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#1
im writing my essay but im having a tough time make it sound fancy and good grammar and punctuaction i suck at writing

im doing an analysis of a story i read called the necklace

here is what i have so far please help me out writing is not my strongest subject


the Necklace is a very simple yet complex story it has dynamic characters, symbolism, irony and interesting themes?

Mathilde Loisel our protagonist is a dynamic character that changes through the story at the beginning of the story we see a description of her character “she was one of those pretty charming women, born, as if by an error of destiny into a family of clerk s and copyist. She had no dowry, no prospects, no way of getting known, courted, loved, and married by a rich and distinguished man. She finally settled for a marriage with a minor clerk in the ministry of education.”


any help is appreciated
my guitar stuff:
ESP JH-600
ValveKing 112
DigiTech Whammy Pedal
Taylor 314CE
Dunlop SW-95 Slash Wah Pedal
Cordoba C7 Nylon String Acoustic Guitar
Metal muff
Fender American Deluxe Stratocaster Ash
#2
simple yet complex - contradictory

. It has dynamic...

Loisel, our protaganist,

story. At the story, we

what grade are you in perchance?
#4
simple yet complex - contradictory

. It has dynamic...

Loisel, our protaganist,

story. At the story, we

what grade are you in perchance?


lmfao
m in college dude never learned how to type essays and stuff like that my writing is pretty crap and english is not my first languange

what i mean by simple and yet complex is that the story is a very short story but it has alot of stuff going on like the dynamic characters,the irony,the symbolism and the themes
my guitar stuff:
ESP JH-600
ValveKing 112
DigiTech Whammy Pedal
Taylor 314CE
Dunlop SW-95 Slash Wah Pedal
Cordoba C7 Nylon String Acoustic Guitar
Metal muff
Fender American Deluxe Stratocaster Ash
#5
The Necklace is a very simple, yet complex story. It has dynamic characters, symbolism, irony and interesting themes.

Mathilde Loisel, our protagonist, is a dynamic character that changes through out the story. At the beginning of the story we see a description of her character, “She was one of those pretty charming women, born, as if by an error of destiny into a family of clerk s and copyist. She had no dowry, no prospects, no way of getting known, courted, loved, and married by a rich and distinguished man. She finally settled for a marriage with a minor clerk in the ministry of education.”

Edited some of it for you. Remember, comas are your friends. Without them essays can seem unorganized and incoherent.

And add more to your thesis. Its probably the most important part to an essay.
#6
Here's what i would change.

The Necklace is a very interesting story. It contains dynamic characters, symbolism, irony, and interesting themes. A great example of this is Mathilde Loisel, the protagonist of our story, is the definition of a dynamic character. Loisel goes through several changes throughout the story. In the beginning of The Necklace, Loisel is portrayed as a charming woman who is born into a poor family.

The rest is unnecessary, imo.
#7
Here's what i would change.

The Necklace is a very interesting story. It contains dynamic characters, symbolism, irony, and interesting themes. In The Necklace, Mathilde Loisel--our protagonist--is the definition of a dynamic character. Loisel goes through several changes throughout the story. In the beginning of The Necklace, Loisel is portrayed as a charming woman who is born into a poor family.

The rest is unnecessary, imo.


thanks for correction but my professor wants me to add some quotes and i dont think i have a load of writing material if i dont quote
my guitar stuff:
ESP JH-600
ValveKing 112
DigiTech Whammy Pedal
Taylor 314CE
Dunlop SW-95 Slash Wah Pedal
Cordoba C7 Nylon String Acoustic Guitar
Metal muff
Fender American Deluxe Stratocaster Ash
#8
Quote by stefan1988
thanks for correction but my professor wants me to add some quotes and i dont think i have a load of writing material if i dont quote


Well he can't really put quotes in if he hasn't read the story.

Cut your essay into paragraphs based around points.

Make a statement, back it up with a quote, and analyse the quote to fully back up your statement.
#9
Quote by stefan1988
thanks for correction but my professor wants me to add some quotes and i dont think i have a load of writing material if i dont quote

Well, I'm guessing that there is more to the essay than just that..As that isn't an essay.


Well he can't really put quotes in if he hasn't read the story.

Exactly.

edit: I redid what i wrote to fix some mistakes


The Necklace is a very interesting story. It contains dynamic characters, symbolism, irony, and interesting themes. A great example of this is Mathilde Loisel. The protagonist of our story, Loisel is the definition of a dynamic character. Loisel goes through several changes throughout the story. In the beginning of The Necklace, Loisel is portrayed as a charming woman who is born into a poor family.
#10
yeah im going to type some more stuff

im adding the corrections you guys PUT since is tougher having to restructure everything if it has a bad foundation
my guitar stuff:
ESP JH-600
ValveKing 112
DigiTech Whammy Pedal
Taylor 314CE
Dunlop SW-95 Slash Wah Pedal
Cordoba C7 Nylon String Acoustic Guitar
Metal muff
Fender American Deluxe Stratocaster Ash
#11
I hope you aren't thinking about posting all your work on this in here and asking for corrections? Really you should go to the teacher. It's what they're there for. They can sit down with you, go through your work, highlight areas you need to work on and help you with it. Much more rewarding and you understand the corrections instead of just taking them blindly and not understanding.
#12
The Necklace is a very interesting story. It contains dynamic characters, symbolism, irony, and interesting themes. A great example of this is Mathilde Loisel. The protagonist of our story, Loisel is the definition of a dynamic character. Loisel goes through several changes throughout the story. In the beginning of The Necklace, Loisel is portrayed as a charming woman who is born into a poor family.


i got a question can i just throw some quotes after that like the one i put at the beginning? or how can i add quotes in a more structure or correct manner ?
my guitar stuff:
ESP JH-600
ValveKing 112
DigiTech Whammy Pedal
Taylor 314CE
Dunlop SW-95 Slash Wah Pedal
Cordoba C7 Nylon String Acoustic Guitar
Metal muff
Fender American Deluxe Stratocaster Ash
#13
Quote by stefan1988
i got a question can i just throw some quotes after that like the one i put at the beginning? or how can i add quotes in a more structure or correct manner ?

You could, but it wouldn't turn out well I don't think. Take DelirumBassist's advice. It's your teacher's job, afterall.
#14
I hope you aren't thinking about posting all your work on this in here and asking for corrections? Really you should go to the teacher. It's what they're there for. They can sit down with you, go through your work, highlight areas you need to work on and help you with it. Much more rewarding and you understand the corrections instead of just taking them blindly and not understanding.


my problem is lack of time man i got 5 classes and this class is every friday so i see the guy every 300 years. the guy told us straightout front that he cant help us with the grammar and structure since i should have learned that in enc1101 i have no idea how the hell i passed.

my problem has accumulated over the years i never learned grammar in my original language or in english

so i wrote with never paying attention to punctuaction which is my weakest aspect and my structure is terrible i just conect ideas with and,so,because and is very redundant and is a crap essay that's why i need terrible help
my guitar stuff:
ESP JH-600
ValveKing 112
DigiTech Whammy Pedal
Taylor 314CE
Dunlop SW-95 Slash Wah Pedal
Cordoba C7 Nylon String Acoustic Guitar
Metal muff
Fender American Deluxe Stratocaster Ash
#15
Quote by stefan1988
my problem is lack of time man i got 5 classes and this class is every friday so i see the guy every 300 years. the guy told us straightout front that he cant help us with the grammar and structure since i should have learned that in enc1101 i have no idea how the hell i passed.

my problem has accumulated over the years i never learned grammar in my original language or in english

so i wrote with never paying attention to punctuaction which is my weakest aspect and my structure is terrible i just conect ideas with and,so,because and is very redundant and is a crap essay that's why i need terrible help

That sucks man..Maybe ask a fellow student to help? I've been helped that way before.

Also, I forgot to mention, make sure you add more details about how the main character is dynamic. It has that she started out poor, but that's it.
#16
That sucks man..Maybe ask a fellow student to help? I've been helped that way before.

Also, I forgot to mention, make sure you add more details about how the main character is dynamic. It has that she started out poor, but that's it.


i dont have any friend in any of my college classes i doubt people want to help when they are as busy as me

im working on it
i post when i have more stuff on it

i appreciate your help guys
my guitar stuff:
ESP JH-600
ValveKing 112
DigiTech Whammy Pedal
Taylor 314CE
Dunlop SW-95 Slash Wah Pedal
Cordoba C7 Nylon String Acoustic Guitar
Metal muff
Fender American Deluxe Stratocaster Ash
#17
Quote by abstract pie


Edited some of it for you. Remember, comas are your friends. Without them essays can seem unorganized and incoherent.

And add more to your thesis. Its probably the most important part to an essay.
My Father is in a coma you insensitive prick
#18
Quote by RU Experienced?
My Father is in a coma you insensitive prick

What was that?

Oh, nevermind. I thought I heard a tryingtoohard.
#19
dammit i cant think is too late i might post tomorrow guys thanks for help anyways
my guitar stuff:
ESP JH-600
ValveKing 112
DigiTech Whammy Pedal
Taylor 314CE
Dunlop SW-95 Slash Wah Pedal
Cordoba C7 Nylon String Acoustic Guitar
Metal muff
Fender American Deluxe Stratocaster Ash
#20
Quote by Spamwise
What was that?

Oh, nevermind. I thought I heard a tryingtoohard.

Please, that was diarrhea of the mouth if anything.
#21
Quote by RU Experienced?
Please, that was diarrhea of the mouth if anything.

Wtf?
#23
Well, I'm only in Year 7, but:


The Necklace is a short, but very complex story. It has dynamic characters, symbolism, irony and interesting themes.

Mathilde Loisel, the protagonist of this story, is a dynamic character who changes throughout the story. At the beginning of the story we see a description of her character “she was one of those pretty charming women, born, as if by an error of destiny into a family of clerk s and copyist. She had no dowry, no prospects, no way of getting known, courted, loved, and married by a rich and distinguished man. She finally settled for a marriage with a minor clerk in the ministry of education.”


Although, if I were you, I'd cut down on the quote a bit. Perhaps, "At the beginning of the story, we get a description of a character: 'She was one of those pretty, charming women, born as if by an error of destiny into a family of clerks and copyists'. She has no dowry, prospects, no way of being loved. Eventually, she settles down with a minor clerk.

Hope it helps
Official Member of the 'Fly your australian flag high club' for the really patriotic Australians: P.M Dire straits to join
#24
'Never gonna give you up' is a very simple yet complex story it has dynamic characters, symbolism, irony and interesting themes.

Rick Astley, our protagonist is a dynamic character that changes through the story at the beginning of the story we see a description of his character “he is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you”.



Fixed. Hand that it.
#26
Quote by Deliriumbassist
Well he can't really put quotes in if he hasn't read the story.

Cut your essay into paragraphs based around points.

Make a statement, back it up with a quote, and analyse the quote to fully back up your statement.

This.

Also, the quotation you used in the first post was far too long. It needs to be the key words from that sentence or just a short phrase, otherwise it ruins the flow of your essay and you just look like you're trying to fill it out by adding whole paragraphs of quoted text.
Quote by buckethead_jr
^And known for that bloody awesome croissant with a crown.
Man that's badass.


MINE SIG R PINK
#27
Quote by -February-Star-
This.

Also, the quotation you used in the first post was far too long. It needs to be the key words from that sentence or just a short phrase, otherwise it ruins the flow of your essay and you just look like you're trying to fill it out by adding whole paragraphs of quoted text.


Quotes ideally should be presented separately from the paragraph and centralised like:

Hello this is my point. I'm going to follow with a quote:

"This is a quotation"

page and paragraph


And here is my analysis
#28
is a dynamic character who changes throughout the story.

That's redundant, fyi. I don't mean to sound anal or anything, I just thought you might want to know.
#29
Use this structure:

Introduction
- will contain background information on story/characters/author
- will state your hypothesis/contention (main/central idea of essay)
- provides three to five arguments to back up central idea (leave as much detail out of these as possible; each argument will be the first sentence of the next few paragraphs)

Body
- 3 to 5 paragraphs (one for each argument you are making)
- each paragraph will begin with one of the arguments you make in the introduction (this is your topic sentence)
- after the topic sentence you can explain the argument in full detail and explain why it supports the hypothesis/contention/central idea
- split each paragraph into smaller paragraphs if they become too long or big

Conclusion
- restate your arguments and explain that they support your hypothesis
- this is essentially the Introduction, with less detail and no background information
#30
when you say, "Madame Loisek... that......" you should use "who" instead of "that". there are ons of other errors but im not doing your homework for you.

is english your mother tongue? i just looked at your profile and you are 20? and attend college? how can your command of english be so bad?
Quote by mh.666
This man is right.


My life in all aspects is going fucking brilliantly, so I just thought I'd offer a cyncial scrap of wisdom, gloat a little, and then leave.
#31
Quote by Deliriumbassist
Quotes ideally should be presented separately from the paragraph and centralised like:

Hello this is my point. I'm going to follow with a quote:

"This is a quotation"

page and paragraph


And here is my analysis

Odd, I've always been taught to integrate them into the sentence. I guess it depends what you're writing and what your point is.
Quote by buckethead_jr
^And known for that bloody awesome croissant with a crown.
Man that's badass.


MINE SIG R PINK
#32
Quote by LedZeppelin9345
when you say, "Madame Loisek... that......" you should use "who" instead of "that". there are ons of other errors but im not doing your homework for you.

is english your mother tongue? i just looked at your profile and you are 20? and attend college? how can your command of english be so bad?

He said it wasn't his native language. Your grammar doesn't seem to be too great, either.
#34
Quote by Spamwise
He said it wasn't his native language. Your grammar doesn't seem to be too great, either.



this is the internet. i cant be bothered to use apostrophes or use capitals on the net. and typos do happen. and for the record, you are not supposed to abbreviate "do not" to "doesn't" (and other similar abbreviations) in written english, following the rules of grammar strictly.

i must have missed that english is not his native language. that is why i was so shocked.

EDIT: in his first post he did not say that his mother tongue is not english. i only read his first post, and assumed he was a native speaker when i looked at his profile.
Quote by mh.666
This man is right.


My life in all aspects is going fucking brilliantly, so I just thought I'd offer a cyncial scrap of wisdom, gloat a little, and then leave.
Last edited by LedZeppelin9345 at Sep 12, 2008,
#35
This first thing you need to do is stop worrying about it sounding fancy. Make an outline, it doesn't even have to be a good outline, just kind of show yourself how you want this essay organized. Then write a rough draft using words that you would use when actually talking to your teachers. Find a good friend that just happens to be good with grammar to read over your paper. Then rewrite it. Find that friend again. The last thing you should do is drag out a thesaurus.
Put on some pants, its time to dance! -The Happy Phrase

Quote by Alice Cooper
The hippies wanted peace and love. We wanted Ferraris, blondes and switchblades.

Quote by RhyseOrtiz
Banned because... Disaster, you good sir, are a f*cking genius!
#36
Quote by -February-Star-
Odd, I've always been taught to integrate them into the sentence. I guess it depends what you're writing and what your point is.

Yeah, you're definitely right here. I've had at least 3 English teachers tell us and even deduct points from papers for just stating a quote alone.
#37
Quote by Spamwise
Here's what i would change.

The Necklace is a very interesting story. It contains a variation of dynamic characters, symbolism, irony, and interesting themes. A great example of this is Mathilde Loisel, the protagonist of our story who is the definition of a dynamic character. Loisel goes through several changes throughout the story. In the beginning of The Necklace, Loisel is portrayed as a charming woman who is born into a poor family.

The rest is unnecessary, imo.


a couple of improvements...
...
#38
Quote by Spamwise
Here's what i would change.

The Necklace is a very interesting story. It contains dynamic characters, symbolism, irony, and interesting themes. A great example of this is Mathilde Loisel, the protagonist of our story, is the definition of a dynamic character. Loisel goes through several changes throughout the story. In the beginning of The Necklace, Loisel is portrayed as a charming woman who is born into a poor family.

The rest is unnecessary, imo.

I personally would try to find a good substitute for the term very interesting. Describe why the story is interesting.

I have a few other changes, but I personally would suggest asking your teacher for help polishing your paper.
Put on some pants, its time to dance! -The Happy Phrase

Quote by Alice Cooper
The hippies wanted peace and love. We wanted Ferraris, blondes and switchblades.

Quote by RhyseOrtiz
Banned because... Disaster, you good sir, are a f*cking genius!
#39



this is the internet. i cant be bothered to use apostrophes or use capitals on the net. and typos do happen. and for the record, you are not supposed to abbreviate "do not" to "doesn't" (and other similar abbreviations) in written english, following the rules of grammar strictly.


I normally wouldn't care. You insulted his grammar though, so I made an excpetion. Also, I was not abbreviating "do not" to "doesn't". That would not make sense. You are right that in formal letters and such you should not use contractions, however this is not formal.


I personally would try to find a good substitute for the term very interesting. Describe why the story is interesting.

I agree with you, but I've never read the book. I was only going on what he had in his paragraph. He also said that his teacher will not help students with this.
#40
Screw it, here's a rewrite of my own, I'm bored:

the Necklace is a very simple yet complex story it has dynamic characters, symbolism, irony and interesting themes?

Mathilde Loisel our protagonist is a dynamic character that changes through the story at the beginning of the story we see a description of her character “she was one of those pretty charming women, born, as if by an error of destiny into a family of clerk s and copyist. She had no dowry, no prospects, no way of getting known, courted, loved, and married by a rich and distinguished man. She finally settled for a marriage with a minor clerk in the ministry of education.”


The Necklace is a very engaging and thought-provoking read because it has several assets that hold the reader's attention. These include the use of dynamic characters such as Mathilde Loisel, irony and symbolism. <Author's name here> also makes use of several interesting themes in differetn parts of the book.

Mathilde Loisel is an integral character that changes throughout the story. The beginning of the story gives us an introduction to her character:

"...She was one of those pretty charming women, born, as if by an error of destiny into a family of clerks and copyists. She had no dowry, no prospects, no way of getting known, courted, loved and married by a rich and distinguished man..."

Here we see that Loisel is a vunerable character in the society in which she lives, although this changes when <insert how her character changes. I assume it does because that's what you said earlier >
...
Last edited by bartdevil_metal at Sep 12, 2008,
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