#1
I remember
the day our eyes met
and our body's
all covered in sweat

All the days
we spent in the rays
and all the nights
you had me in a daze

As we stared into the sky
with no reason why
When all i see are those pretty eyes of blue
waiting for you to give me a clue

As we laid together
you said it would be forever;
until that day
when you went away

Why cant things be
the way they used to
when all i could say
is i love you

I remember the day
when our eyes first met
and our body's
all covered in sweat

We've moved on now
see what happens
when things go wrong
I'm now singing this song

I miss your sweet kiss
and the look in your eyes
even at your mothers despise
this is what i miss.
Last edited by jaysons132 at Sep 13, 2008,
#4
This is a solid love/remorse song/poem.
Doesn't really break any barriers, but whatev.
Good work, change despise to spite, though.
#5
It's simple but it does work - keep at it.

Darksucker has me worried about the last two lines though...

I miss your sweet kiss
and the look in your eyes
even at your mothers despise
this is what i miss.

Changing despise to spite still makes me stutter a bit.

And your mothers french fries?
And your mothers fruit pies?
#6
does anyone no what i should put instead of despise than. b/c you guys are telling me to change it but nothing seems to fit, I'm trying to get the point across that we were doing it even at the disapproval of her mother.
#7
does anyone no what i should put instead of despise than. b/c you guys are telling me to change it but nothing seems to fit, I'm trying to get the point across that we were doing it even at the disapproval of her mother.