#1
compass.

do me a favor; if you decide to comment on this,
tell me what it means to you. i'd love to hear an
interpretation.
thanks.


someone once told me that,
"no person
is capable of sending comfort
to another."
so live,
and walk pedant;
your circle-stretched oval.
sidewinding, stride binding
hold your mirror
up to the sun. goodbye.
"on whom do you rely?"

meet: Sarah.
meet: Joseph.
they're getting married
in the apple orchards.

and another one
comes.
empty cans tied to the back
so they know the noise,
always.
infinity in a ring,
dress, and roses.
always.
and this gives me peace.

but you took it
from me, and raped it
till it loved you.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#2
doesnt mean a whole lot to me - seems kinda random, or maybe i dont have a reference point from which to understand it.

on the other hand, Im guessing it means something to you - anything to do with divorce per chance ???
Cursed to one day crash and burn because we fly so god damn high.
#3
At a glance: you don't feel so independent any more, do you?
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#4
Someone either screwed you over (female) or you are talking about the passing of someone you never wanted to die.

To be honest, it reminds me of when my grandmother died (I was close to her) and how even joyous occasions such as weddings remind you of their passing.

For the record, the internal rhyme with strides was gorgeous. Also, I don't feel like critiquing this; because I feel like changing it could change the "personal magic" it probably has... but some of it seemed lost within itself. I think you can gather what I mean... and if not, PM and I'll go deeper. This hit me better than your last few.
#5
Finding comfort in yourself.

I loved the comfort of it, the rhyme, the strange-ish flow, the way I got the content. Wish I had more to say, but as Zach said, I thought that it worked great as it is, and though it felt a bit inside itself, it worked that way.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#6
it kinda reminds me of how every beatiful moment in life is also painful, but there is also true beauty in pain, idk if that's what you were goin for or not but that's what i took from it, nice work- Matlock
#7
i think you had a job as a wedding singer and adam sandler stole it from you and slept with drew barrymore.

no, i see this as you attempting to accept self-reliance, the belief that the only person who can truly make you happy is yourself (ideas proposed in the first stanza). the next part sounds like your old dream, your comforting fantasy. i especially like
"empty cans tied to the back
so they know the noise,
always."
because it's a real practice and yet perfectly shows that they (you?) seek the same comfort in their joining.

the last stanza seems incongruous because there is much more anger there, whereas the rest seems to come from a more mature and level point of observation. i don't entirely get "raped it till it loved you" (which i'm assuming, maybe incorrectly, refers to the destruction of your dream in the previous stanza), and i would like to hear what this part means to you. is it divorce? also, out of curiosity, who is the "you" in those lines? the same person who told you that
"no person
is capable of sending comfort
to another."?

the person with whom you once shared the same dream, and maybe the reality of that dream?

both?

cool piece though for sure, thanks in advance for tolerating my undoubtedly harebrained interpretation of it. here's something from me if you wouldn't mind https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=953549
#8
I'll tell you what I feel when I read it: I feel a loneliness, I feel skepticism, short reprieve, sudden upheaval. I love lines like "sidewinding, stride binding" that you always include in your pieces. Also the noise/ring a nicely subtle correlation between two different things.

this.
On the eight day we spoke back...

let there be sound.
#9
I don't think its about some girl leaving you at the alter or something like that (if that did happen, I apologize for my wanker-ness)

I personally view this as your angst towards and your overall view of marriage. I think you want to believe in it, like you want to believe in the "sun" and the "circle" form, but you find it difficult to comprehend their relevance and importance.
Its like your saying to me, the sun is just a big bloody ball of belly gas and the circle is just a ****ed up square that some carpenter got his chisel on, what is the point of them?
I think you are in a desperate state of mind when writing this. Anyone with real common sense will realise the shear importance of both a circle and the sun. But thats not the point. I think you are trying to lie to yourself, forcing yourself to believe that marriage is pointless, but you can't quite do it.

Btw, this rocked, although its wording and imagery wasn't all that ordinant and sculptered.

Digitally Clean
#10
how can one accept the individualistic responsibility of self-reliance, if the hurdles of a significant relationship involving another individual(s) are too hard to overcome(through a first-person perspective)?
and vice versa?
...
more importantly, are these aspects of life particularly significant for healthy sociological functionality?

i think i'm poking the envelope(my head) with a samurai sword(samurai sword).
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
Last edited by ottoavist at Sep 9, 2008,
#11
someone once told me that,
"no person
is capable of sending comfort
I liked the word 'sending' instead of something more personal like 'giving'.
to another."
so live,
and walk pedant;
your circle-stretched oval.
sidewinding, stride binding
hold your mirror
up to the sun. goodbye.
"on whom do you rely?"

meet: Sarah.
meet: Joseph.
they're getting married
in the apple orchards.

and another one
comes.
empty cans tied to the back
liked empty cans also
so they know the noise,
always.
infinity in a ring,
dress, and roses.
always.
and this gives me peace.

but you took it
from me, and raped it
till it loved you.

You get very angry at a person here and I like the juxtaposition (that's right, I've been in an English class) of rape and love but I'm not sure I get who 'you' is. Is it a specific person or type of person? I don't think it's any other 'character' in the poem.

Anyway, i really like how the poem sounded

('your circle-stretched oval.
sidewinding, stride binding' My favourite line. I love the repeated ssss and I like those internal rhymes. )

I suppose the colons seem a bit pointless to me. Meh, I'm kind of grasping at straws . I liked it a lot, not quite as much as rhododendron room, but better than alll your others. I don't think you made any 'mistakes' as it were, so any criticism I make will probably simply be as a result of your ideas, not because you didn't carry them off properly and I feel it's pointless to point out the former, as it's not up to us to change your actual ideas.
On vacation from modding = don't pm me with your pish
Last edited by meh! at Sep 9, 2008,
#12
Kent, this to me is telling us that the world we live in has no companions. We stride within our own paths, and no further. And even when we die, our memory will be forgotten and the live we lived will be scorned by the higher father. No marriage will bring happiness only the misconception of hope and its inner tumult.

I got to say, this was impressive.
Last edited by Bleed Away at Sep 11, 2008,
#13
For me this is someone realising that they have no control over their lives because there are other people involved and other elements that are beyond their control.

I think that you walked a very fine line, not making it too obvious, and I like that. It's very open to interpretation and yet can come off very clear cut if you read it with a certain idea in mind.

I don't think I'd change anything, really. Bits of punctuation here and there but nothing that I would actually bother to mention, as I really liked reading this and the replies as well.
This is not a pipe