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#1
He says the funniest things though, but he says them so seriously that I think he really doesn't know how funny he is. Today there were like 10 students missing from class

Me- I think were missing a few people today huh?

Teacher- Yeah... It's just like war.

Me-

Teacher: *starts writing on board*

Stories of funny teachers, post em!
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#2
My teacher told us a joke:

Some people with alzheimers came up with a new piece of software, apparently it was good, but they forgot the password.

Someone in the class started to cry
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#3
A teacher i had once dropped a bible on my head because i was sleeping. Its not like we were learning...he was telling us a story about Africa, an interesting one. I deserved it...****ing bibles
DOWN WITH THIS SORT OF THING
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#4
Quote by Gwynnell
My teacher told us a joke:

Some people with alzheimers came up with a new piece of software, apparently it was good, but they forgot the password.

Someone in the class started to cry


I can just picture a class like that.
#5
my philosophy professor told us she/he (we can figure out if its a man or woman) watches monkey sex videos. seriously...like those hairy little things that swing from trees, not some fruity role play. what a creeper haha
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#6
personally, i didnt find that funny at all. it was really bland. anyone else?
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#7
I had a teacher, who thought he was funny, but all of hes jokes ware ****in cheesy. He was joking around way too much, and he had to keep repeating the joke all over again. Unfortunately 80% people in class, which ware all Asians, found the jokes funny.
#8
This old dear of a teacher back in high school used to always fall asleep in lessons. Once the sixth formers poured methylated spirits over her desk and set it alight and she woke up screaming 'HELLS BLAZES!'
The video was awesome
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#9
I had a sociology teacher last year who was from California and was hot as all ****ing hell.

She was also a rage against the machine fan, and of course, that only made her 30 times hotter.

So we were talking about economic disequality and what not and somehow she asks the following question:

"What happens when you turn the power to the have-nots?"

I was kind of surprised to find that I was the only person in class to raise my hand. She called on me and I said:

"And then come the shots?"

We both laughed a lot, but noone else in the class got it . . .
#10
My physics teacher last year was amazing.

He'd come up with loads of random crap whilst speaking and it was so funny.
Like he was talking about waves and went on to talk about the "Electromagnetic Rectum"

Or he was talking about rubber balls and in the middle of talking he just smashes it down on the table in front of me. XD

Also he always insults his mother in law

"Oh yeah comets... Perfect place for your mother-in-law"
"Aaah yeah that goat. Just like the mother-in-law"

Physics that year was awesome.
May the Force be with You.
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#12
one of our old teacher would be like this:

"you have 30 seconds to start working on task B!!!"

*students start working*

3 minutes later he starts telling a story of something that happened in 1974... this story goes on until the class-time is finished..... he did this almost all the time...


we didn't work much when we had that teacher... haha!
#13
Now is a good time to tell this story...

Okay picture this... In Sociology class, we are studying the education system. The teacher, at the time mentions Pink Floyd's THE WALL because of it's lyrics and asks if anyone has heard it. Only I was familiar with it and one or two other people (the class was 95% female...) and this "alternative" girl then claimed to have it on an MP3 player.

The teacher asks her to hook it up to the PC, so she does - takes about 10 minutes, class gets bored... Song comes on.. It's only the ****ing KORN version

My teacher and most of the class sat there with the most hilarious expressions imaginable - I on the other hand, laughed my arse off to myself.

The girl quit the class shortly after. I don't think it helped...
#14
I don't remember any jokes...But I had a cool science teacher with an epic beard and long hair and he was singing a song one day in a foreign language and I asked him what it was and he answered "Oh, I was just singing 'I am a little Nazi' in Russian" and walked off singing again.

Quote by Jackolas
Now is a good time to tell this story...

Okay picture this... In Sociology class, we are studying the education system. The teacher, at the time mentions Pink Floyd's THE WALL...


My above mentioned science teacher had a big Pink Floyd poster behind his desk.
None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free.
#15
Quote by nebiru
My above mentioned science teacher had a big Pink Floyd poster behind his desk.


Noice! I don't know if my story was funny in text form but my God it was worse than TV in person.
#16
My old science teacher was amazing, she always slipped up and said funny things about genitals, and we got side tracked every lesson.

And my current psychology teacher is really funny. He picks on one person for about a month, choosing them for everything, making jokes about them or whatever.

EDIT: And my Physics teacher is awesome, he's just crazy.
Last edited by TEK34 at Sep 16, 2008,
#17
he... our english teacher always makes these REALLY dry jokes all the time...

no one laughs... but he's kinda cool though.

and our math teacher is kinda scary sometimes... he usually is a calm guy with a strange dialect, but sometimes he just unleashes his inner monster... hehe!
#19
Ooh our maths teacher let us eat cake, do the conga, and mexican wave, and pelvic thrust to the Timewarp. Greatest. maths lesson. ever!
May the Force be with You.
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#20
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#21
Quote by Oblivion_Rps
Ooh our maths ...maths lesson

MATHS!!


my math teacher always picks on this one kid and charges him money for being late , standing up, talking

hes made like 10 bucks off him this year
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#22
Too many to think of right now, but I remember one time we laughed our asses off at our English teacher (who never made slip-ups). She was writing 'countryside' on the board and was talking at the same time (can't remember what it was about) - and proceeded to stutter...


"****-****-****-countryside!"
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#23
oh! and one time we were learning about electricity and the teacher said:

"you must never do this!" *pulls out the socket by the cord*

then the lights went out... he blacked out the entire school... hah
#24
Quote by in2thesun88
My chem teacher in high school had a LOUD voice, I can't emphasize how loud his voice truly is even when he was just talking. The red arrow points to where his class room is. The blue dot was where I was, down the hall and around the corner. This is where I hear him say, from his classroom mind you, "TOAST IS A CHEMICAL REACTION." it was perhaps one of the most random phrases you will ever hear s you walk down the hall.


toast is a chemical reaction?

WTF? haha!
#25
my science teach used south park and the mr men as examples for selective breeding
#26
Quote by slayaplaya
toast is a chemical reaction?

WTF? haha!

I think this takes away from how funny it is, but I had heard that speech earlier in the day b/c I had him first period, apparently when bread turns into toast the chemical makeup changes.
#27
Quote by in2thesun88
My chem teacher in high school had a LOUD voice, I can't emphasize how loud his voice truly is even when he was just talking. The red arrow points to where his class room is. The blue dot was where I was, down the hall and around the corner. This is where I hear him say, from his classroom mind you, "TOAST IS A CHEMICAL REACTION." it was perhaps one of the most random phrases you will ever hear as you walk down the hall.

Is your school in the desert or something?

It's like all dust all around it.
#28
Quote by in2thesun88
I think this takes away from how funny it is, but I had heard that speech earlier in the day b/c I had him first period, apparently when bread turns into toast the chemical makeup changes.


yep, and its because making toast is not reversable, so its a chemical reaction
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#29
Quote by TEK34
Is your school in the desert or something?

It's like all dust all around it.

It was in the process of being built when google earth took the pic. the school was only 6 years old when I graduated, all that dirt is either grass or parking lot now.
#30
Someone asked our English teacher if we were all gonna die last week (regarding the LHC), and his reply was 'I won't die. I'm immortal.'
#31
My standard grade Physics teacher was obsessed with Star Wars and used to make us figure out the heat of a lightsaber. Also one period he got out two puppets and started dancin with them on his desk whilst everyone in the class was readin our textbooks. As soon as we noticed he just shouts "GET ON WITH YOUR WORK, when you're a teacher you don't need a reason".
#32
My sociology teacher was pretty cool.

He would check out your clothes and if you have something on it he would point it out and say "That's cool man, what's that?"

When he pokes fun at something he'd tell himself "Don't go there Dave!"

On trying to achieve goals "If you get frustrated, just take two weeks off and then quit altogether."
#33
My chemistry teacher leaves you to learn if you want to, many a time have we had roast chicken, cheesecake or trifle during classtime





She's also awesome for chatting to. She knows everything :|
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#34
This one kind of sucks, but it's all I got. It was a biology teacher I had, and the first week of class he was talking about what toenails and hair and stuff are made of, and he said, "it's just keratin." And he proceeded to repeat that phrase on multiple occasions every single week. He just kept saying it.

Yeah, that's it.
We're only strays.
#35
My sound engineering teacher is so funny but he doesn't realise it. I, apparently, am I only one to find it funny so I have to try not to laugh. I'm too old to be laughing at it but

He was showing us how to wrap up leads (oh yes) and he said:
"Now, you need to make sure all the kinks are out of it. Look at this one, it's really kinky."

He was showing us how to put up a microphone stand and kept saying "spread the legs", "close the legs", or "open the legs".
I took a lot of will power not to laugh.
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#36
My maths teacher: "So did you guys do anything good this summer?"

Girl in my class: "Yeah, I went *band*'s concert with--"

Maths teacher: "You jerk, I wanted to go to that."
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#37
OHH I got another one.

My maths teachers name is Christina Jerkfors. It's pronounced yerkfoorsh in swedish. Think of the last name, JERKFORCE.
Oh god...

Best. Class. Ever.

We mess with her so much, but me and my friend are the epitome. I always do it subtle so that everyone except the teacher hears it, it's quite hillarious

Teacher: Good morning class
Me: Good morning JERKFORCE
Class:
Teacher:

My friend: Hey JERKFORCE I NEED HELP WITH MY PRIME NUMBERS
Class:

Teacher: Hey shakin'cakes friend, would you like to come up and do this problem? *class is dead silent*
Me: ...May the FORCE be with you...
Class: ERUPTS in laughter
Quote by buddha
isnt there a law against not shaving? thats somewere in our constitution. i think it goes something like a girl maybe be a freak in the sheets but no be wild down stairs is treason and for that she will be beheaded.-good old Benjamin F.

#38
Quote by Dust_to_Dust
yep, and its because making toast is not reversable, so its a chemical reaction


If it were reversible it would still be a chemical reaction, you know. The C in the bread would REACT with the O2 in the air.
#39
Quote by Oblivion_Rps
Ooh our maths teacher let us eat cake, do the conga, and mexican wave, and pelvic thrust to the Timewarp. Greatest. maths lesson. ever!

I want your math classes. Why were you doing the Timewarp in class?
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#40
some of these are awesome, mines kinda lame:

my physics teacher is a sarcastic, cynical and possibly sadistic man of indeterminate mass Anyway, everyone else in the class hates him, because they're rubbish at physics (I got 100% on the end of S3 prelim) and he refuses to give out standard punishment exercises, I've had 250 words on why silenceis golden, 500 words on the importance of physics homework, 500 words on the benefits of learning + afew others, I do them in the form of a short story because they're more fun that way (I can link them if anyone wants).

anyway, this one time, this neddy cunt in my class borrowed a pencil off him, and just snapped it in half, so the teacher sent him outside and he slammed the door, so the teacher just said "you know, you're the most brilliant person ever" or something like that. He calls everyone (except me xD) failures all the time as well, and never answers questions properly

he also calls us "ladels and jellyspoons" instead of ladels and gentlemen (just remembered)
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Last edited by jgbsmith at Sep 16, 2008,
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