#1
A little sketch I plan on working out more clearly later. c4c.

Lindbergh
A thousand paper cranes,
Twisted and crumpled paper planes,
Thrown aside and flown astray.
Despite your hopes every one
Still read the same. Nonsene. No pain.
"IloyouIlovyIloveyIlveyo."
Crashed and burned
The blind pilot, still lacks the aim.
Fuck you gravity.
Last edited by NGD1313 at Sep 17, 2008,
#2
This pretty much captures a felling of futility as one watches this go down.

IloyouIlovyIloveyIlveyo- I don't get that,
but I like the line "The blind pilot, still lacks the aim."

It seems like this person will never have a chance at redemption, no matter how hard they try.

**** you gravity seems a little out of place for me, but hey.
It's your piece
Blindfolds aside I'd probably still close my eyes

And try to feel a trembling fetal life inside
that shotgun barrel that's about to make me bleed

Like an ulcer in the stomach of the beast


Quote by Aurex
your sarcasam amuses me


CSUSM
#3
this was good. Not your best in my opinion but a nice little read.

last line made me smile.

I can't help but think the second line would sound better without the 'and' and with a comma instead.

Oh well. I always like your stuff.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#4
Very nice, and thought provoking piece. I felt that the 'Iloveyou' line was the messages that are written on the paper planes. People can only really describe their feelings sometimes through words, but before their feelings can even be heard by the reciever everything just goes to shit. You're thoughts are destroyed and taken from you before you even know it.

Could you possibly check out my piece? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=959999
Last edited by redh0tchilip3pp at Sep 18, 2008,