#1
i wrote this when i was really messed up so im not to sure what to think abuot it, i dont really like it at all, but then again im still baked right now, so i need all the crit i can get, its just about my everyday at school really, its an acoustic song


get up each morning and its time for school
dont even think about not following their rules
living life by a bell
i just ignore them when they yell
they dont like it if your one of a kind
tell you to raise your hand before you speak your mind

im not crazy
just a little to lazy
and a little to stoned to really care
im not crazy
just a little to lazy
to spend my time
mixing lyrics with rhymes

im sick of waking up to an alarm clock
sick of getting hassled by the cops
im sick of writing songs nobody's going to hear
sick of being the only one grinning from ear to ear
im ****ing sick of so many damn things
im sick of everything and all that it brings

but im not crazy
just a little to lazy
and a little to stoned to really care
im not crazy just a little to lazy
to spend my time mixing lyrics with rhymes

peace
#3
Quote by subopolois
u emo?



haha no not at all man, i dont know thats just what came out tonight, take alook at some of my other stuff and you ll be able to tell what im about, but thanks for all that insight
#4
forced rhymes, too many times.

AH-HAHAHAHAHA

i think it would be a funny rap song though.
Nikolas
#6
Sung by Simple Plan?
Quote by crazy8rgood
This, stockylachy, if i was a woman, i would want you to have my babies...

Wait...
#8
I thought the structure was great. The topic was lame though, and I just can't possibly fathom a great piece coming from the idea. I think you did the best you could. One suggestion, don't concentrate so much on the rhyming. Most of them are so forced it ruins what little you have going for the piece. And oh yeah, play the guitar stoned, but don't write lyrics stoned. you'll get a much better result .... Usually.
LISTEN:
A Myspace introduction to:

LEARN:
It's not always rainbows and butterflies,
It's compromise that moves us along. -- Maroon 5
#9
*coughs*
I'm in an unfront mood: crap topic written badly with horrible forced rhymes and no originality.

Simply put: if you don't like it, how the HELL do you expect other people to? If you don't like it, don't post it!
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#10
sick of being the only one grinning from ear to ear

this was the good line of the post. it's a good line, - brought on by accident im sure, but that dont take any away that its a good line. there are a lot of possibilities with a line like this, and yeah, reading it a few times, it's a good line.

the rest was shite though. you did get one good line out of it though, and that is what counts. the fact, though, that the rest was really bad counts too. the reader is making fun of you as they are reading it. it was funny how bad lines like 'tell you to raise your hand before you speak your mind were, and you didn't rhyme the word rhyme . and for god sakes man it's too
#12
Seriously, dude. This is AWWWWWWWFUL. Some of the lines actually had me laughing as i gagged. Write something while you AREN'T stoned. Not everyone can be like Bob Marely. If this is really your standard kind of stuff...............
Idk, just don't post any more of this shit
#13
Quote by sublime4evr
i wrote this when i was really messed up so im not to sure what to think abuot it, i dont really like it at all, but then again im still baked right now, so i need all the crit i can get, its just about my everyday at school really, its an acoustic song


get up each morning and its time for school
dont even think about not following their rules
maybe a little overused this rhyming couplet, but it does get the point across
living life by a bell
i just ignore them when they yell
drop the I and it'll have more impact
they dont like it if your one of a kind
tell you to raise your hand before you speak your mind

im not crazy
just a little to lazy
and a little to stoned to really care
im not crazy
just a little to lazy
to spend my time
mixing lyrics with rhymes

im sick of waking up to an alarm clock
sick of getting hassled by the cops
im sick of writing songs nobody's going to hear
sick of being the only one grinning from ear to ear
im ****ing sick of so many damn things
im sick of everything and all that it brings
I like this couplet the best, it works well
but im not crazy
just a little to lazy
and a little to stoned to really care
im not crazy just a little to lazy
to spend my time mixing lyrics with rhymes

peace


If you perform this with a little aggression in your voice, it may work better. I liked the anger coming through, but it may not work as an acoustic song as well as a rock song.
#14
I thought your theme was good, lyrics were just a little forced in places. And I dont know if the last word is 'Peace' but if it is you should take that out. other than that, it was a pretty decent. Crit mine if you dont mind? Its in my sig.