#1
So tired of thinking,
So ready for drinking,
What shall I do,
All I think of is you,
So tired of thinking
That is all I know,
Could never let you go,

The cut runs deep,
From where you last hit,
Can;t make it over its to steep,
I can't take this shit,

So tired of thinking,
So tired of thinking,

I feel it every time,
That my eyes hit yours,
Knowing you will never be mine,
As far away as the shores

So tired for thinking,
So tired for thinking,

I know I will find a way,
To get past whats behind us,
There will be another day,
When we get that trust,

So tired of thinking,
So tired,
So tired


____________________

Feedback please,
Constructive criticism welcome.
This is the first time I have written in about a year or two.
I want what cannot be given
And i try to give what is not wanted
#3
I think you will look back on this a year from now and say "What the eff is this?"

Not because it's bad. It's not bad, it's just a bit of an immature style. I think that for not writing in a few years, this is pretty decent. The rhymes are just a bit cliche, and you see this theme everywhere in songs and poems.

It seems almost like everything here was forced, and you're all over the place. You're talking about being tired of thinking. And you also mention a girl that will never be yours, but in the next verse, you say that you'll find a way to get past what's behind you. Just seems like you're contradicting yourself.

I'm in no way saying this sucks, if that's what it sounds like. I'm simply trying to help, and you said constructive criticism was welcome. This piece seems like you're just trying to get back in the swing of writing, and that's good. But I suggest for your next piece that you put just a little more thought into what you write.

I can't wait to see your next.
ok, yeah. my name is silly because I signed up when I was 13.

BEDBUGS
#4
Thanks for the CC. I need it I love writing but I sort of got away from it. Thanks for the help. It was sort of forced I need to get back into the feeling ya know. I know I still need work. Thanks
I want what cannot be given
And i try to give what is not wanted
#5
Quote by charred_bassist
Thanks for the CC. I need it I love writing but I sort of got away from it. Thanks for the help. It was sort of forced I need to get back into the feeling ya know. I know I still need work. Thanks

No problem, man. I'm just trying to help a bit.
Let me know when you write more, I'm looking forward to seeing it.
ok, yeah. my name is silly because I signed up when I was 13.

BEDBUGS
#6
In my opinion, I would stop with the simplistic rhyming.

I'm not saying look for a rhyme for purple, but the whole drinking, thinking - you, do thing is old as dirt.

Try mixing it up a little, buddy.