#1
another Hip Hop Style verse.
gimme your thoughts.
i know the grammar is bad, i type it how i say it


Im ****ing sick of not knowing who im wakin up next to
Shirtless, im worthless, feelin brand new
And you, could call me dirty lungs,
young gun, well hung, im think bout what to call you…
they say the best things in life are unseen,
that’s why we close our eyes when we kiss cry and dream,
but my eyes are wide open, and hopin you’ll explain to me
just how obnoxious I can be.
Sittin there sayin my habbits, are lavish
Loosing touch with god, just playin with some rabbits
Well let me tell you , what I think about the lord
While your prayin, im sayin I got a little bored
And sure, sometimes you’ll catch me yellin at the sky,
Cursin this earth, with tears in my eye
Because if “what if” was a 5th, we’de all be stumblein…
I know you’ve got something to say, quit mumbling
crit my rhymes?:

Lets Get Drunk and Fuck.

Subtle Arrogance

Do you realize, that i can clearly see your clitoris through your jeans?

Quote by Shaepwnsyou
They're very religious, so they have butt sex to save their virginity.
#6
Correct the grammar, correct the line breaks and add punctuation - it will be more than well worth reading then.
#8
Quote by Four-Sticks
These are the best lyrics on this site I've ever read.


wow really?

thank you.
crit my rhymes?:

Lets Get Drunk and Fuck.

Subtle Arrogance

Do you realize, that i can clearly see your clitoris through your jeans?

Quote by Shaepwnsyou
They're very religious, so they have butt sex to save their virginity.
#12
sounds very atmosphere ish, not a bad thing though. id just try to make it your own a little more. im not saying you bit it, but it sounds slightly taken. if its not, take that as a compliment that your rhymes are worth stealing
#13
Huh, I wasn't expecting much when I clicked.
Props, only thing I've enjoyed on this site in a while.
'Losing' not 'Loosing' though.
Throughout the middle it loses a bit of steam and becomes a bit generic, but the start and the end were strong.
O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.
#14
Hmm, definitly alot better than the title makes you think
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#16
i found it confusing. u call it LETS GET DRUNK AND ****....now i figured the **** meant the "F" word.....not "lets talk about god". so it was confusing. i was expecting the whole thing to be about screwin....but it turned into a blaspheming rant. not feelin it duder
#17
Quote by mickeyvalentine
i found it confusing. u call it LETS GET DRUNK AND ****....now i figured the **** meant the "F" word.....not "lets talk about god". so it was confusing. i was expecting the whole thing to be about screwin....but it turned into a blaspheming rant. not feelin it duder


+1, the title and the first lines where you're talking about not knowing who you're waking up next to set us up to think it's going to be about drunken regrets and such, and then you change topic into religion and it just makes it a little bit confusing.