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#1
ok so as horrible as this sounds, i think that over the past year i've started to grow a great amount of resentment towards my grandfather. Due to some things that my parents have accidentally let slip out in conversations, I have this sneaking suspicion that he used to be abusive towards my mom and he has actually been a total ass to my grandmother in front of my two younger brothers and myself.

He's also become extremely stubborn and irate It's impossible to have a conversation with him, not that he will blow you off or anything, it's just like he doesn't want to talk.

I don't know if it's just his age (he's like 68), but either way, I think that in some instances there was no excuse for what he did. Last time when he was driving my brothers my and I back to our house (which is a good 4-5 hour drive) I was just seconds away from exploding on him.

I feel extremely bad about holding this growing anger towards my grandfather and I'm not sure if it's me or him or both, but I really hate it. I feel that such aggression toward someone who looked after me as a little baby and raised my mom is almost unjustifiable, but he's just so... insensitive and obnoxious that it's really hard for me not to just scream at him sometimes.

So do you think that i should hold these feelings against my grandfather, or am I just being too hateful to someone who's growing old?
#2
smoke him down.
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you say A
i say Revolution
and you say jah



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#3
give the guy a break man, a lot of people turn more spiteful as they get older
Call me Jack
#5
Tell your parents, my mother always complained to me about her father in law...

Maybe he's gonna die, that's what happened with my grandfather.
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#6
If you really believe he was abusive toward your mother, your resentment is justified.
I have a deep hatred of abusive parents. They need to be payed back,blow for blow for what they did, be just as scared shitless as their child was to not tell someone and get help.
Quote by Jackal58
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#7
The fact that he is your mother's father shouldn't have any affect on the way you feel about him. If he's a dick, he's a dick. You shouldn't over look someone being a dick just because they're family.

Personally, I hate my grandfather and on several occasions it has gotten physical.
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#8
he's old, bottle it up, it won't kill you, might kill him though so just shut your mouth.
#9
Quote by Powerhouse
You're one cut break line away from solving this problem.


That's so awful.

And totally true.

Seriously, he's old, whatever he did in the past you can't change, if you don't like him don't talk to him; I can't say I ever liked my mom's grandpa, he was a drunk and abusive to my grandmother.

It's not like you can do anything about it, just accept what he did and if you don't like him then just don't like him.
In an interstellar burst! I am back to save the universe...
#10
Quote by GaijinFoot
he's old, bottle it up, it won't kill you, might kill him though so just shut your mouth.

Yeah, bottle up your feelings. Repress them. When they seep out, directed at people who deserve it.. Oh well, at least the old guy is well.

I think you should probably talk to someone about it, like your mom.
Quote by vintage x metal
I love you =] I can't say I was very fond of you when we first started talking because you trolled the hell out of my threads, but after talking to you here I've grown very attached to you.

Yeah, write to my fanclub about it, honey.
#11
my grandfather didnt know the n-word was bad until about a month ago when my uncle told him it was
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#12
Quote by Jack Off Jill
Yeah, bottle up your feelings. Repress them. When they seep out, directed at people who deserve it.. Oh well, at least the old guy is well.

I think you should probably talk to someone about it, like your mom.


dude i dont want to talk about it with my mom. it would be too awkward and she's the proud "i'm so invincible" type who would like never talk about something traumatic like that unless there was ample reason to.

And i dont think "grampa's really pissing me off" qualifies as ample reason :-/

i would really want to though. but i just don't see how i could
#13
Quote by dazed'nconfused
dude i dont want to talk about it with my mom. it would be too awkward and she's the proud "i'm so invincible" type who would like never talk about something traumatic like that unless there was ample reason to.

And i dont think "grampa's really pissing me off" qualifies as ample reason :-/

i would really want to though. but i just don't see how i could

You know, that's how my mom is, too. But when I asked her questions about my grandfather, she told me the truth about him. So, maybe your mom will surprise you, who knows? What could it hurt to ask?
Quote by vintage x metal
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Yeah, write to my fanclub about it, honey.
#14
Quote by Johansensan
my grandfather didnt know the n-word was bad until about a month ago when my uncle told him it was


lol. Old people are so innocent.

Yeah, it shouldn't matter whether or not he's your mother's father. Maybe he's just angry and scared that's he's going to be dead in a few years and doesn't know how to handle it so he takes it out on his younger family.

Maybe he doesn't wanna talk to you because he can sense your hostility.
#16
Quote by Abunai X
lol. Old people are so innocent.

Yeah, it shouldn't matter whether or not he's your mother's father. Maybe he's just angry and scared that's he's going to be dead in a few years and doesn't know how to handle it so he takes it out on his younger family.

Maybe he doesn't wanna talk to you because he can sense your hostilit
y.


thats what i thought at first too but like I would try to go on errands with him and stuff and just try to talk to him about school or whatever and he'd just give me one word answers like
"Good"
and
"Yep"

And then change the subject.
#18
Quote by dazed'nconfused
...not that he will blow you off or anything, it's just like he doesn't want to talk.


Giggles


I wish I had grandparents or great-grandparents. Both sets on both sides passed away before I was born.
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#20
welcome to old people
... For A Pair Of Brown Eyes

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#22
Quote by dazed'nconfused
thats what i thought at first too but like I would try to go on errands with him and stuff and just try to talk to him about school or whatever and he'd just give me one word answers like
"Good"
and
"Yep"

And then change the subject.

i can pay him a little visit like i did for my psychology prof.
#23
Quote by Jack Off Jill
Yeah, bottle up your feelings. Repress them. When they seep out, directed at people who deserve it.. Oh well, at least the old guy is well.

I think you should probably talk to someone about it, like your mom.

What feelings? he doesn't like the guy, deal with it, won't be around for long anyway. it's not that hard.
#24
Quote by GaijinFoot
What feelings? he doesn't like the guy, deal with it, won't be around for long anyway. it's not that hard.

He doesn't like the guy because he's an ass to his grandmother. If his grandmother doesn't deserve it, then he should say something about it.
Quote by vintage x metal
I love you =] I can't say I was very fond of you when we first started talking because you trolled the hell out of my threads, but after talking to you here I've grown very attached to you.

Yeah, write to my fanclub about it, honey.
#25
I'm not sure what everyone else said, because I did not read through the entire conversation, but in my opinion it would be best to take a deep breath and talk to him calmly about your views. You can only hope he will listen. Older people are generally very firm in their views, but if you take time and carefully explain to him how you feel, maybe you will be able to make him understand how you feel.
#26
Quote by dazed'nconfused


I don't know if it's just his age (he's like 68), but either way, I think that in some instances there was no excuse for what he did. Last time when he was driving my brothers my and I back to our house (which is a good 4-5 hour drive) I was just seconds away from exploding on him.


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#27
Quote by dazed'nconfused
but either way, I think that in some instances there was no excuse for what he did. Last time when he was driving my brothers my and I back to our house I was just seconds away from exploding on him.


Fixed
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#28
Quote by dazed'nconfused
thats what i thought at first too but like I would try to go on errands with him and stuff and just try to talk to him about school or whatever and he'd just give me one word answers like
"Good"
and
"Yep"

And then change the subject.


Maybe it's what you say. If you follow him around on his errands saying things like, "Billy called me fat at school today, and then he stole my pencil. I hate him, I wish he would die", he'll probably find it a bit hard to care, what with his old-person problems and all.

Out of curiosity, what would he do if you tried to talk to HIM about it?
#29
My grandpa used to KINDA be like that. Then he found out just how bad his heart condition was. Now, he's a great guy to be around, even though he can't do strenuous stuff.
#30
Well, if he was THAT abusive to your mother then he wouldn't be around you at all, maybe he was incredibly strict and your mother/father interpreted it as abusive behaviour..

Either way, the fact that he is around and willing to do a 4-5 hour drive just to help out your family seems like a noble deed to me, it's just people get a little more cranky when they get older.. give him a break

EDIT : Damn, I edited liek 10 times due to grammatical errors, I need to stop drinking
EDIT2: like* ^ 11 times now..
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
#31
Ah mt Grandmas has dimensia (sp?), she cant remember anything, exept VERY longterm things, like her children and children-in-laws. Well, she doesn't remember me, whenever I go over I'm referred to as "him" "that guy" "you", she doens't even know my name. Plus she keeps making fun of me because I look sad. Leme see, you have golf on, and you repeat the same conversation 10 times a visit, who the hell wouldn't be bored
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#32
Quote by Abunai X
Maybe it's what you say. If you follow him around on his errands saying things like, "Billy called me fat at school today, and then he stole my pencil. I hate him, I wish he would die", he'll probably find it a bit hard to care, what with his old-person problems and all.

Out of curiosity, what would he do if you tried to talk to HIM about it?


I have no idea. He'd probably get really offended or pissed off. I would never accuse him of abusing my mother in front of him, let alone without any concrete proof.

And when i run errands with him and try to start conversations its more like:
"yea so I think I might be able to get a varsity letter this year, do you think you could come and watch me at one of my regattas?" (i'm on my high school's crew team)
"good."
"What?"
"So how about them redskins?"
" "
#33
Quote by dazed'nconfused
I have no idea. He'd probably get really offended or pissed off. I would never accuse him of abusing my mother in front of him, let alone without any concrete proof.

And when i run errands with him and try to start conversations its more like:
"yea so I think I might be able to get a varsity letter this year, do you think you could come and watch me at one of my regattas?" (i'm on my high school's crew team)
"good."
"What?"
"So how about them redskins?"
" "


Well, that's a bit upsetting. You asked him so nicely too. Maybe you should just talk about stuff that he's really into or feels strongly about. Anyway, I hope it works out ok.
#34
Quote by Abunai X
Well, that's a bit upsetting. You asked him so nicely too. Maybe you should just talk about stuff that he's really into or feels strongly about. Anyway, I hope it works out ok.


yea i hope so too

I'm sure whether i like it or not, we'll still visit him in west virginia, and he'll still come visit us in Va so it's not like we'll become estranged or anything lol.
#35
Quote by dazed'nconfused


Last time when he was driving my brothers my and I back to our house (which is a good 4-5 hour drive) I was just seconds away from exploding on him.



is it just me or does this sound erotic
hahahahhah! just messing
#37
Kill him.

Or wait 2 min he will die soon.


Nah just ****ing kill him
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#38
it's okay to hate him. but if you want my opinion, you shouldn't do anything about it. this might be a little macabre (sp?), but he might not be around for that much longer, so you should really just suck it up.
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#39
Quote by rosamamosa
it's okay to hate him. but if you want my opinion, you shouldn't do anything about it. this might be a little macabre (sp?), but he might not be around for that much longer, so you should really just suck it up.


yea i know. i'm just afraid that like, one day i'll go to his funeral and have to pretend to cry or something. i really dont want to be like that
#40
different generations

people back then would have gotten weird looks if they DIDN'T beat their kids
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