#1
UNITY THROUGH MUSIC

Music is our shelter, a place that we can go
Through music we are united, and unity brings hope
Hope for peace and freedom, hope for change
Hope for an end to our leaders so derranged

An eye for an eye, will leave us all blind
Tooth for a tooth, we'll be raging wars for all time
Take the anger out of your heart
And throw away your guns...CRIT 4 CRIT!
With an irresistible blend of reggae induced hip-hop and catchy pop-punk hooks, Half Chance Heroes captivates audiences with their unique sound and energetic stage show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8bSU0u8uvM
#2
I like the first stanza, but I don't particularly enjoy the second. I think when you used eye for an eye, it was just kinda like "eh, heard it before" and the tooth for tooth seemed like you were trying too hard. It sounds harsh, but by all means, I really like the first part. It reminds me of Operation Ivy stuff.


Can you crit mine please? Nobody has looked at it.
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=955361
#4
Quote by Descendent-182
UNITY THROUGH MUSIC

Music is our shelter, a place that we can go
Through music we are united, and unity brings hope 'Through' seems to make this line too much. Maybe change it to 'In'
Hope for peace and freedom, hope for change
Hope for an end to our leaders so derranged

An eye for an eye, will leave us all blind I agree with the earlier poster that this line would be great if you invented it. But since you didn't, it doesn't really do that much. Maybe you can keep the same idea but insert your own twist?
Tooth for a tooth, we'll be raging wars for all time
Take the anger out of your heart
And throw away your guns...These last couple lines are a little too literal for my liking.


I don't think this piece is bad. But I don't think there's anything special here either. These lyrics could definitely work in a song. Or not. And either way, I wouldn't really be bothered by it. My final judgment: good sentiment, but try to do more to make the listener think. Listen to some Pennywise or Bad Religion for some examples of saying the same things in awesomely creative ways.

C4C always appreciated, newest piece in my sig! Thanks!

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#5
I LIKE!!! lol.

Through music we are united, and unity brings hope.