Well, its pretty riff based Melodic Death Metal... not your average melodeath riffing either I guess, as far as pedal tone abuse lol

Meh who knows it might lean more towards death metal, but its still pretty melodic...

oh and the drumming rapes yo, I'm damn proud of it lol

Anyway, here it goes


I was thinking of submitting the "shortened version" which would be with out the acoustic and riffing at the end, but I decided what the hell
the song is pretty much finished save for that one FINAL part, so as I mentioned, the shortened version would end right before the acoustics...

you'll see when you listen to it

In depth critique appreciated, I will criticize back

[edit] rough draft of the lyrics included criticize those too and I will criticize any lyrics you might have

[edit 2] 18 views not one critique or comment? gawddamnit lol
my eyes once moved mountains.zip
Last edited by NosferatuZodd09 at Sep 12, 2008,
Intro - Frist 4 bars are quite good, i like the progression. Bars 5-17 were great, really great. I think it would be better if you had've repeated the section with distorted guitars + the rest of the band before kicking into riff one. Good job on the intro.

Riff 1 - If find bars 18-19 very awkward. The rhythm mainly, but the melody also has something to do with it. The rest of the riff is good.

Riff 2 - Good riif but the rhythm in the last bar is awkward.

Riff 3 - Great. Nice work on the drums in there too.

Interlude (both) - Nice change. 3rd guitar adds contrast.

Climax - Could have been more climactic

Riff 6 - I like the guitar but i dont like the drums.

Riff 7 - Not much to say here.

6b - A lot better than 6. (its because of the drums)

107-110 - AWESOME DUDE! Should have gone for longer i think.

Outro - Very well done. I like the way it progresses. It might be better with some backing, but it works well the way it is.

Overall i really liked it. It was just the rythm in the first couple of riffs (as mentioned) and the drums in riff 6 that i didn't like. Well done.

Crit Mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=951539
Last edited by HeavyMetaldude at Sep 13, 2008,
There wasn't a whole lot that I like because your drums aren't very developed and in this sort of genre you really need drums to take off and be their own special part of the track. There were a few riffs that I appreciated guitar-wise but the drums hold this piece back a lot. Some of the earlier riffs sounded like noise to me more than note progressions but maybe thats what you were aiming for?


Riff 3 (I like off time music), Riff 4, Interlude Crescendo (4B), and Riff 7 wasn't bad.

5/10 for me bud, sorry.

I don't know if you'll like my offering but I hope that you'll take a look into it because I took some time to look into yours.


Thanks bud.
Well I gave it another listen and most of my previous comments still stand. When I say I like those riffs, I mean I really like them and I wish they were fleshed out a bit more because I enjoyed the feel they had. Riff 4 made me want to rock man, and that's always good.

As for your drum situation, something I always keep in mind is a drummer has 2 hands and 2 feet so if you have more than 4 things going on 1 beat, it's impossible, but 4 is nearly impossible.I try and keep 3 things happening at the most when I write drums, but remember that most drummers layer multiple drum tracks in the studio to get that impossible crash cymbal over a tom roll.

I love writing drums and I think you should just experiment like I do to see what sounds cool. There is nothing wrong with machine gun bass pedals if you can have something intricate later on, or added in between blasts.

I'll mention now that I can't play drums past a simple hi-hat/snare/occasional bass drum beat, but as you saw in my tab, my drums sound pretty tight right? That's just years of experimenting and basic knowledge of how drum beats work.

I appreciate that this is a genre of music that I'm not particularly knowledgeable about or experienced with, but I still think the 2nd or 3rd riff is mostly a collection of noise BECAUSE it's played too quickly. I can't hear the progression of notes over the drums very well.

Sorry about the /10 score system I used!