#1
(Intro)
Stare into my eyes,
What do you see,
Is it me or just what you want me to be?
I cant tell anymore,
So can you tell me,
Is it still a person wanting to be free?

Have I become something more,
Something not here before,
Something so undone,
So much a slave,
So far from god,
So hard to save?

(Chorus)
What will you do,
When this world comes crashing down around you,
And every lie you built up to protect your heart,
Every piece of a life that will fall apart,
Do you regret now not being able to see,
That what you needed most to survive included me,
And in all of the lies existed one truth,
Out of the false came one single proof,
That inside your soul was something so twisted,
That you just so happened to have missed it?

(2nd part - unfinished and unedited by band)
Yeah,
I can see you now,
Cowering down, behind the crowd,
They wont save you, no one can, no one will,
So take the pill and go to sleep,
Before you know it youre in too deep,
And cant get out of the hell youve created.

In this place,
Get a taste,
Of the pain youve inflicted,
And those you afflicted,
Surround you now,
Cant get out,
Suffering now,
Choking now,
Dying now.

(Chorus)
What will you do,
When this world comes crashing down around you,
And every lie you built up to protect your heart,
Every piece of a life that will fall apart,
Do you regret now not being able to see,
That what you needed most to survive included me,
And in all of the lies existed one truth,
Out of the false came one single proof,
That inside your soul was something so twisted,
That you just so happened to have missed it?

(Conclusion)
So tell me again,
What do you see,
A little more vengeful than I used to be,
Or am I not me, anymore,
Face down, In the blood, On the floor,
Still the slave,
Cant save,
Me.
End.


* So yeah, thanks for looking at this, whether you comment or not is your choice. I cant force you although Id get better results if I could... Anyways, My names Rodney, I wrote this today while my power was out, I am down here in Texas and Ike sucks so bad... The band I play for doesnt really do this kind of stuff so I wanted to get you guys to crit for me and maybe I could bring it up with them when I finished it.
Thanks again,
Rodney Of Yesteryear Stories.*
Last edited by YesteryrStories at Sep 17, 2008,
#3
Not really why, do they use that one?
BTW - the only machinehead I know is a song by Bush.

And I am sorry about how stupid the title sounds, I didnt take much time on a good one...
#4
Before you post your next piece please give the rules a quick read, I've edited your title this time, next time the thread will be closed.

peACE
THW
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
#5
It seems like the intro is different from the rest of the song. The transition seems off. You are talking about "Me" and then it shifts to "You" very quickly and holds that until the conclusion. Is this some effect you were wanting or what? To me I think it needs revision but thats just me...
And yeah about Bush's Machinehead. Good song...