#1
couldn't hardly remember my own name after those drugs
got talked into buying supposed white powder THC on the street
so comfortable when it finally kicked in
snuggled in my cheap blankets and couch pillow and foam mattress
access to the internet and my camera's still working somehow
the winds from the alps blowing through my temporary window
so high up, and next the the Goethe Institut
so high up, and next to the Olympia park
so high up, and next to a german girl
who I had met when I'd moved in
and met again on this whim of my fate
at a local Metzgeri on the other side of the park
the chances of this were so ungodly slim though!
and we barely recognized each other at the last second..
we'd met only once before
and lived directly next door to one another
and so we walked through Olympia park in Munich together
walking back home in such pleasant conversation
she was trying to get some german out of me
but I wasn't having it
I think she ended up breaking up with her boyfriend
who I had met initially
as she was on the phone till late one night
and said something about it when I saw her the next day
in the common kitchen
where I would sometimes steal other resident's food
I was only there for two weeks, after all..
we sat and talked and smoked in that kitchen that day
and I think that was the last time I ever saw her
I forgot her name and I was too embarrassed to ask again

but what I really remember about that time next to the Goethe Institut
is scouring Munich
absolutely scouring
Munich
for drugs
and putting strange coins
into cigarette machines.
Last edited by parkt921k at Sep 15, 2008,
#2
This is hilarious! I don't know why I found this so funny, being honest. Maybe it was the whole vague and confused way I read the story, maybe it was just the story itself. Anyway, truly awesome.
Your line breaks and odd layout was top-notch, very quirky and different. Easily the most entertainment I've had on here, it was so much fun to read. I'm definitely going to return!

Btw, I apologize if you were looking for someone to tear this piece up, I didn't feel it necessary. Maybe someone else will.

Digitally Clean
#3
yeah it was just kind of a story, no real mysteries here - im trying to figure out what styles i can write in and be satisfied with what it ends up being , and as it stands one thing i have learned about myself and my writing is to not write in a flowery poetry style that, even though that doesn't describe z.B. dylan thomas, dt is one of my favorite poets, but i just can't write like that. or near the style of that, like, classic 'poetry' sort of ideal. the best i'd ever done was in that snows of eden poem and it just wasn't that good, kind of like my lines didn't have a coherent narrative under the surface all the way throughout. and what im saying is maybe this style of writing should be a direction for me to damn go in. along with what i might maybe call this 'stereopathetic soul manure' madcap sort of direction which i'm liking and have been developing for awhile nar.. so ftbomh thank you goldfish of anger . i know what you're saying about the comic aspect, i'm glad i got that acrosst, and it was like i liked it personally, but was far from sure how it'd come across on ug. whether positive or negative feedback, im going to try to spend more time critiquing others work on here, try to get into it like should . next one's in the madcap style. i'll get to one of yours soon
#4
I didn't find this funny at all. It was a lovely story told in a very straight forward manner that I enjoyed. You manage to portray very foreign and yet very familiar scenes and emotions and I generally enjoyed this, so there's not much I can add.

However, as criticism, I find your light hand on punctuation and grammar/spelling a bit disturbing. I think this piece deserves the polishing it needs and I think you were rather lazy in letting it be posted like this. It's sloppy and it deducted from the overall good impression I had of your writing.

Fix it and you'll only hear praise.
This is not a pipe
#5
Quote by parkt921k
yeah it was just kind of a story, no real mysteries here - im trying to figure out what styles i can write in and be satisfied with what it ends up being , and as it stands one thing i have learned about myself and my writing is to not write in a flowery poetry style that, even though that doesn't describe z.B. dylan thomas, dt is one of my favorite poets, but i just can't write like that. or near the style of that, like, classic 'poetry' sort of ideal. the best i'd ever done was in that snows of eden poem and it just wasn't that good, kind of like my lines didn't have a coherent narrative under the surface all the way throughout. and what im saying is maybe this style of writing should be a direction for me to damn go in. along with what i might maybe call this 'stereopathetic soul manure' madcap sort of direction which i'm liking and have been developing for awhile nar.. so ftbomh thank you goldfish of anger . i know what you're saying about the comic aspect, i'm glad i got that acrosst, and it was like i liked it personally, but was far from sure how it'd come across on ug. whether positive or negative feedback, im going to try to spend more time critiquing others work on here, try to get into it like should . next one's in the madcap style. i'll get to one of yours soon


I know how you feel, not entirely because I'm obviously not you and we have different circumstances, but I do understand that its difficult to find a comfortable method of writing. I know what my zone of leisure is, so to speak, but I find a lot of people don't like it, which then causes me to experiment too much, instead of just getting on a becoming more adept at a certain style, and then moving onto more experimentative methods.
Work with what you excell that, then when time has passed and it feels right, alter it slightly and you find a alternative sort of progress that you never perceived yourself as having; more varied and original.
I believe the style you have here is something that I particularly love to read: its quirky, descriptive, emotional, gripping, rough around the edges, and is blunt. Its not flowery or elegant, which can be irksome sometimes. I envy people who can make their pen more rugged and angry; more cynical and brutal on the sense.

Thank you for getting to mine btw.