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#1
Today in my math class we were working on common sense problems. My teacher was trying to make everyone look stupid because everyone in that class is pretty stupid.

The teacher wrote one question on the board:
Quote by Teacher

Indiana Jones is standing on a rock in the middle of a pond. The water is infested with man-eating piranhas. His mother wants to save him, but he is 20 ft. away from the shore and she only has two wooden planks only 19.5 ft. in length.

Draw a diagram with an explanation to save Indiana Jones.


He singled me out to come up to the board so I wrote;

"two wooden planks only 19.5 feet in length."

Just use them both. LOOPHOLE FTW!



No one got the "FTW" part.


Alright, post similar experiences.
life is beautifuuuuooooaaaaaal
#2
well my maths teacher pwned me yesterday, i fell asleep in the lesson and he threw a pen at me
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#3
that diagram is retarded
Yea that's right, I want something to explode

I've been deaf, now I want noise

LOUD LOVE
#4
Everyone was talking about the 'End Of The World' thing about the LHC and stuff, and someone asked our English teacher if we were all going to die. His reply was 'I won't die. I'm immortal.'
#5
A former chemistry teacher of mine used to pull tricks all the time. I remember one time he gave the class a problem, then waited for everyone to solve it. He asked something like "Does everyone have the answe 28.3?" at which point all the dumbasses and teacher's pets raised their hands, and he just said "Oh alright, because that's wrong."
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#6
For some reason my entire class was gobsmacked, and my teacher deeply impressed when upon, just before Christmas, for some little gamey challenge, leave-class-first thing we got asked to recall all of Santa's reindeer, and I reeled them straight out while everyone else sat around with paper and pens, getting perhaps three or four.

This was in year Nine as well.


ಠ_ಠ

wat

#7
someone once asked in science during sex education "sir, where is the penis?"

the teacher just pointed at him!

...he was fired later that day
#8
I locked my Algebra teacher out of the class in eight grade. That was pretty awesome.
"My job is a decision-making... job. And as a result I make a lot of decisions."
-G.W.B
#9
Quote by themetalbucket
that diagram is retarded

i concor.
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Respect in the pit?

Lol

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#10
Quote by 12Jim34
Everyone was talking about the 'End Of The World' thing about the LHC and stuff, and someone asked our English teacher if we were all going to die. His reply was 'I won't die. I'm immortal.'

If I do decide to become a teacher, that's what I'm going to be like.

And that diagram makes no sense - as soon as someone stepped onto the second board, it would fall off.
#11
6 years ago, I was in a biology class. This one stupid kid (who later quit school) was sleeping during the class. The teacher threw his chalk at him. He got it straight on the forehead.

Talk about a brutal return to reality.
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#13
I had a few teachers who would slam a book right beside the head of a sleeping student to wake them up. The reactions are always funny.

Two guys came late so the science teacher had them do the experiment we just finished. It involved fire and hydrogen but he didn't tell them there would be a big bang.
Their reactions were priceless.

Those are teachers owning students but that's all I got.

Somewhat related:

Have you ever seen brain juice skirt from the skull of a pig fetus?
#14
nothin like that but on the subject of teachers...

Ms. Teat my English IV teacher who is co-sponsoring the unofficial senior Paris trip with Savage(who she openly called a man ***** in front of the class) made sure to remind us to get the parental consent form signed so we can "indulge responsibly of certain beverages" beings the drinking age over their is only 18

if only i had about $3000 to go to Paris
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#15
Quote by DashBlaster
My science teacher was comparing molecules moving around, (creating energy), to a moshpit. It was pretty funny.


When my science teacher did that lesson he put on a Queen CD and we had to dance
#18
My math class left my teacher utterly confused.
She was talking about denominators (something about them, canceling maybe), and in a moment of inspiration, I shouted out "DENOMAHNA!" And then everyone else was like "DOOT DOO DI DOO DOO!" Then we burst out into a rousing round of MAHNAMAHNA (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KC9FtLQJoGM)
I sing songs about everything she says, just to stir things up abit
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#21
Quote by Trefellin
Did she live up to her name?

not completely sure what you mean... but being this is the pit and everyones minds are in the gutter i'm guessing no
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#22
I had a maths teacher who used to call a friend of mine up to his desk to ask if they were alright. They replied yes, so he hit them round the head and said 'no! you're half right, half left!'. Then he'd call them up the next lesson, ask again. This time my friend thought he'd get away by saying he was half right, half left. He got hit round the head for being cheeky
#23
My world history teacher this year also taught geography when I was in seventh grade, and we had him that year, and one kid in my class fell asleep, so he took a metal trash can, took a pointer stick and slammed the trash can and the kid jolted up in his seat swearing...
#24
Quote by ToastYerLicks
My math class left my teacher utterly confused.
She was talking about denominators (something about them, canceling maybe), and in a moment of inspiration, I shouted out "DENOMAHNA!" And then everyone else was like "DOOT DOO DI DOO DOO!" Then we burst out into a rousing round of MAHNAMAHNA (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KC9FtLQJoGM)
I sing songs about everything she says, just to stir things up abit

lol
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#25
Quote by Flying Couch
If I do decide to become a teacher, that's what I'm going to be like.

And that diagram makes no sense - as soon as someone stepped onto the second board, it would fall off.

The second board is on top of the first
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#26
I told a teacher (who everyone in the school is scared shitless of) to **** off. I was a hero apparently, but the bastard deserved it.
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#27
My algebra teacher used to carry a yardstick around with him and if you were sleeping he'd slam it on your desk and it would wake everyone up in the room.

He also had a stereo in the room with classic rock cds in it and when the class was 'too quiet' he would turn it up full volume to scare us.

One day in my English AP class our teacher had left the room and we were going to have to write an AP practice essay so we decided to lock him out of the class room.

My friend put a fake "parking" ticket on the windshield of my computer teacher's expedition and she totally bought it and was freaking out. He didn't tell her it was fake for a few days. She took the joke well :]

I'm sure there were more..haha
#28
Quote by justinb904
not completely sure what you mean... but being this is the pit and everyones minds are in the gutter i'm guessing no


Did you not realize what her last name means?

Main Entry: teat
Function: noun
: the protuberance through which milk is drawn from an udder or breast : NIPPLE


If she had pleasantly large breasts, the irony would be delicious... Like fresh milk.
Last edited by Trefellin at Sep 11, 2008,
#29
Quote by Flying Couch


And that diagram makes no sense - as soon as someone stepped onto the second board, it would fall off.


False.
life is beautifuuuuooooaaaaaal
#30
In my chemistry class this doushe bag of a kid was saying a bunch of stuff to make him sound like a bad ass... i think it was like "yea, id knock that kid out i swear to god" and we all heard my chemistry teacher say "yeah coming from someone who squats to pee".... it was hilarious at the time. He just came out of nowhere with that and he wasnt even talking to him
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#33
my english teacher always plays soft music while we're writing, so my friend switched her John Mayer CD with something else, when she turned on the stereo she got blasted with some Metallica. It was awesome.

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#34
I'm convinced the pit is retarded if they can't figure out OP's diagram, first off.

Second off, I had a bio teacher freshman year who slammed a boogie board on my desk when I fell asleep. What a bastard.

Then again, there was also my senior year AP English teacher who cussed me out (Full on, hate-spewing, you're a POS cussed me out) for never showing up to class and not caring. He was real big on not missing his class, and whenever you missed after a certain number of times he took points off your grade regardless of reason (Illegal, but he put it on a "participation" thing cause he's a tricky bastard). My grade went from 77 (Which the TA, a girl I knew, totally BS'd for me) to 67. He said he would give me a C though, (after the cuss out) which is funny because aforementioned TA had already changed my grade before he told her to.
haha
#35
We made the english teacher cry.
Ah Year 9.

My tutor ran over my ex-drummer's foot.


And we were on an Austria School Music trip when my male friends decided to all kidnap me and take me across the corridor in the hotel we were staying, my tutor walks past and goes "Put her down, you don't know where she's been."
--------
#36
Quote by SonataFanica
False.

Woops. I see it now. I didn't notice that the second board was on the platform as well. My bad.
#37
Quote by apothecarrie
We made the english teacher cry.
Ah Year 9.

My tutor ran over my ex-drummer's foot.


And we were on an Austria School Music trip when my male friends decided to all kidnap me and take me across the corridor in the hotel we were staying, my tutor walks past and goes "Put her down, you don't know where she's been."




Owned
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#38
once in 8th grade i fell asleep and my teacher squirted water all over my desk and got everyone to leave the room.

i woke up thinking i had slobbered everywhere and school was out

my history teacher last year would catch you sleeping by being a ninja, he would crawl through desks and get right in your face and scare the shit out of you.

sophomore year my geometry teacher would throw pencils, pens, paper wads, etc. at people and blame it on other students. It got to the point that it was annoying and we started throwing stuff back.

EDIT: once this girl in class pissed my teacher off so bad that she just walked out and came back with a martini
The best thing about life is knowing you put it together
Last edited by MetalMegaMan at Sep 11, 2008,
#39
Wow, the teachers here in Wales are alot more 'lax. You're teachers are pretty uptight.

My D.T teacher openly swears at everyone e.g 'Chris if you don't **** off I will kick you right in the bollocks'. Then he'll take the piss out of Christ for being fat, 'Chris theres a point when you have to stop playing rugby.. and thats when you can't fit through the turnstiles to get it.'
And he carries around a 'silencer' which is a 3 inch 4 ft long plank of solid wood which he smashes on the table. He let us watch all the Euro 2008 matches on his whiteboard (or the high lights) and has motivators around his room.

My English teacher plays music during lessons from his IPod which is usually S.O.A.D or Gorillaz or something related, takes the piss out of everyone, and scares everyone who comes to the door. My friend Haider said to him 'Sir shouldn't there be an apostrophe at the end there?' and the my English teacher replied 'Haider if you don't back off theres a stapler heading your way..'. He is pro weed and talks about pineapple express all the time, and tells us storys of how a crack ***** offered herself to him and his friend in America.

My form teacher, also a history teacher is a complete junkie who discusses cannabis with me, and comes to school baked. One time, he tried to mute me with a TV remote, and fired staple guns around the room while doing James Bond barrel rolls and shit. Sometimes when we have maths first lesson he lets our form stay for a bit

My maths teacher plays music and has a sense of humour. On the last day of school I said to her 'have you ever played 52 card pick up?' and she said nah, so I threw all the cards at the floor and said, 'pick them the **** up' and she laughed and said 'are you taking the piss?' and she made someone else pick them up. Also, shes hot as **** and has nice tits.

My music teacher is fairly hot and listens to death metal and similar music. She chats to you like a person my age (16), and its pretty funny. She lets me play guitar all lesson, even when we're sposed to do theory because I pretty much know it all as I used to play Double Bass and was in an orchestra and shit.

My Biology teacher is just pretty crazy, and says random things like 'if you dont shut up you have to go and sit in volcano land'. And If you take Biology for A-Level - which I am, he has a party at his house and gives everyone free drinks, which are his homemade cider, which is like 9% and ****ing delicous - seriously it one like 4 awards at the Welsh cider awards.

Apart from all that, all the teachers are actually really good teachers, and i've learned more from them than the hardass teachers. And they don't care if I barely any uniform, so I basically where a blue polo shirt and whatever else I want.
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#40
so grade sheets had come out and this kid was looking at his grade in chemistry and he asked the teacher, "so is she on top of me?" the teacher sat there smiling and chuckled then replied, "thats what she said" everyone in the class busts out laughing.. for a teacher to pull at thats what she said joke during class was phenomenal
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