#1
ok, so i have a drama audition saturday (or monday, probably monday) and i need a super short monologue thats ridiculously easy to memorize. hopefully something i could sit down while performing, so it would be less "acting" and more reciting. any suggestions?
Quote by Soma3009
I came up with this kick ass riff on my ukelele when I was 12. Find out two years later, it was smoke on the water. Got my hopes and dreams killed..



Quote by saintjimmy99
you used the right form of "their!" i commend you sir!

#2
dramatic reading of i cum blood?
Vikings? What Vikings? We are but poor, simple farmers. The village was burning when we got here, and the people must have slain themselves.
#3
i wish. but really i need something extremely easy to memorize, like something that repeats lines etc.
Quote by Soma3009
I came up with this kick ass riff on my ukelele when I was 12. Find out two years later, it was smoke on the water. Got my hopes and dreams killed..



Quote by saintjimmy99
you used the right form of "their!" i commend you sir!

#4
My little story takes place at a tropical villa

I fell in love with a flavour, yes it was vanilla

Mini.......wheats wheats wheats I wanted vanilla for so long

Mini wheats wheats wheats its high in fiber you can't go wrong

Vanilla flavour mixed with wheat put it together it cant be beat

Vanilla flavour mixed with wheat tastes so good, what a treat.

New vanilla mini wheats cereal

tastes so good good good.
Vikings? What Vikings? We are but poor, simple farmers. The village was burning when we got here, and the people must have slain themselves.
#5
Here's a whole website
http://www.whysanity.net/monos/

If you do plan on auditioning for plays or the like in the future, the director will prefer that you get your monologue from an actual play, having read the whole play already. That way you can better understand the character you are portaying, and also why you are delivering the monologue (the situation). But for now, that website will be fine and dandy and I have used it before I learned about what I mentioned above. Break a leg
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that is one goddamn shiny mother****ing toaster you have there
Quote by Dog--
It seems the top of those waffles are burnt.
Quote by imdeth
The toast has little red arrows growing from it. Nobody wants that.

SHUDDUP AND EAT YER TOAST
#6
vagina monologue

edit: If you can find one, do a Monty Python monologue
grok it.

SKREAM!

Listen to jazz, it's good for you...
Last edited by dubstar92 at Sep 9, 2008,
#7
Go for the classic:

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action. - Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.


or this one:


O that this too too solid flesh would melt,
Thaw, and resolve itself into a dew!
Or that the Everlasting had not fix'd
His canon 'gainst self-slaughter! O God! God!
How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable
Seem to me all the uses of this world!
Fie on't! ah, fie! 'Tis an unweeded garden,
That grows to seed: things rank and gross in nature
Possess it merely. That it should come to this!
But two months dead! nay, not so much, not two:
So excellent a king; that was to this,
Hyperion to a satyr: so loving to my mother
That he might not beteem the winds of heaven
Visit her face too roughly. Heaven and earth!
Must I remember? Why, she would hang on him
As if increase of appetite had grown
By what it fed on; and yet, within a month-
Let me not think on't- Frailty, thy name is woman!-
A little month, or ere those shoes were old
With which she followed my poor father's body
Like Niobe, all tears- why she, even she,-
O God! a beast that wants discourse of reason
Would have mourn'd longer,- married with my uncle;
My father's brother, but no more like my father
Than I to Hercules; within a month:
Ere yet the salt of most unrighteous tears
Had left the flushing in her galled eyes,
She married.
It is not, nor it cannot come to good.
But break my heart, for I must hold my tongue!


Yes, i love Hamlet!!
#8
Quote by dubstar92
vagina monologue


Yeah...whatever I said before? IGNORE IT AND DO THIS! Vagina monologues ALWAYS give me lulz.
Quote by jetfuel495
that is one goddamn shiny mother****ing toaster you have there
Quote by Dog--
It seems the top of those waffles are burnt.
Quote by imdeth
The toast has little red arrows growing from it. Nobody wants that.

SHUDDUP AND EAT YER TOAST
#10
You could always go for this one too and i'm sure this one will certainly be a win!:

We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get ****ed by dicks. But dicks also **** assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can **** an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they **** too much or **** when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us **** this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!
#11
Quote by af_the_fragile

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action. - Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.


Say what you will. But this is the greatest monologue EVAR!!!

Made much more awesome when you understand it

Shakespeare = Genius
This water's dark and coldGod's not where you hopedThis moment come and goneIt's time we all moved on
#12
The Holy Hand Grenade from Monty Python and the Holy grail:

A Reading from the Book of Armaments, Chapter 4, Verses 16 to 20:



Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

-- Monty Python, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"
I am the Stig.
#13
Mark Anthony's "Dogs Of War" speech from Julius Caesar, I just had an audition a week or so ago for Romeo and Juliet and used that
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Saw extended blue dick,
clicked X.

Sorry,
force of habit


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There is only one solution. We need to bomb outer space. That should show those terrorist bastards who's who
#14
Antony or Brutus' monologue from Julius Caesar are always good, they are both fairly short too so memorizing shouldn't be too difficult.
Mr. Butlertron are you A handsome B smart C scrap metal or D all of the above
Scangrade thats easy I'm A and B but not C, so it can't be all of the above, but you can't fill in two ovals Nooo!
Mr. Butlertron the answer is C... you fuckwad
#15
"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you." I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never really questioned what it meant. I thought it was just a cold-blooded thing to say to a mother****er before you popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. Now I'm thinkin': it could mean you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. .45 here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could be you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin, Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.


kinda hard to memorize but its said sitting down with a stern face and a gun

that would be so epic if you did that +1 for whoever gets the reference should be pretty easy
UG's Prodigal Son