#1
The river always welcomes rain,
akin to the mellow rush
spilling a calm, plush offspring –
and the moss mediates whatever pressures
that lie between rocks and spines.
So soaks, and the low branches
meditate their lichens at close-skin windows;
hope sinning meadows crease with streams.
Roots feel tight, real tight like
syntactical marriage,
and the wetting is loose
and open
and sloping down
in musical sounds.

I feel a symphony of hands and water –
a liquid humbling of nature’s vibrations.
Last edited by jamminbass at Sep 11, 2008,
#2
I'll get back to this. Just quick points for the moment that I hate the font and the title.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#3
Quote by jamminbass
The river always welcomes rain, just gotta say thats one hell of a opening line, would love to see some more poems starting like that
Akin to the mellow rush
Spilling a calm, plush offspring –
And the moss mediates whatever
Pressures that lie between rocks and spines.
So soaks, and the low branches
Meditate their lichens at close-skin windows;
Hope sinning meadows crease with streams.
Roots feel tight, real tight like
Syntactical marriage,
And the wetting is loose
And open
And sloping down
In musical sounds.

I feel a symphony of hands and water –
A liquid humbling of nature’s vibrations.


i love the overall poem , there dosnt seem to be any flaws and it really sets a peaceful image.
#4
Quote by jamminbass
The river always welcomes rain,
Akin to the mellow rush
Spilling a calm, plush offspring –
And the moss mediates whatever
Pressures that lie between rocks and spines.
I think the line break would work much better if the 'pressures' was on the other line
Think it should have a 'the' before 'rocks'

So soaks, and the low branches
Meditate their lichens at close-skin windows;
Hope sinning meadows crease with streams.
Roots feel tight, real tight like
I think this 'roots' should be the first capitalised first word of the line. It looks strange with all of the capitalisation, and I think something softer and easier on the eye would make this work in a much nicer way
Syntactical marriage,
And the wetting is loose
And open
And sloping down
The 'and' repeated shouldn't work
but it does

In musical sounds.
Not sure about the rhyme. It was okay.

I feel a symphony of hands and water –
A liquid humbling of nature’s vibrations.
Lovely


I really enjoyed this. Without the over-capitalisation and with a couple of small changes, this would be absolutely beautiful.

I'd really appreciate a look and a comment on the piece in my sig. I really did enjoy this

EDIT: and as I said before, the title doesn't feel very fitting to me and neither does the font.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!