as promised i have posted my fiction in blog form, in my profile...


if you would like a crit/crit exchange, just post yours in a kudos/comment to mine..

Ok cool, because the whole point of blogs is that you announce it in the pit when you make one. That desperate?
only found a couple of things on Afternoon Tea that could be tweaked a bit. Is that the entire story, or are you going to add to it? I'd like to see more, i was really getting into it.
Anyway, here:

I told them I didn’t, and that it was hardly any business of theirs. At that moment they’d given each other a significant look, and started filling me in on the history of 22 Acacia Grove; It was haunted, there’d been murders, it was unsafe, inhabitable.
make that 'uninhabitable'

‘Do come in, won’t you? I’m having afternoon tea at the moment, and I’d be delighted if you’d join me.’ I said. *

-don't italicize 'delighted', it's not emphasized enough in this instance to merit it. The reader can process the inflection he's using on their own, and adding emphasis in the print itself is more of an extreme effect you use when you REALLY want to make something stand out.

I had to get out.
I backed away slowly into the hallway, silently shutting the office door behind me. I retrieved a bottle of Smirnoff from the cupboard and a shot glass from the settee, poured a glass and drank until my anxiety stated to chip away a bit. After three shots I felt I could go back in there and deal with him as though nothing had happened.

- Don't say "I had to get out" and then follow it with him simply drinking to ease his nerves. If he's not looking for an escape plan (meaning a way out of the house), just remove the 'i had to get out' part.

Fetching the scones from my 19th century Victorian oven,

-at this point in the story, the anxiety and suspense is too high for the reader to pay attention to details such as this. Either talk about the oven in a more calm section of the story, or leave the 19th century Victorian information out, leaving it as simply an oven.
yeah thanks, for the tips, that was t reason i posted this thread..

i am writing more to the story, but only when i get brainwaves every so often.
Good story, like the Lindberghs. Great reference. Looking forward to seeing more.

Check out mine, it's titled "Bastard..."

I wrote for some health group who don't want kids to become fat slobs.
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Last edited by zappp : Today at 4:20 PM. Reason: Suck on my balls, UG