#1
I spent all last winter losing weight, about 80 pounds to be exact. My thought process was "If I lose the weight everything else in my life will fall into place, and I won't have anymore social problems." Well, I was wrong. Now I'm finding I still have a very difficult time developing relationships and friendships with people. For some reason it just isn't clicking. So now I know it wasn't just the weight, but there has to be something wrong with my personality. I dug deeper, reading psychology books on social dynamics trying to get to the bottom of it. A few things I found helped me a little, but it still isn't coming together. How hard am I ****ed, I can't change my personality...and thats what has to be the problem...right?
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
Last edited by freshtunes at Sep 17, 2008,
#2
To be perfectly honest, I didn't read your post. I just wanted to congratulate you for being the ONLY person who has ever spelled 'Dilemma' correctly on these boards. I see it misspelled at least 5 times a day. A cookie for you.
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#3
What makes you think that your the one that is ****ed up? I us to think that to and than i realized that it was the people around me who were ****ed up!
"Men profess to be lovers of music, but for the most part they give no evidence in their opinions and lives that they have heard it." ~Henry David Thoreau
#4
Quote by freshtunes
I spent all last winter losing weight, about 80 pounds to be exact. My thought process was "If I lose the weight everything else in my life will fall into place, and I won't have anymore social problems." Well, I was wrong. Now I'm finding I still have a very difficult time developing relationships and friendships with people. For some reason it just isn't clicking. So now I know it wasn't just the weight, but there has to be something wrong with my personality. I dug deeper, reading psychology books on social dynamics trying to get to the bottom of it. A few things I found helped me a little, but it still isn't coming together. How hard am I ****ed, I can't change my personality...and thats what has to be the problem...right?



You fail for thinking that :P It's not as simple in theory as losing weight, but it can be done. Doesn't mean it should be, though.

Do you start into conversations with people? I mean, where do you get stuck trying to build relationships?
#5
The one thing that I think hurts a lot of people with relationships with people, or when trying to find someone to be with is that they don't just go for it and say what they want.

If you don't tell people what you want, they can't give it to you. and if you put yourself out there then youve given it a good shot and don't have anything to be upset about
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#6
I never said I was the only one. This would not have been posted if I thought I was the only one. Someone who can not relate to this, will not get it, and therefore have no advice.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
#7
hey man, quick question - do you have a friend out there who you developed a really good friendship as kids? like, someone who you hung out with for a few years when you were a kid?
ive had a few friends for about 10 years now who i met a year or so after i stopped hanging out with my childhood friends of years.

anyways, my advice would be to figure out who the one guy is you had the best friendship with in your life, and - likely - even if you haven't spoken in years, maybe with the blessings of myspace and facebook you can find this chap and start talking again.

otherwise, what's your favorite thing to do that's at least a little social? like, playing guitar in your room isn't, but going to an open mic is. writer's clubs around your area?

also, what do you think about the professions of writer or arist? compared with, say, entrepreneur, banker, businessman, corporate lawyer, etc
Last edited by parkt921k at Sep 17, 2008,
#8
besides the fact that losing 80 pounds in 1 winter is completely unhealthy, even for obese people, you shouldnt have to change for anyone. BUT if it really is that high of a priority, join some kind of school activity. A sport or a club. Seriously, i've seen it work for countless people. thats also how i met many people. i came t othe college with 2 friends and now, thanks to football, i am friends with hundreds (not all football players)
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#9
Well congrats on losing the weight, but that alone won't make or break your social standing. In most cases you'll either need to work on how you interact, or you'll need to branch out and try things that have a social element to them. Honestly, I made a great deal of new friends by doing volunteer work and joining a mixed martial arts center and this happened in a matter of months. I should also mention I have trouble meeting people and connecting with them myself.
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Last edited by terrencemaddox at Sep 17, 2008,
#10
Quote by freshtunes
I never said I was the only one. This would not have been posted if I thought I was the only one. Someone who can not relate to this, will not get it, and therefore have no advice.

he didnt say that, he said why do you think you are ****ed up and how are you not sure its not just the crowd your with that is messed
#11
Quote by freshtunes
I spent all last winter losing weight, about 80 pounds to be exact. My thought process was "If I lose the weight everything else in my life will fall into place, and I won't have anymore social problems." Well, I was wrong. Now I'm finding I still have a very difficult time developing relationships and friendships with people. For some reason it just isn't clicking. So now I know it wasn't just the weight, but there has to be something wrong with my personality. I dug deeper, reading psychology books on social dynamics trying to get to the bottom of it. A few things I found helped me a little, but it still isn't coming together. How hard am I ****ed, I can't change my personality...and thats what has to be the problem...right?


Lol, I may need a few tips from you about the loose weight thing.


Look you need to feel fully confident with yourself and just get out there. Alcohol at parties helps.
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#12
think on the bright side, you got all the nonassholes of the pit to come help you. i havent seen a single "kill yourself" or "put icyhot on your penis" comment. (although the icyhot one would have made me laugh)
Quote by St.Loony
Girls are complicated - Just turn gay and don't bother.


Quote by MightyAl
OK, so now, for Christmas, I'd like the ability to have an erection again.



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one time i got up in the middle of the night to take a shit... and the toilet seat was warm....
#13
Quote by elekguit
Lol, I may need a few tips from you about the loose weight thing.


Look you need to feel fully confident with yourself and just get out there. Alcohol at parties helps.

Haha it does, but it is so easy to become dependent on that. I did that in college and it led to some hilarious/terrible situations.
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#14
Well, from your posts, you seem like a nice, normal guy. I think at the moment, your main problem is that you are too suggestible and too concerned about your image and what others think of you. From the way you talk, you don't really seem to have any social problems or communication problems, and you don't seem to be trying too hard to portray a certain personality that you aren't.

I think what you should do is not try to look for friends or acquaintances by changing yourself to meet an unspoken criteria, because I'm sure that you have some pride in yourself. I think what you should really be doing is searching for people who you get along with that share a likeness to oyu in some way or respect you for who you actually are, because sacrificing yourslef for the love of others can really screw you up and push into a spiral that you were trying to escape in the first place. I guarantee you that trying too hard to be someone you are not will always show and and will always be easy to see through. Sure, you may act different around different people, everyone does, but you still mustr emember that the best conversation is natural conversation.

You are only young and there will be plenty of people and plenty of opportunities to make new friends and connect with people, you just really need to seek that mutual respect with people because your eprsonality and social skills don't seem to be the issue. Just be confident, have faith in yourself and stand tall, because there is always people out there who will respect what you are, not what you can become. That being said, if you are just meeting someone, don't get too heavy too quickly, just remain calm and collected, because that is widely recognised as an admirable quality.
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#15
Well I meet people all the time, but I have a problem forming friendships with them. All summer I partied and shit, drank every night and hung out with enough girls. But nothing came out of it.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
#16
Dude, I know what you are going through. Seeing a psychologist is the first step to solving this.

EDIT: Also listen to what IncubusMan999 said.
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#17
psychologist


dont you mean 'therapist?' (not that im suggesting you need one..


perhaps far from it )
Last edited by parkt921k at Sep 18, 2008,