#1
i have a few problems with my band, i am considering leaving.

ill start off with some info about us.

its me as the lead guitarist, 13y.o writing the guitar and bass parts.
my older brother writing lyrics and growling them 16.yo
a friend on rhythm guitar, decent at playing but doesn't write the riffs 17.yo
friend b on drums, amazing at drums, writes drum parts for it. 17y.o
bass player undecided due to lack of bassists.
I've wrote one original song, but where we should be practicing keeps having problems letting us in - we could have had our first practice last week but i had a throat infection and couldn't go

heres the problem: i don't like the vocalist.
he hasn't wrote lyrics, he refuses to growl for us anywhere but practice - which we haven't yet had.
he constantly goes on about how my music taste is terrible, e.g "Hellhammer sucks at drums and just hits things randomly', Stratovarius' singer cant sing for shit either"
and goes on about how we should be like slipknot or lamb of god. as i am writing the guitar and bass parts, theres not a chance in hell of me writing music i hate to listen to. he is disrespectful, racist and refuses to help me carry my gear, except occasionally my stratocaster for when the rhythm guitarist needs to use it. i don't find it fun being around him at all.

he also wants me to start writing lyrics too, which leads me to my next problem.

im really shy, i rarely go out - if it weren't for band practice i probably wouldn't go out at all. i have nothing to write lyrics about, and even if i did try i just think they will laugh at me and just make things worse off for me. id like to kick the vocalist out and find a new one - but all my friends are better friends with him than they are with me, so they would probably leave as well - or just kick me out/quit the band

so i'm asking you people of bandleading forum, what should i do? ive probably left some stuff out by accident, so if you want more information just ask, thanks.

"The mind is its own place, and in itself

Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n"

- John Milton, Paradise Lost
#2
Have a meeting w/o the vocalist.

Discuss your problems with him and why he would seem like a vital problem to the band. Seeing how he is also your older brother. They are generally assholes to younger brothers.
Quote by hostilekid
shadesofanger, you're my hero.


Quote by GoldenBlues
So I was wondering, are black people capable feeling love? I mean can their brains comprehend that kind of emotion, or are they not programmed that way.
#3
Quote by shadesofanger
Have a meeting w/o the vocalist.

Discuss your problems with him and why he would seem like a vital problem to the band. Seeing how he is also your older brother. They are generally assholes to younger brothers.


i just don't think that if they had to choose me or him that i would be left in the band though

"The mind is its own place, and in itself

Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n"

- John Milton, Paradise Lost
#4
I mean tell them about the problems and they might understand how much of a lazy dick he is.
Quote by hostilekid
shadesofanger, you're my hero.


Quote by GoldenBlues
So I was wondering, are black people capable feeling love? I mean can their brains comprehend that kind of emotion, or are they not programmed that way.
#5
So this singer guy, who's racist, disrespectful and constantly ragging on you is your older brother right?
Oh sh!t!

Well let's look at your choices.

1. If you conspire to fire him, it's gonna cause a family rift, and nothing's worth that.

2. You could possibly put up with him and hope he changes as he gets older and matures, but you know him better than us, is that likely to happen?

3. You could possibly get your parents to have a word with him. I know it sounds like grassing on your brother but hey, he's giving you a really hard time when as yopur older brother, he should be looking out for you.

4. Or you can leave. Just tell him that he's spoiling it for you and it's no longer fun.
Rule number 1. If it ain't fun, it ain't worth doing.

5. Or.... you could threaten to leave. Again, tell him he's spoiling it for you and it's no longer fun, but give him an ultimatum.
Tell him the problems you have with him and tell him that if he doesn't start treating you with respect, drop the racism and start actualy contributing to the band, then you'll be leaving and looking for another band.
I know you said you're shy and that an outburst like this really isn't you, but you really can't continue to have someone treat you like this, even your own brother.
Besides, it's because you're shy and normaly quiet that such an outburst will be even more effective.
Infact, it's probably a good idea to do it in front of the band. If they see his behaviour threatening the band, they may just back you up and have a word with him themselves.

Of the five choices, I'd say that the fifth one is probably your best bet.
It has the potential to improve the band, improve your relationship with your brother and possibly bring you out of your shell a bit too.
Of course, if it doesn't work, you have to make good on your threat and leave, but hey, remember rule number one, you won't be losing anything and at least you'll only have to put up with him at home.
Last edited by SlackerBabbath at Sep 19, 2008,
#6
Quote by SlackerBabbath
So this singer guy, who's racist, disrespectful and constantly ragging on you is your older brother right?
Oh sh!t!

Well let's look at your choices.

1. If you conspire to fire him, it's gonna cause a family rift, and nothing's worth that.

2. You could possibly put up with him and hope he changes as he gets older and matures, but you know him better than us, is that likely to happen?

3. You could possibly get your parents to have a word with him. I know it sounds like grassing on your brother but hey, he's giving you a really hard time when as yopur older brother, he should be looking out for you.

4. Or you can leave. Just tell him that he's spoiling it for you and it's no longer fun.
Rule number 1. If it ain't fun, it ain't worth doing.

5. Or.... you could threaten to leave. Again, tell him he's spoiling it for you and it's no longer fun, but give him an ultimatum.
Tell him the problems you have with him and tell him that if he doesn't start treating you with respect, drop the racism and start actualy contributing to the band, then you'll be leaving and looking for another band.
I know you said you're shy and that an outburst like this really isn't you, but you really can't continue to have someone treat you like this, even your own brother.
Besides, it's because you're shy and normaly quiet that such an outburst will be even more effective.
Infact, it's probably a good idea to do it in front of the band. If they see his behaviour threatening the band, they may just back you up and have a word with him themselves.

Of the five choices, I'd say that the fifth one is probably your best bet.
It has the potential to improve the band, improve your relationship with your brother and possibly bring you out of your shell a bit too.
Of course, if it doesn't work, you have to make good on your threat and leave, but hey, remember rule number one, you won't be losing anything and at least you'll only have to put up with him at home.


i think i will try number 5 next time i see them all again then, or just leave and try turn the songs i have wrote into instrumentals or something,i think your right that theres nothing to loose if i do...other than some friends and time. i'll see how it goes.

and shadesofanger, i doubt they would take my side over his still

"The mind is its own place, and in itself

Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n"

- John Milton, Paradise Lost
#7
Quote by metallicafan616
i think i will try number 5 next time i see them all again then, or just leave and try turn the songs i have wrote into instrumentals or something,i think your right that theres nothing to loose if i do...other than some friends and time. i'll see how it goes.

and shadesofanger, i doubt they would take my side over his still


Are the rest of the band like your brother? If not, you'll probably find that you'll gain some respect from them for standing up to your brother, if they arelike your brother then you're probably better off without them anyway.
#8
Quote by SlackerBabbath
Are the rest of the band like your brother? If not, you'll probably find that you'll gain some respect from them for standing up to your brother, if they arelike your brother then you're probably better off without them anyway.


Maybe if his friends feel the same way they can kick him out and not cause a family rift. That way you can just say, "I wanted to keep you, your friends are bastards"

*Later*
lololololololololololololololol
Quote by hostilekid
shadesofanger, you're my hero.


Quote by GoldenBlues
So I was wondering, are black people capable feeling love? I mean can their brains comprehend that kind of emotion, or are they not programmed that way.
#9
Quote by shadesofanger
Maybe if his friends feel the same way they can kick him out and not cause a family rift. That way you can just say, "I wanted to keep you, your friends are bastards"

This is exactly what I was thinking.
The other two are slightly older than the brother/singer and possibly a little more sensible too.
They may also decide that he really is taking the piss if he's dumping all his responsibilities on the youngest member of the band and they may well say something like, 'Hey, you can act how you like at home, but you're not getting away with behaviour like that in this band'
I know I would.
#10
ok, so we havent got a full song written yet - no lyrics yet

im not to pissed off at him for not writing them, but the fact that due to him being lazy we missed the chance of being featured in the GEAR magazine that JHS run, which would give us publicity to around 200,000 people - now i will have to wait untill the next time the magazine is being issues.

if he doesnt sort himself out by next bandpractice, then im leaving, to avoid confrontations.

id like to ask what i can do..
A) to get him to write lyrics
B) if he doesnt write lyrics at all?

thanks for helping guys so far guys

"The mind is its own place, and in itself

Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n"

- John Milton, Paradise Lost
#11
Quote by metallicafan616
ok, so we havent got a full song written yet - no lyrics yet

im not to pissed off at him for not writing them, but the fact that due to him being lazy we missed the chance of being featured in the GEAR magazine that JHS run, which would give us publicity to around 200,000 people - now i will have to wait untill the next time the magazine is being issues.

if he doesnt sort himself out by next bandpractice, then im leaving, to avoid confrontations.

id like to ask what i can do..
A) to get him to write lyrics
B) if he doesnt write lyrics at all?

thanks for helping guys so far guys


And he was too lazy to get you guys that much publicity
Quote by hostilekid
shadesofanger, you're my hero.


Quote by GoldenBlues
So I was wondering, are black people capable feeling love? I mean can their brains comprehend that kind of emotion, or are they not programmed that way.
#13
Quote by metallicafan616
ok, so we havent got a full song written yet - no lyrics yet

im not to pissed off at him for not writing them, but the fact that due to him being lazy we missed the chance of being featured in the GEAR magazine that JHS run, which would give us publicity to around 200,000 people - now i will have to wait untill the next time the magazine is being issues.

if he doesnt sort himself out by next bandpractice, then im leaving, to avoid confrontations.

id like to ask what i can do..
A) to get him to write lyrics
B) if he doesnt write lyrics at all?

thanks for helping guys so far guys

Wake him up in the middle of the night with a blade to his throat and tell him that this was just a practice and if he doesn't have the lyrics written by tommorrow night, it'll be the real thing.

Seriously though, you have to take into consideration that he maybe just can't do it. Not everyone can write lyrics and just because he's the singer, it doesn't automaticaly make him the best person to write the lyrics.
But you could suggest that he buys a rhyming dictionary. The first time I looked at one and saw all these lists of rhyming words, it was like hundreds of inspired lines of poetry were suddenly appearing in my head.
#14
Quote by SlackerBabbath

Seriously though, you have to take into consideration that he maybe just can't do it. Not everyone can write lyrics and just because he's the singer, it doesn't automaticaly make him the best person to write the lyrics.
But you could suggest that he buys a rhyming dictionary. The first time I looked at one and saw all these lists of rhyming words, it was like hundreds of inspired lines of poetry were suddenly appearing in my head.


neal peart writes the lyrics for rush, and he's the drummer.

maybe he's having some bad drama or something in his life that's shaking him up. you can't write when there's stuff like that on your mind. you should talk to him.
#15
i agree that maybe he cant write lyrics, but its that he kept promising to do them that really angered me, especially with all the publicity being thrown away like that.

should i ask the other guys if they can help write lyrics or something? im good at writing guitar/bass parts and help with the drums but i cant write lyrics

"The mind is its own place, and in itself

Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n"

- John Milton, Paradise Lost
#16
Quote by metallicafan616
i agree that maybe he cant write lyrics, but its that he kept promising to do them that really angered me, especially with all the publicity being thrown away like that.

should i ask the other guys if they can help write lyrics or something? im good at writing guitar/bass parts and help with the drums but i cant write lyrics

Ahh, I see what angers you now. Yeah, ask the other guys, making sure to mention that your brother promised to do it but let you all down.
I'm thinking that they may start seeing him as a liability and decide to replace him, which of course would be nothing to do with you.