#1
READ THIS FIRST BEFORE THE LYRICS

--- i just started writing so dont abuse to much , if you can give me some advice on how to better them just tell me, thanks. (oh btw these lyrics are supposed to be for punk songs , but i dunno )Also only bother reading my thread if your feeling generous , bored and have the time. Oh and if you wanna rate in comments could you do it so like by numbers , like my song channeled starts with a 1) so if you could rate like this .

1) you suck ect.
2) lol lame
3)get a life
4) make me wanna kill you myself

thanks,


1). this is a song i wrote like two nites ago , i know its cheesy , i havn't edited it yet,
i just wanted to get some second opinions before i do so yea... its called Channelled


Welcome, introduce yourself
Look at us
Decading your health
Your death doesn’t cause a fuss

Die nemesis
You are my enemy
Can you hear the fizz?
Of your flesh melting
Last thing you see is me

Take another gasp of air
As you melt in my lair
In your eyes I jammed the keys
Sit up a little please
So I can beat you with a chair

So you went crying for help
Death and pain are your only charge
Your muffled for your yelp
Death to us all
Masscare at the mall

Die nemesis
You are my enemy
Can you hear the fizz?
Of your flesh melting
Last thing you see is me

Open the gate
Unleash all hate
This is your fate
I will not lie
Now you will die

Die nemesis
You are my enemy
Can you hear the fizz?
Of your flesh melting
Last thing you see is me

that channeled song was suppost to be about attacking somone, torturing them , then they get away , they told the cops, so you attack them again and melt their body in hyrdo chloric acid in your garagge , was suppost to be a punk song.

2)okay this was my first poem aimed to be a original song , i wrote it on the 6/6/08 , so yea , its really cheesy , its name is manslaughter tell me what you think. Oh and i cant take full credit for it, my freind suggested one line , ill mention after the song on that tho.

Manslaughter

elements of my hate
circle round my head
and awaiting their fate
soon they will be dead

I can now remember
I have cast them to the void
what I have done to her
perhaps with them I've toyed
though its just a corpse
I fear that it worps

envy shall engulf us
all emotions turned to fear
lives hidden in a fluss
paranoia grips us here

water will keep secrets
corroding the past
we will be placing bet's
on who will be last

I can now remember
I have cast them to the void
what I have done to her
perhaps with them I've toyed
though its just a corpse
I fear that it worps

there is no mark
the stings will not fade
merely just dark
because now the've payed

okay yea so that was my first song , as i was talking about my freind started editing this (didnt get finished) anyway they changed one thing the line awaiting their fate in the first verse, was originally havnt you seen them mate ... freind changed it so yea. watev i know its a crap song tho.

3)Okay this is my second song ive ever written it , really cheesy but better than first song, its name is Ungreatful bitch and is not named to be sexist , anyone can be hated and i am certainly not sexist.

i deserve what is rightfully mine
oh, but im generous
i'll even pay to dine

i'll give you it all
hope you enjoy it!
and if you still dont call
then your an ungreatfull shit

revealed

will be my second skin
i'll take back what is mine
and show you a new kind of sin

why

do you have to act like you do
in all truthfullness your an ungreatfull shit
if not you, can i ask who?

when i ask this
i cannot hear a sound
staring blankly, i relise
theres another one to be found

Tomorrow

i pack my bags
forgetting you
but not forgetting you
i think into my mind
are the decievers my kind
still forgetting you
since we dined
your in my head
thats why i asked

why

do you have to act like you do
in all truthfullness your an ungreatfull shit
if not you, can i ask who?


okay i know it sucked , anyway thats it

4) heres some random verse's and comments on them

4.1 this line was aimed at a priest, it had a verse before it, but i lost it , and it dosnt make much sense anymore lol.

Your deceit shall soon stain your feet
Painting over your victims forever scarred mind
We should of expected no less
Your kind always leave a mess when you meet

4.2 another hate based thing

Your now kneeling before me begging for forgiveness
Im now dealing with the decision
my hate shall decide your fate
Nothing is okay , in my domain , all there is, is pain
None of this is feign
You shall feel my mark
I no longer linger in the dark

4.3 verse about been right

Have I really set your free,
By just leaving you be?
Then finaly in strife,
You come asking for me.
With blood smeared on your face,
Asking if you can trace,
My hate seared life.

4.4 another verse about been right i guess

So I see you,
And I don’t know what your gonna do.
When I leave town,
Just promise me you wont drown.

4.5 was trying to write somthing punk , but anyway just a sorta neat (neat for my standards verse) very concise tho

I bite at my wrist
Blood to be spilled
Gnawing at my fist
Until I am fulfilled

4.6 about just falling into your own thoughts while alot goes on

those days when i wish i was four
when i just can't take it anymore
a complex situation
so much stress
my life is a mess

4.7 the lyrics pretty much tell it all

building up preasure
from a lack of leisure
im about to
and then i explode
taking off of my load


okay thats all i got typed on my computer , plz rate and tell me how much i suck , thanks for reading this through.