#1
Excuse me if it's a little vague....but this is about work

c4c as always

enjoy


It seems like some sunny days just don't want to die
Having to wait to grow old and let the grey color me in
Is this who I am? A man who sets life aside to let the pain subside?
Or am I just a nobody? Invisible, seen neither by keen nor wandering eyes?

No, I'm only a canticle stuck in some random head
not worth mentioning or letting the world hear
like a caged canary longing for his freedom
but the door never opens so his hope inside is dead

So what kind of life should I live if you shackle my ankles
given only four feet to move and setting the water six feet away
On hands and knees to drink like a bitch, you would laugh
then beat me with a stick and leave me to the maggots to decay
Pretending it never happened and ignoring me and my wounds
Every deed always has a way of coming back around
Vivamus mea Lesbia, atque amemus,
rumoresque senum seueriorum
omnes unius aestimemus assis!
#2
Quote by Eaglestalon101


It seems like some sunny days just don't want to die
Having to wait to grow old and let the grey color me in
I really like this beginning. It's dark and pessimistic but I kind of like things in that way sometimes.
Is this who I am? A man who sets life aside to let the pain subside?
Or am I just a nobody? Invisible, seen neither by keen nor wandering eyes?
This is really well written but it broke the flow to me. Maybe you could divide this stanza.

No, I'm only a canticle stuck in some random head
not worth mentioning or letting the world hear
like a caged canary longing for his freedom
but the door never opens so his hope inside is dead
This stanza is amazing !

So what kind of life should I live if you shackle my ankles
given only four feet to move and setting the water six feet away
On hands and knees to drink like a bitch, you would laugh
then beat me with a stick and leave me to the maggots to decay
Pretending it never happened and ignoring me and my wounds
Everything in here is amazingly bitter; dunno why, but I don't like the word B+tch in there...
Every deed always has a way of coming back around
This is a little clichéd end, IMO


I really liked how everything was written in here, but it's too depressing, even for me. Still, I think you did an amazing job.

Nice work !
#3
^^^I used bitch in there referencing as the dog, yet adding emphasis to be like someones bitch...but it's not in the sense of actually being profane
Vivamus mea Lesbia, atque amemus,
rumoresque senum seueriorum
omnes unius aestimemus assis!