#1
ok first of all, i'm an amateur at writing lyrics. so this is actually my first serious piece that i've written. i showed it to my friend/band member and he said it was "not bad, there's potential" but i thought that maybe he said that just to be nice. so i wanna hear some serious opinions.


Verse 1:
So tell me what it's like
in your world
You were always hush about that
but i would like to know

Verse 2:
From sharing laughters to ideas
in growing up
You were always keen about that
and i begin to see your glow

Pre chorus:
I could see your eyes
but never your soul
I could hear your voice
but never your songs

Chorus:
Take me to your world
where I can ditch my worries
Embrace me with your arms
i want to be part of your memory

Verse 3:
All we know is fading
stretch your arm and pull me in
I need a little more help
can you hear my call for plea?
Look at all the people who wants to get sigged
#2
Verse 1: I think it could use some rearranging. I would start it with "You were always so hushed/about your world/ etc..."
Verse 2: Again, the premise is good. But the way it's presented makes it awkward. Seems like you're trying too hard to force the wording to fit a specific structure.
Pre-chrous: I liked this a lot. But maybe try "feel" instead of "see".
Chorus: Last line was great. Not to sure about "ditch". Maybe "bury" instead. It'll give a nice internal rhyme with "worries". Also a would be more specific than "world". Maybe "house" instead or an even more specific location. Also the "embrace me with your arms" doesn't fit that well. Maybe something like "Let me in...."
Verse 3: The weakest part of the piece. The lines just don't integrate well.
Anyways, I hope the read more from you.

Crit mine please
Soundwave Erosions
#3
^

thanks alot marsvolta! i'm learning so much from you!
Look at all the people who wants to get sigged