#1
a slow little acoustic piece. crit for crit.

And why do the little things pass us by
Before we can know that it's time
for us to fall

And all of these signs along the way
Slowly destroying all we have made
they end it all

All of our smiles and joys
We've given up
They've been stripped away
Broken down from our love (we've given up)

And now would be the time for you
To make your move, do all that you can do
before you fall

And all of those speed bumps you felt
Were caused by our hands we held,
and we held it all

All of our smiles and joys
We've given up
They've been stripped away
Broken down from our love (we've given up)

Oh, we've given up
#4
Yeah, I can def. see it as acoustic.i even made up a little tune for it, lol...
One thing that would make it loads better is to add another bridge or something. Mix it up, it's a bit short. Pretty good, better than what's on the radio, anyhow.
#6
Quote by Cyclones41
a slow little acoustic piece. crit for crit.

And why do the little things pass us by Not a big fan of starting a song with 'and' especially when its a long line and a question. Recommend you drop the 'and' or change it to something like, "And the little things pass us by"
Before we can know that it's time
for us to fall I think you can do better than this last line. Give us something more interesting

And all of these signs along the way
Slowly destroying all we have made
they end it all Better verse, but 'they end it all' doesn't make complete sense and I maintain you can do better

All of our smiles and joys
We've given up
They've been stripped away
Broken down from our love this last line is a bit strange, again I'm not sure this is the best way to phrase it. Maybe something like 'Taken down from broken love' or something. (we've given up)

And now would be the time for you
To make your move, do all that you can do
before you fall This is just too abrupt and not meaningful enough. Like the first two lines though

And all of those speed bumps you felt
Were caused by our hands we held, I like the attempt at imagery, but I don't understand the meaning
and we held it all

All of our smiles and joys
We've given up
They've been stripped away
Broken down from our love (we've given up)

Oh, we've given up


This has the makings of a good song. I like the mood of it, the tone. But I think the lyrics need a little more flow and a little more pop. Hope that helps.

c4c appreciated, link to my newest 'Of Felons and Fathers' in my sig!
#7
Quote by Cyclones41
a slow little acoustic piece. crit for crit.

And why do the little things pass us by
Before we can know that it's time
for us to fallDon't like the way the very first verse of the song begins with the word 'And'. It makes the lyrics seem casual, ordinary and weak when they're really not at all.

And all of these signs along the way
Slowly destroying all we have madeWho does - the signs? I love this line, much more than the first one, but I'd like more clarity. As is, it doesn't make sense, which is a crying shame.
they end it allThe same as with the above line

All of our smiles and joys
We've given up
They've been stripped away
Broken down from our love (we've given up)This last line bugs me - Broken down from? It seems weak and unclear.

And now would be the time for you
To make your move, do all that you can do
before you fallThe 'falling' thing is a bit cliche. It's alright once, but you're crossing the line.

And all of those speed bumps you felt
Were caused by our hands we held,
and we held it all'Our hands we held' seems forced - the same with 'held it all'. If he/she felt speed-bumps, wouldn't it at least be from 'my hand you held'? As for the last line, once more, I can feel that you mean something, but I can't understand what - I'd like more clarity.

All of our smiles and joys
We've given up
They've been stripped away
Broken down from our love (we've given up)

Oh, we've given up


All in all, more clarity will help the flow of the lyrics. Hope this helped in any way.

Calculated Innocence in my sig would like a helping hand .