My first attempt at a proper song .
It all kinda got inspired by Trivium so its kind of heavier metal with heavy riffs I guess. Please leave useful comments on what I can do to improve my writing style and the piece itself .
End Of An Era.zip
Last edited by salamander121 at Sep 22, 2008,
i love the main into riff. simple and heavy.
some harmonizing would have been nice in the high note bits.
the solo is pretty alright. i expected it to be a bit longer though, haha.
the drumming is brilliant. i must say!
mm I've been getting back into Trivium loads recently as well - the new album has really blown me away!


Intro - it's not a bad start at all, the drums here are good but I'd have liked to have seen the lead guitar do something a bit more interesting to be honest, it's fairly bland. The next riff is ok but fairly standard, mix up the note lengths and make it a bit more interesting.

Verse 1 - very good riff and the drums again worked well, not much more to add

Chorus - quality lead riff, can see it working really well beneath the vocal line, and the transition back into the verse was decent - very Trivium-esque.

Solo - The transition into this seems a little off to be honest and I think that's because of the drums. Personally I'd just have two cymbal hits in bar 81 followed by a drum roll. The rest of the solo is very simplistic, not saying that's a bad thing but to my ears this song needs a fairly upbeat solo. Add some slow melodic phrases with some fast licks in between as linking motifs. Also bar 91 would be the perfect place for a whammy bar dive. Also in 103-4 I think the notes would be much better played as unison bends. If this doesn't make sense I can always tab out a vague sort of solo for you myself to express what I mean better.

Re-Intro - this really needs some sort of lead over it, and the 1 1/4 bends sound horrible.

Last Chorus - Though the lead riff is good it really needs some variation here. Change the note lengths, add some palm muting/bends/slides - anything just to give it a different feel. Have a look at some of zakatak9389's stuff as well, his leads are usually very good and should teach you a lot.

Anyway for a first song this is very good, it's cohesive and has a clear idea and the main chorus riff is very good. My main tips would be:

- Try and make your music sound more original. Mix up the note lengths (not just quarter notes for example), and try to keep the leads fresh, don't just copy/paste
- Study other bands solos/leads and work out WHY they sound good. A good example for this kind of song would be Trivium's Like Light to Flies - look at how they use fast licks between the melodic passages in the solo. Also the harmonised sections (octaves and thirds are usually best for harmonised passages)
- Just keep writing. Practice and learn from what other people say about your songs. The majority of members here will leave you some constructive criticism (ignore those who don't) and build on that. Keep putting out songs, and provided you take the criticisms on board, I guarantee you will improve.

Keep it up mate
Thanks man, I'll definetaly take a look around at other peoples work to see how soloing is done, as I'm kind of nooby at it at the moment.
Dude that was awesome.

At first I was expecting it to be all powerchords, but hell, it was amazing man. The solo was a bit boring, I was expecting something epic, some advice, is that in a song like that, it builds up to the solo and the solo really blows you away and then you flow into the main riff/intro/last chorus or whatever.

Some harmonising would've been nice

But all in all, I think this would sound amazing if you recorded it.

Quote by dark&broken
I'd like to see any of those meathead homophobes look a Spartan in the eye and call him a fag.

hey, for your first "proper" song it is really good. No real obvious 'beginner flaws' in theory composition or riff structure. Can of course be polished a lot more, but hey, that's why you're here. So on we go:

I'm not that sure about the intro. The first four bars are a neat idea, but as you did I'd save them later for a breakdown. Could be spiced up with something more rhythmically imaginative than the 4 eightnotes, oh and both guitars can chug, of course (and harmonize the melody notes of later).
The stuff that's coming up in bar 5 ff has a much better intro feel, it slithers nicely menacing along and leads of course good into the explosive start of the 'real' main intro riff in bar 9 ff. You could maybe accentuate that outbreak more with a riff variation, a break, a drumfill or pickscrape, etc. The Riff in bar 9 ff (ff= my abbreviation of "and the bars that follow", if you're wondering) is great! Has a really driving Shadows Fall feel to it ! To be honest I don't see much Trivium in here instead, but hey, to each his own, I suppose.

Verse 1 is where it starts to get tricky. You still rely on the plodding eight note rhythm, and the same 1-2-3-4 drumbeat (and basically throughouth the whole piece). Can be a double edged sword. If the rhythm kicks, by all means keep it, but my thoughts on this matter are: By making more variations you can keep the parts distinctively seperate and avoid a 'blending' effect that lends itself to much fatigue. The real deal is that by incorporating slower parts, you make your faster parts "feel" much faster, by incorporating softer parts you make your harder parts punch more (because there's actual development in dynamics instead of being all around the same intensity-level, which accustomes the listener to not notice intensity at all anymore). Things you can do to mix up the verse a little bit, like incorporating some 16th notes alternate gallops (would match up nicely with the kick drum), or eschew some of the chords and rely more on melody notes and pedal-riffing, incorporating some pauses here and there (preferably in spots that accentuate the overall groove)..

Chorus is good. I'd consider making the lead melody an A-B structure (that is, not simply repeating the exact same melody twice, but repeat it with a different ending at least. It's quite simple actually, seeing as the first melody simply ends on a descending line. How about something ascending later?). As for the rhythm guitars, it's the same eightnotes rhythm again, which now would get really tiring. You'll be amazed how much it would feel 'opened' up, if you rather use longer held chords.
You can of course also harmonize the lead melody. I understand and respect if you want to keep it most simple to mirror a realistic 2-guitar band setup, but hey, just try it for the fun of it (just call the track 'studio overdub', etc). Or additionally you can add more harmonic depth if you alter the rhythm chords in such a way that they play not only powerchords but fitting extensions (in drop tuning, most popular is the -add9th (like: 8-8-10-x-x-x (chord chart)), but there are other possibilites also). Just loop the section, jam around and see what comes up!
Oh and by the way, is it a conscious decision of you to not use the 'palm muting' function ? Some people don't like it, but I find it rather useful and it helps accentuate such rhythms.

Solo comes up. Nothing bad our out of key, but hey not much remarkable or memorable anyway. You do have some melodic sensibilities, it shows, but not much fleshed out. The drum break and transition didn't really help either, I'd lose those (how about a halftime rhythm by now ? It will pick up steam later on). There needs to be more focus in your motives (look for example to your chorus melody, it may be simple, but focused in direction, and that's why it works). If you want to incorporate faster sections (please do) that don't resort to mindless noodling, you can have them flow along with arpeggios that miror the underlying chords (note: that doesn't have to mean generic sweeps, but at least establish a meaningful harmonic relationship between lead and rhythm).

If you want to look at more examples for inspiration that (I feel) go in a similar vein, of course you know the Trivium-songs, maybe better than I do (only like some tracks from Ascendancy, the other stuff didn't spark with me too much), you can look at some Shadows Fall stuff (of course, if you haven't done already). Songs like "what drives the weak", "redemption", "the power of i and i", "a fire in babylon" or "the light that blinds" can provide some pointers on song structure, dynamics arrangement and solo development.
Keep it up!
Thanks for the help dude, I'll be sure to do/notice these kind of things when I write future pieces. You are definately right when it comes to me setting up my parts. I just prefer to do the standard set-up that could be played by a band but now come to think of it I'll start to incorporate some more harmonising and -try- to stretch my ability at soloing into the lead guitar parts.
by the way, '(the) End of an Era' is the title of a great Hopesfall song. May want to reconsider ?

like I said, you can also introduce some more harmonic depth not just by doing the cliched "lead melody harmonized in thirds by a third guitar"-thing, but by adding harmonic extensions to the standart powerchord rhythms underneath the lead - which would also help in the variety-department and other assorted issues I mentioned.

with 'just' two guitars, harmonizing lead lines can be a challenge. When both guitars play in the upper register, and there's only the bass below, you tend to feel a certain 'hole', a lack in the wall of sound (as we're accustomed to rhythm guitars). You can try to apprehend that by either shifting the lead melodies down a bit, which sometimes works (see harmony lead section of "a gunshot to the head of trepidation"), or have the bass do something more prominent to 'fill up' the lower and middle frequencies (that means something more than just standart 8th notes root notes), or finally crafting the section in such a way that it doesn't feel as if a driving rhythm guitar would be necessary at all (ie. a slow section, for example, like the harmony part of 'master of puppets'). The high art of harmonizing two guitars is crafting rhythm and lead so consciously that they intertwine in a way that complements both. I sent you a private message with some GP tabs I feel fit that style and are worthy examples for further study.
The file wouldn't work for me... I wanted to listen because of the great comments you are getting, but the file is corrupted.
Verse 1 sounds a little bit like BFMV

Chorus sounds nice, great leading riff.

the song overall is insane.

Sorry for my bad english, i'm brazilian
tis an awesome song [and awesome band for influence]

the intro riff is alright, nothing special, but alright

the main riff is pretty damn awesome, but you might want to add palm mute to the verse riff

chorus riff is great, can really hear the corey in there =p you might want to add some variance

the solo fits very nicely, but it's rather simple, add some fast transitions i think

and the last chorus, needs something to boost it, make it sound difference, harmonize/octaves/ up a step? [trivium have done that]

i shall rate this 9/10 =]
this song has great potential, would sound awesome with lyrics. good job 8/10
Well .. I don't see much Trivium in there, rather Killswitch Engage and BfmV.
Anyway, good Song in my opinion. I like the drive of the rhythm guitar.
and it really seems like you've got an idea of how to create cool drums, cuz they
fit perfectly IMO.

Some harmonies in the Chorus Lead would have been nice, tho.
as well as some variations, but well ..
the solo indeed is definitely Trivium-ish, so it sounds cool .

Good Job