#1
I'll try to comment back.

"An Inch of Pressure"

Pressure rips off a hummingbirds wings,
tears out it's heart as it tries to sing,
and deepens it's peep until it's a scream.

The same pressure pulls organs to my feet,
with the type of pain...that brings men to their knees,
and i'm sure, that it will kill me.
#2
I wasn't too keen on the 'ee' sound rhyme for 6 lines in a row.

That being said, this was morbid in a way but at the same time wasn't morbid enough for being morbid.. if that makes any sense.

The second stanza leaves me wondering more about what the hell's actually going on, so I want to request some addition