#1
Okay I wrote this about a year ago after a pretty nasty incident in school. I just wanted to share it with someone. I also wrote a guitar riff for it that's basically just a few powerchords played over and over.

Angry little boy, yes I am,
Chairs I throw, doors I slam,
All I ever think about is me,
I'm seventeen but I act like three

Angry little boy, yes I am,
I'm a little b*tch who thinks he's a man
I'm a spaz and I'm a tard,
Everything for me is too f*cking hard

(chorus)
Angry little boy, angry little boy,
You know what I say, you know what I say
Angry little boy, angry little boy
You know what I say, you know what I say,
If you're black, brown, yellow or gay,
If you're black, brown, yellow or gay,
Come to me so I can kill you today,
Come to me so I can kill you today,

Angry little boy, suck my balls,
Smash some n*ggers in the halls,
Angry little boy that's who I am,
Toughest c**t in all the land,

Angry little boy, who are you?
Aren't you one of these f*ckers too?
Aren't we all just man as one?
United as humans under the sun?

F*ck no! You say, no f*cking way,
We're not the same yesterday or today,
I'm not like you, you're not like me,
And that's the way it's gonna be,

(chorus)
Angry little boy, angry little boy,
You know what I say, you know what I say
Angry little boy, angry little boy
You know what I say, you know what I say,
If you're black, brown, yellow or gay,
If you're black, brown, yellow or gay,
Come to me so I can kill you today,
Come to me so I can kill you today,

(guitar solo here, then the first two lines of next verse are just bass before feedback, then guitar kicks back in)

Angry little boy, yes I am,
Chairs I throw, doors I slam,
Cause I'm a little b*tch who thinks he's a man.
I'm a spaz and I'm a tard,
Everything for me is too f*cking hard,
Cause all I ever think about is me,
I'm 17 on the birth doc but I may as well be three

(chorus)
Angry little boy, angry little boy,
You know what I say, you know what I say
Angry little boy, angry little boy
You know what I say, you know what I say,
If you're black, brown, yellow or gay,
If you're black, brown, yellow or gay,
Come to me so I can kill you today,
Come to me so I can kill you today.

(close with final solo)

The main reason why I'm posting this here.It was one of the first songs I wrote, but looking at some of my more recent stuff I cringe when I look at these older, angst songs. My question is, does UG think that this song has any potential at all or should I just chuck it away and focus on my new stuff?
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#2
i liked this song cuz im an angry little boy, so i can kind of relate to it... i do think it is quite repetitive with the double lines, but i dont think you should throw it away, any material can always be adjusted.

good job
you gonna get raped!!!!!!!


#3
Angry little boy..... Sounds like it should be titled "Racist little boy" with the potential of being a cutter. +1 on the repetitiveness and double lines.

I give you kudos on the use of the imagination, but it sound like an anthem for a skinhead.

I didn't like it, but mine is only one opinion, so don't let that stop you from being creative.

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#4
I'm not even white (part Indian, part Pacific Islander). I wrote it from a detached POV.
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#5
Quote by shadow__666
I'm not even white (part Indian, part Pacific Islander). I wrote it from a detached POV.


Yeah, I understand what you're doing.

You're trying to tell a story from this angry, troubled kid's POV.

I think it works, and coupled with some aggressive guitar,
this could actually help a listener understand what the kid is feeling
Blindfolds aside I'd probably still close my eyes

And try to feel a trembling fetal life inside
that shotgun barrel that's about to make me bleed

Like an ulcer in the stomach of the beast


Quote by Aurex
your sarcasam amuses me


CSUSM
#6
Damn, very aggressive.
Personally I'm not so sure about the double lines in the chorus. It seems a bit repetitive and almost like you ran out of ideas.
I think you should keep working on it and try and come up with a better chorus.
However, that is just my personal opinion
Also, when I read the second verse, I can't help but feel that it seems a bit too short. The way I read it, it feels like there should be either another line between the last two lines, or another line after those last two.

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