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#1
Here an essay I wrote. It's a short story. I wrote it for english class and I just want to know what everyone thinks. sorry if its a little long but you dont have to read it haha


“The Phoenix”




Dave opened his eyes in excitement at 6:00 am to realize it was that special time of the year once again, Christmas. He quickly got up out of bed and rushed to his parent’s door. He pounded furiously at the locked door, until his parents woke up. His dad answered the door still sleepy eyed. His dad told him to wait on the bed so he could “check” to see if the presents were there. Dave quickly jumped on the bed with his mother and waited for his father’s return. After about a minute or so his dad gave him the call and Dave ran into the living room to see the gleaming plastic in the fan’s light. It was something he had dreamed numerous nights of and just stayed awake for hours on end thinking about it. Underneath the Christmas tree was a shiny, new B.C. Rich Warlock guitar. His parents had said they couldn’t afford it that year because “money was so tight.” Dave did not even see any of his other gifts. He just ripped the box open and plugged it into the new Roland amp and began to play. The first great note he played was an open E. It was a new light to him. One he had never even realized. It was like he had an unusual power now. It seemed so unreal because he had actually made that note happen and the realization of this just led him to play more and more. For hours on end he would play this guitar, never even thinking once about putting it down. He often dreamed of being a great rock star, but he knew it was an unrealistic dream. His father and mother had owned a music store that sold CD’s. It was called Casualty Music Center. They sold every type of music that one could imagine. It was the only one in the community, so it had a fairly good monopoly in the small town where they resided. His parents would always give him old CD’s from the store that no one had bought. He saved up many, many CD’s and he would trade them for money at a local guitar shop that also sold some CD’s. He would get 5 dollars for every CD that he brought in. Dave kept bringing in more and more CD’s and earning more money. He finally saved up enough up for the acoustic guitar in the store window that he had adored forever. His grandfather lived with his family and he had always played acoustic guitar when Dave was a baby, but his grandfather had long lost his guitar. Someone had stolen it. Dave walked up to the counter and brightly looked up at the cashier and said, “Can I have the guitar in the window.” The cashier replied positively and Dave had obtained an acoustic guitar. He walked home with a swagger in his step that had not been there before. Dave kept looking over his shoulder trying to spot someone that might want to strip him of his new joy. He brought it home and immediately started playing it. He loved the sound. It was so stripped down and raw, it was the kind of music that was not in the mainstream at the time. It was very different.

Years later, when Dave had plunged so deep into the acoustic and rock music he no longer felt that school was needed and he dropped out in the 11th grade. It was just him and music. That’s all that really mattered to him. Dave had become a skilled guitarist in all types of genres. His decision to drop out of school was not very much enjoyed by his parents. They gave him 2 options, either get a job or get out. He got a job. During football games and other sporting events, he would stand outside of the stadium with his amp and his acoustic guitar singing every song that he knows. He had a hat that people could put tips into. Many people did. The reason Dave played many sporting events for money was that because he had been fired from every other job he ever had. He couldn’t stand the 9 to 5 job life style. When asked why he could never keep a regular job he would just reply “I go anywhere the wind blows,” stealing a line from Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”. He had a band that he would often do other gigs with that would supply him with a little more spending money. He blew all his money on acoustic CD’s. His band was obviously an acoustic band with him as the front man. Dave would play guitar and sing. It was all he knew how to do and he was good at it. One night Dave was playing a gig at a well known Tavern called Bart’s. The atmosphere of this gig was different from the others. Dave could just feel it. He didn’t know what was going to happen, but he knew SOMETHING was going to happen. After a moving performance, he was approached by a man wearing all black. The man told Dave to come with him. Dave followed him out of the door and they walked to a nearby bar. The man bought him a drink and started to make small talk. Such as the classic “How is the weather” stuff. Dave was very wary of the man and just played along with what he said. After a long “weather” chat, the man in black finally said, “My name is Zakk Satriani. I would like to offer you and your band a record contract.” Dave could not believe what he was hearing. He had only played gigs because he loved it. He never intended to go anywhere with his music. His childhood dream of being a big rock star came rushing back to him. Dave quickly said yes and the man almost magically pulled a contract out of his jacket and said, “Sign here.”

Dave quickly grabbed a pen and signed the paper like John Hancock.

After much negotiating and recording the band was ready to put out its first single. The single was the be called “Be As You Are”, an original acoustic song about how much life can hurt sometimes, but you have to be as you are to survive and not to try to be someone you’re not because it will just make life harder. Unexpectedly, the day of its debut world wide, the album sold like wild fire. It was almost like the instant success of Nirvana with their “Smells Like Teen Spirit” single. Dave had written the entire album. It was obviously an all acoustic album. The album was called “Downer.” It was stripped down and raw. Mainstream music was being turned upside down by the overnight sensation that was Moksha, Dave band’s “Downer” had knocked off Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” off of the number 1 spot on the Billboard Charts. The new type of music from Dave was just so different for everything else in the mainstream at the time, it garnered it own name, Rawd. Dave was so ecstatic about his instant success. To top it all off Moksha was scheduled to debut on the VMA’s in a couple of days. He could not comprehend the thousands of people who wanted to be exactly like him. The thousands of people learning his guitar riffs and songs, learning to be like him. It was both creepy and perfect, it was mind-boggling. After the VMA’s he toured the world and released many more albums only to be inducted into the Rock N’ Roll hall of fame. As he stood there on the stage about to receive his award, his whole life flashed before his eyes. He could see himself playing guitar at the football games and his old classmates coming by would laugh at him calling him a nobody. As he came back to the real world, he just scoffed at those people. He wanted to say well look at me now. It was very satisfying for Dave. He had sold over 30 million records worldwide.

Many years later after tours and records and world-wide fame, Dave sat there on his front porch swing thinking about his life and how good it had been. Everything just seemed so perfect. He had inherited his parent’s store after they died. He was the only one that worked there and he was happy doing it. When a customer would come in and ask hey are you the Moksha guy. Dave would reply yes and gladly give them an autograph. He had lived the perfect life and music was the only thing he had ever loved and he had ever known.
Quote by Aaron the 4th
GAYS...we don't hate that your gay we hate that your proud of it
#7
I actually read it. As much as I'd love to dream about having such a great opportunity, it only happens to few of us.

Right now, I know it's an unrealistic dream, and yet I still have faith that I can make it. Some day I'll be looking back at this and probably thinking how stupid and naive I was. Most of us are stuck in the redundant cycle of futility.
#8
noice!
Quote by DieGarbageMan
i can become erect whilst displeasing women




What a talented person.
#11
Wasn't there a story posted yesterday that started at 6:00 a.m.?


UNORIGINAL
life is beautifuuuuooooaaaaaal
#13
I got to the part about waking up at 6 am and started falling asleep.

Overall it needs more titties, rape, vaginas, titties and zombies.
None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free.
#14
no twist after the record deal, no satan is the record company guy?
its all rushed after the contract
Quote by guitardude34875
be the music, not the scene
#15
Quote by Schism1985
k koo

that
Current Gear:
LTD MH-400 with Gotoh GE1996T (EMG 85/60)
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Audient iD22 interface
Peavey Revalver 4, UAD Friedman BE100/DS40
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Quote by Anonden
You CAN play anything with anything....but some guitars sound right for some things, and not for others. Single coils sound retarded for metal, though those who are apeshit about harpsichord probably beg to differ.
#17
thats pretty good, but you fail for actually doing a school assignment
Quote by Bloodavian
Its not about the Radio its about talent, the front man has a bigger vocal range than Micheal Jackson and he can sing from heavey metal to high pitched ...No.12 on the top 20 under rated guitarists of ALL TIME...etc

1-Bloodavian 0-Forkman.

^Fail^
#18
Quote by Nirvana6722
Here an essay I wrote. It's a short story. I wrote it for english class and I just want to know what everyone thinks. sorry if its a little long but you dont have to read it haha


“The Phoenix”




Dave opened his eyes in excitement at 6:00 am to realize it was that special time of the year once again, Christmas. He quickly got up out of bed and rushed to his parent’s door. He pounded furiously at the locked door, until his parents woke up. His dad answered the door still sleepy eyed. His dad told him to wait on the bed so he could “check” to see if the presents were there. Dave quickly jumped on the bed with his mother and waited for his father’s return. After about a minute or so his dad gave him the call and Dave ran into the living room to see the gleaming plastic in the fan’s light. It was something he had dreamed numerous nights of and just stayed awake for hours on end thinking about it. Underneath the Christmas tree was a shiny, new B.C. Rich Warlock guitar. His parents had said they couldn’t afford it that year because “money was so tight.” Dave did not even see any of his other gifts. He just ripped the box open and plugged it into the new Roland amp and began to play. The first great note he played was an open E. It was a new light to him. One he had never even realized. It was like he had an unusual power now. It seemed so unreal because he had actually made that note happen and the realization of this just led him to play more and more. For hours on end he would play this guitar, never even thinking once about putting it down. He often dreamed of being a great rock star, but he knew it was an unrealistic dream. His father and mother had owned a music store that sold CD’s. It was called Casualty Music Center. They sold every type of music that one could imagine. It was the only one in the community, so it had a fairly good monopoly in the small town where they resided. His parents would always give him old CD’s from the store that no one had bought. He saved up many, many CD’s and he would trade them for money at a local guitar shop that also sold some CD’s. He would get 5 dollars for every CD that he brought in. Dave kept bringing in more and more CD’s and earning more money. He finally saved up enough up for the acoustic guitar in the store window that he had adored forever. His grandfather lived with his family and he had always played acoustic guitar when Dave was a baby, but his grandfather had long lost his guitar. Someone had stolen it. Dave walked up to the counter and brightly looked up at the cashier and said, “Can I have the guitar in the window.” The cashier replied positively and Dave had obtained an acoustic guitar. He walked home with a swagger in his step that had not been there before. Dave kept looking over his shoulder trying to spot someone that might want to strip him of his new joy. He brought it home and immediately started playing it. He loved the sound. It was so stripped down and raw, it was the kind of music that was not in the mainstream at the time. It was very different.

Years later, when Dave had plunged so deep into the acoustic and rock music he no longer felt that school was needed and he dropped out in the 11th grade. It was just him and music. That’s all that really mattered to him. Dave had become a skilled guitarist in all types of genres. His decision to drop out of school was not very much enjoyed by his parents. They gave him 2 options, either get a job or get out. He got a job. During football games and other sporting events, he would stand outside of the stadium with his amp and his acoustic guitar singing every song that he knows. He had a hat that people could put tips into. Many people did. The reason Dave played many sporting events for money was that because he had been fired from every other job he ever had. He couldn’t stand the 9 to 5 job life style. When asked why he could never keep a regular job he would just reply “I go anywhere the wind blows,” stealing a line from Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”. He had a band that he would often do other gigs with that would supply him with a little more spending money. He blew all his money on acoustic CD’s. His band was obviously an acoustic band with him as the front man. Dave would play guitar and sing. It was all he knew how to do and he was good at it. One night Dave was playing a gig at a well known Tavern called Bart’s. The atmosphere of this gig was different from the others. Dave could just feel it. He didn’t know what was going to happen, but he knew SOMETHING was going to happen. After a moving performance, he was approached by a man wearing all black. The man told Dave to come with him. Dave followed him out of the door and they walked to a nearby bar. The man bought him a drink and started to make small talk. Such as the classic “How is the weather” stuff. Dave was very wary of the man and just played along with what he said. After a long “weather” chat, the man in black finally said, “My name is Zakk Satriani. I would like to offer you and your band a record contract.” Dave could not believe what he was hearing. He had only played gigs because he loved it. He never intended to go anywhere with his music. His childhood dream of being a big rock star came rushing back to him. Dave quickly said yes and the man almost magically pulled a contract out of his jacket and said, “Sign here.”

Dave quickly grabbed a pen and signed the paper like John Hancock.

After much negotiating and recording the band was ready to put out its first single. The single was the be called “Be As You Are”, an original acoustic song about how much life can hurt sometimes, but you have to be as you are to survive and not to try to be someone you’re not because it will just make life harder. Unexpectedly, the day of its debut world wide, the album sold like wild fire. It was almost like the instant success of Nirvana with their “Smells Like Teen Spirit” single. Dave had written the entire album. It was obviously an all acoustic album. The album was called “Downer.” It was stripped down and raw. Mainstream music was being turned upside down by the overnight sensation that was Moksha, Dave band’s “Downer” had knocked off Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” off of the number 1 spot on the Billboard Charts. The new type of music from Dave was just so different for everything else in the mainstream at the time, it garnered it own name, Rawd. Dave was so ecstatic about his instant success. To top it all off Moksha was scheduled to debut on the VMA’s in a couple of days. He could not comprehend the thousands of people who wanted to be exactly like him. The thousands of people learning his guitar riffs and songs, learning to be like him. It was both creepy and perfect, it was mind-boggling. After the VMA’s he toured the world and released many more albums only to be inducted into the Rock N’ Roll hall of fame. As he stood there on the stage about to receive his award, his whole life flashed before his eyes. He could see himself playing guitar at the football games and his old classmates coming by would laugh at him calling him a nobody. As he came back to the real world, he just scoffed at those people. He wanted to say well look at me now. It was very satisfying for Dave. He had sold over 30 million records worldwide.

Many years later after tours and records and world-wide fame, Dave sat there on his front porch swing thinking about his life and how good it had been. Everything just seemed so perfect. He had inherited his parent’s store after they died. He was the only one that worked there and he was happy doing it. When a customer would come in and ask hey are you the Moksha guy. Dave would reply yes and gladly give them an autograph. He had lived the perfect life and music was the only thing he had ever loved and he had ever known.



what?
Quote by frankv
Tokio Hotel is probably the worst thing Germany has produced since WW2.


#19
cheap warlocks=cheap shit guitar
Quote by HaKattack
Woman tone, eh?

Set treble to PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN WHEN YOU'RE DONE
Mids to YOU'RE DRIVING TOO FAST
Bass to WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "MAKE ME A SANDWICH"?
Gain to NOT TONIGHT, I HAVE A HEADACHE.

starter of the nadsat group
#20
Why a BC Rich?
Quote by guitarhero_764
I think you need to stop caring what people think about it. I stayed home all day today and masturbated like 5 times. Fucking blast.

Ibanez ATK300 ◈ Sansamp VT Bass ◈ EHX Nano Small Stone ◈ Hartke LH500 ◈ Ashdown/Celestion 115
#21
Zakk Satriani, very nice.
Join cashcrate to make easy money. It may be tedious, but it does indeed work! Easily make $100 in about a week filling out random surveys.
#22
That is the saddest story I have ever read.


What kind of parents would give their child a B.C. Ricc?!?!?!?! Whoever wrote this, you're a monster. You could have had the parents beat him or something more humane like that, but to give him a B.C. Rich? That's heartless.
life is beautifuuuuooooaaaaaal
#24
Quote by SmarterChild
It lacked a little something. Possibly excitement, originality and good writing.


Harsh, but true.
#28
That was the mosty typical thing i have ever read.....
needs more violence.....
and guns.....
and less BC Riches......
#29
Very good, just try to make your sentences longer. Keep the short sentences for moments of suspense, tension etc.
#30
Quote by Nirvana6722
After about a minute or so his dad gave him the call and Dave ran into the living room to see the gleaming plastic in the fan’s light... Underneath the Christmas tree was a shiny, new B.C. Rich Warlock guitar.

Fans don't give off light, and electric guitars aren't made of plastic.

Overall, it is a little contrived, but its pretty good considering you're 14/15. Keep on writing, just finishing the story shows something.

Quote by emad
jthm_guitarist
Warned for trolling!


Quote by metal4eva_22
Didn't you say that you had a stuffed fox that you would occasionally fuck?

Quote by Axelfox
It's not a fox,it's a wolf.
#33
Only read the last paragraph. A happy life?
Stupid story, no one lives happy.
A message to all readers: I’m a cynical, satirical, sadistic, heartless, sardonic, mocking, demotivating, derisive, scathing, contemptuous, disdainful, scornful and condescending guy. And I love it.

Quote by Amalgam
I like this guy's thinking.
#34
oh thank god all that i was waitng to get bel-aired
Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
The 2 best colours EVER pitted against each other? No wai!

I voted lime.

Quote by SeveralSpecies
btw lime kicked ass

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Team Lime Green!
#35
Quote by nebiru
I got to the part about waking up at 6 am and started falling asleep.

Overall it needs more titties, rape, vaginas, titties and zombies.

This, definatly.

Because the world won't work right without tities, rape, vaginas, titties, and zombies.

oh, and Superman
#36
What about the harsh trials of being a musician below the breadline! giving handjobs for crack in club bathrooms and being trodden in by reviewers! While it had a sentimental edge I liked (with the grandfather and the acoustic) it just seemed liked "then this happened, then this happened etc." like a quick biography rather than a story.
#37
theres no conflicts....
Soon you will sit on the bench
of those who deny I have my soul
You sell a dream you create
Condemned by what you condemned before
Smooth are the words you sing down and high
Underground is your joy your laws
#38
Pretty good, but could use some work with transistions and word choice, but overall a great piece of writing!
#39
Quote by SmarterChild
It lacked a little something. Possibly excitement, originality and good writing.

This.
It's Only Rock and Roll, But I like It
#40
Quote by SonataFanica
That is the saddest story I have ever read.


What kind of parents would give their child a B.C. Ricc?!?!?!?! Whoever wrote this, you're a monster. You could have had the parents beat him or something more humane like that, but to give him a B.C. Rich? That's heartless.


lol

If I had written this I would have said a gibson, fender, PRS, ESP, shit even an ibanez or an epiphone. B.C. Rich?!? wtf?!
Quote by Bloodavian
Its not about the Radio its about talent, the front man has a bigger vocal range than Micheal Jackson and he can sing from heavey metal to high pitched ...No.12 on the top 20 under rated guitarists of ALL TIME...etc

1-Bloodavian 0-Forkman.

^Fail^
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