#1
C4C

I believe this is the best I've ever written. It's about a girl.

Pensive (Acquiesce)
The end of not knowing,
Of timorous minds.
The kindest of exquisites,
No wonder the allure.

All so soon,
Ambition fell short.
The greatest of impediments,
No wonder the 'unsure'.

My pensive eyes can only describe
How thoughtful you thought you were.
And if you see it all start to fall
No enigma to whom you'll refer.

Slowly, in haste
Became the norm.
The dearest of obsessions
Heavy hearted volition.

Your obscure lust
Sent great dismay.
The safest of miseries
Heavy hearted submission.

My pensive eyes can only describe
How thoughtful I thought you were.
And if you see it all start to fall
No enigma to whom you'll refer.

As I went along in acquiesce
Penance grew past maturity.
No longer congesting your life
I became your only obscurity.
#2
Quote by JGsox33
C4C

I believe this is the best I've ever written. It's about a girl.

Pensive (Acquiesce)
The end of not knowing,
Of timorous minds.
The kindest of exquisites,
No wonder the allure.

All so soon,
Ambition fell short.
The greatest of impediments,
No wonder the 'unsure'.

My pensive eyes can only describe
How thoughtful you thought you were.
And if you see it all start to fall
No enigma to whom you'll refer.

Slowly, in haste
Became the norm.
The dearest of obsessions
Heavy hearted volition.

Your obscure lust
Sent great dismay.
The safest of miseries
Heavy hearted submission.

My pensive eyes can only describe
How thoughtful I thought you were.
And if you see it all start to fall
No enigma to whom you'll refer.

As I went along in acquiesce
Penance grew past maturity.
No longer congesting your life
I became your only obscurity.


It's hard to critique each part of the song for me, so I'll just open it by saying that you had a great use of vocabulary. I particularly like the line "I became your only obscurity", easily my favorite of the song. I also really enjoy how you made a simple change in what could be perceived as the chorus from "you" to "I". It's a simple change, but it's VERY effective and shows how something doesn't have to be intricate to have a good effect. Overall I can't find many flaws in this, so all I have to say is great job!