#1
a sicilian scarlet moon of lazy texture,
amongst a greyish evening sky of water mixed in rain
so dull it slightly startles at my breathing
(my lover flaunts enough
to keep me breathing all the same)

though alone i take a look upon the nightsky:
so different is appearance with no influence on stance,
the stars as jets of sun now mimic laughter
the planets as of mountains
now shake upon my dance.
#2
you sometimes remind me of a more "philosophical" Bukowski; soaring in the descriptive outcome of your lines, breaks, and the endings that you don't want to see.(meaning i'd just like to continue reading, not in a bad way)

i do though, think you're straying from keeping the reader involved; meaning, it more-or-less sounds like you're writing for yourself more than anything else - which is not a bad thing, but it kind of leaves me confused as to whether you actually want someone to try and decipher your work, or you as a writer.
this doesn't change the fact that i don't miss a piece whenever you post; you're a damned good writer Alex. i'll marvel all day long at your astounding descriptive imagery; your near-perfect execution of magnificent grammar, and your delightedly romantic style and structuring - but i can't help but to feel a little disconnected lately man.
if i'm not making sense, feel free to PM me; but i hope i have made some sort of clarity apparent here.

There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#3
Quote by skagitup
a sicilian scarlet moon of lazy texture,
amongst a greyish evening sky of water mixed in rain
so dull it slightly startles at my breathing
(my lover flaunts enough
to keep me breathing all the same)

though alone i take a look upon the nightsky:
so different is appearance with no influence on stance,
the stars as jets of sun now mimic laughter
the planets as of mountains
now shake upon my dance.


That's supposed to be a song or something? Seriously can you explain what it is for the uncultured.

Thanks
#4
dr. otto octavius: no you make perfect sense as ever. thankyou dearly for your input.

i don't really think this is too cryptic though. SPOILER: it's about the profound impact of culture on people. stanza 1: looking at the sky with people, stanza 2: looking at the sky alone. i was hoping people would take it as an encouragement of personal exploration.

i'll get to your latest immediately.
#5
ahh, i've been stabbed in the heart by the itmakesperfectfuckingsense knife now.
thank you my friend.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#6
I like the second stanza, though such a circumstance could never exist.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#7
This certainly encouraged physical and spiritual exploration! The over-the-top sort of writing employed here adds to what you are trying to say. Being honest, I would not of gathered the implication of this without your explaination, but I did gather my own personal essence, like I mentioned in the beginning. Because of that, I thought this was better than the last piece you posted. Maybe this is only the case because of your story? Maybe its not?

A side note, I didn't like the repetition of "breathing", I can see why you have it in there, but I feel it took too much of my hopefullness for a thoroughly pristine piece away.
At first I didn't like the addition of brackets in such a short piece, but its growing on me.

This was quite enjoyable to read and re-read. You could try and make your stuff a little bit more discernible? I hope thats not offensive.

Digitally Clean
#8
Shit man, I almost hated this just because you described my exact feelings better than ever I could. Brilliant. You really embodied the idea in your imagery. This is absolutely, without a doubt, one of my favorites from you.
On the eight day we spoke back...

let there be sound.
#9
I liked this well enough. But it didn't really hit me. It was flowery and elegant, which is all well and good. But the sentiment, it didn't have that 'Alex' flourish to it. It felt a little lacking, due to the fact that this read like a poem. A normal Alex piece has these dramatic ups and downs and philosophical ramblings about life and the world and its all from a perspective that if anyone else tried to pull it off, they would fail miserably and probably accidentally remove an appendage. This was like writing about roses... its something that anyone could pull off (maybe not as gracefully as you have... but they could), and that lack of content-flare made this an ok read... but nothing that will strike me for weeks and months to come like some of your others have.

I'm probably just rambling pointlessly... but I just thought you should know. I did enjoy it... but it just didn't have the sort of pop that I like to see from you. It felt safe, like you didn't really dig into as much as you could have. I don't know... writing in a different style is always good... just sometimes the style a writer has is what makes them brilliant.
#10
looks great as a poem (remember dylan was a poet) but I think it would be more dramatic with more music and for some people who might not necessarily understand that it might be more understandable.

Good work though
#11
It feels to me like there's more to it. I feel as if you held back in order for this to make more sense to anyone who reads it, but I can still tell you're restrained somewhat. Whether it's because you wanted to keep phrasing tight and highlight the alliteration and rhyming... I guess it's a fine cause that I can't fault and perhaps the stuff you didn't say is better left in its anonymity. It did make me read more into this.

I guess a part of this unease I have with this piece is the fact that it puts the two contrasts, the view of the many versus the view of the one. Perhaps I just don't see this issue as clear cut as you put it. It was nevertheless interesting to read and well written as well, so no qualms from me in that aspect.

I'm just not a very black and white person. For me it's all about the gray.

I did like the piece though, it's a nice side of you.
This is not a pipe