"
Girl: "....... Okay, I'll be there in a bit."
When you were born, you cried, and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a manner that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.
Kabir
#31
Quote by Austiman
I recently quit my job the same day I began dating my new lady-friend. However, a few days before I left, I got the best customers I think anyone could ask for.

These three PALE AS FUCK white guys come in. They're like "Man, whatchoo on?"

"Shit doo, *click click* BOOM BEASTMODE"

Anyway, one guy finally orders and the next guy goes and orders quickly "2 Chili Cheese Burrittos" and the other on says "DAMN! YOU HOUUUUNGREY! WENT BEASTMODE UP ON THAT!"

They began laughing. However there was one that was relatively quiet. He said "I'm straight, I'll just take a large cup". He was embarassed I could tell.

Now I failed to mention this on purpose, but there was a woman behind them. And in some Taco Bell resturants there is this hexagonal thing that you put coins into to try to win "free" food, while at the same time, donating to charity. Ours doesn't have water in it. So one guy says,

"Shit man, this work?"

"Uh-huh." I say.

He turns to the woman I mentioned earlier and said the most awesome thing in the history of the universe.

"Hey mom, Can I get a quarter?"



I had to hold it in, I had to. I just smiled really, really big. It was great.

Your turn now! GOGOGO!


VAMPIRES!
<Han> I love Hitler
#32
Oh man, the pit is getting better and better.

Best thing that happens to me at work is I be a smartass and get away with it all (I happen to work in a Butcher, butchers are angry crazy ****ers.)
#33
a little girl (maybe 9 - 10) has come in asking why she cant find her second hamster:

me: ok, have they been fighting recently?
her: um, yea, i saw them scrapping the otherday, but i left them to it.
me:.... ok, what happend after that?
her: i dont know he disappeared. maybe he run away.
me: Well, unfortunately, its not uncommon for two drawf hamsters to fall out and fight to the death. have you cleaned your cage out recently?
her: no, why? *her dad walks up behind her, asks me how its going etc*
me: well, next time you clean it out, Be careful. you may find a hamster head in there. they have been known to "finsih off" their enemies.
her: whats a hamster head? *dad gives wierd look*
me: its the head of the hamster. Nothing but. decapitated.
her: ewwwwww AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW....


harsh, but funniest convo ive had at work.
#34
I worked at the local supermarket for a while. Got some good sh!t and weird sh!t happening:

One guy came up and waited in the express lane with what looked like a normal guy getting some bananas. But he also had a Multi-Value pack of condoms... Thats 3 packs for the rpice of one. And he had enough bananas to fill them up I said "Have fun" And he only replied with the weirdest smile I have ever encountered. Kinda lop sided and droopy :s

And also I scanned a coke and the b!tch of a woman complained that it was 1 cent more than the price. She was shouting her head of at me as I was trying to call the manager over..... Took about 5 mins and the lady was getting on my nerves. It was my last day and I wasn't up for this bull(stuff). So I told her nicely first to "Shut the hell up!" And she stopped her childish cries and said "Excuse me?" I said:

"Didn't you hear me? Shut the hell up you (insert swear word)!". Needless to say the manager was impressed and I got a big bonus that last day. Got 3 times my normal pay plus about $50 extra Not bad!!
ESP Eclipse-II VTB (With 18v Mod)
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Tapco Mix60
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#35
Quote by UndeadPaperclip
I work the night shift at a local gas station/convenience store called Circle K (In Oklahoma City), and really the only redeeming thing about it is the fact that at least once a night something awesome/funny/disturbing happens. This week the toppers have been:

A Cop walks in Saturday night, obviously tired, gets a drink and chats a bit. On his way out I say "Have fun" or something like that, to which he replies "Yeah, you know what, fuck it, it's Saturday, I'm letting the drunks find ME tonight!"

Friday some (Extremely stoned) cat came in trying to score weed, saying: "Hey man, can you hook me up with some Chronic? I ran out around Dallas." Then proceeded to nearly drive off with the gas pump still in his car.

And one of my favorites has to be the time a drunk guy came in talking to a girl on the phone trying to get laid, it ended up not working for him and he hangs up, looks at me and says: "That Bitch! Fine, time to call a FAT one!" then let me listen to him making his booty call. He was talking to her and the conversation went like this.

*Typical Trying to get laid chatter* Then...
Him: "Come on baby, get in your car and come on up here"
Girl: "But I don't even like you!"
Him: "I don't like you either bitch! I just want to give you the Donkey Dick!"
Girl: "....... Okay, I'll be there in a bit."


Aare you sure you don't live in Soviet Russia?
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