#1
song starts with a cool intro i did with triad chords, then comes in guitar with heavy distortion, for a couple bars, then it cuts away to clean reggae down strokes, and thats when the lyrics come in...

alot of people change in this world but
i havent changed a bit
i still walk around each day wondering why
people are full of shit

i wonder why
i even try
i might as well kick back relax and
enjoy the ride

that is life
woah oh oh
that is life
mhm
x2


i walk around each day
living my very own way
i walk around each day
not listening to what the man say

(this is the third time ive put this verse in a song and i still havent found a home for it)
i sick and tired
of waking up to an alarm clock
dont want to spend my life
just waiting to drop
i sick and tired
of writing songs no one will hear
i sick and tired of being the only one
grinning from ear to ear

but that's life
woah oh oh
that's life
mhm x2

this is where there would be a guitar solo but i suck at that so...
(spoken)


we got people littering in the streets
we got people driving when they got feet
we got people littering in the streets
we got people driving when they got feet

then theres i doing my own thing
i and i were doing our own thing
then theres i doing my own thing
i and i were doing our own thing

but that's life
woah oh oh
that's life
mhm x2

then it finishes with the intro which is the little picking on the triad chords, got a reggae vibe to it

c4c

peace
Last edited by sublime4evr at Sep 20, 2008,
#2
very intresting.

different, but still it seems a bit unorigional.

i feel like ive heard this song before

i do like the irony of being pissed that your always happy.

haha
crit my rhymes?:

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#3
I like the lyrics quite a bit.

I read them as your opinion on the world or society:

alot of people change in this world but
i havent changed a bit
i still walk around each day wondering why
people are full of shit

I relate to this, a lot of people around me change but I still haven't, well not that I can tell.

It's an interesting perspective to put into a song though.
Good stuff.


and yeah,
I like the irony of you being pissed that you're always happy, too.
#4
i dig man, i dig.

I especially like the alarm clock verse. Obviously a reggae influence. But you it is kinda contridicitng how you say live your life then get pissed about other people and shit.

Im kinda like you, i just live my life and be myself, whoever that may be. But i dont give a shit what other people do as long as it doesnt effect me or anyone around me.
#5
Quote by sublime4evr
song starts with a cool intro i did with triad chords, then comes in guitar with heavy distortion, for a couple bars, then it cuts away to clean reggae down strokes, and thats when the lyrics come in...

alot of people change in this world but
i havent changed a bit
i still walk around each day wondering why
people are full of shit

i wonder why
i even try
i might as well kick back relax and
enjoy the ride

that is life
woah oh oh
that is life
mhm I think you've got a good start to the song. First verse is good enough, second has a lot of flow, and I see a lot of hook potential in the chorus
x2


i walk around each day
living my very own way very own way? its a bit much
i walk around each day
not listening to what the man say not really strong enough

(this is the third time ive put this verse in a song and i still havent found a home for it)
i sick and tired I know it's reggae, but 'i sick and tired' is still stretching the grammar rules, would 'I'm' kill you?
of waking up to an alarm clock
dont want to spend my life
just waiting to drop
i sick and tired
of writing songs no one will hear
i sick and tired of being the only one
grinning from ear to ear hmm, this line actually seems to contrast much of your previous tone

but that's life
woah oh oh
that's life
mhm x2

this is where there would be a guitar solo but i suck at that so...
(spoken)


we got people littering in the streets
we got people driving when they got feet I cannot make sense of this line. It doesn't sound that great either.
we got people littering in the streets
we got people driving when they got feet

then theres i doing my own thing
i and i were doing our own thing
then theres i doing my own thing
i and i were doing our own thing This sounds like a line from a children's song. It's just kind of goofy filler that adds nothing

but that's life
woah oh oh
that's life
mhm x2

then it finishes with the intro which is the little picking on the triad chords, got a reggae vibe to it

c4c

peace


Decent opening, chorus with definite rhythm potential, and then some mangled, vague, and useless lyrics as the song moves toward conclusion. Needs more effort.

c4c always appreciated, link to my newest 'Of Felons and Fathers' in my sig.
#7


alot of people change in this world but
i havent changed a bit
i still walk around each day wondering why
people are full of shit ---------- Nice start, Just hope the rhythm's fixed with the music


i wonder why
i even try
i might as well kick back relax and --------- I might as well kick back , relax,
enjoy the ride And enjoy the ride.

Try not to link with an "and" screws up rhythm

that is life
woah oh oh
that is life ------ Im no pro but i dont think your supposed to write down fillers :S
mhm
x2


i walk around each day
living my very own way
i walk around each day
not listening to what the man say
-- What the man says OR what the men say would sound better

(this is the third time ive put this verse in a song and i still havent found a home for it)
i'm sick and tired
of waking up to an alarm clock --------- Of waking to an alarm clock
dont want to spend my life
just waiting to drop
i'm sick and tired
of writing songs no one will hear ----------- Of writing song's no one's gonna hear
i'm sick and tired of being the only one
grinning from ear to ear

but that's life
woah oh oh
that's life
mhm x2

this is where there would be a guitar solo but i suck at that so...
(spoken)


we got people littering in the streets
we got people driving when they got feet -- Sweet!
we got people littering in the streets
we got people driving when they got feet

then theres i doing my own thing
i and i were doing our own thing --i and i were doing our thing
then theres i doing my own thing
i and i were doing our own thing -- i and i were doing our thing

but that's life
woah oh oh
that's life
mhm x2


Hey man ,
First off, thanks for the crit, appreciated.

Now the song starts well but i think the rhythm and flow is screwed up in some areas. I've given changes for a start but now its for you to build up on them!

The problem with linking with "and" is that you have no time to pause after the line with gives it a 3 line effect with the 3rd line being twice as huge. [ Dunno if i put that across well, but yeah]

Ciao!

6.9/10
#8
Quote by sublime4evr

alot of people change in this world but
i havent changed a bit
i still walk around each day wondering why
people are full of shit

i wonder why
i even try
i might as well kick back relax and
enjoy the ride (I think it could sound better: and just enjoy the ride)

that is life
woah oh oh
that is life
mhm
x2


i walk around each day
living my very own way
i walk around each day
not listening to what the man say

i sick and tired (i dont feel the flow on the I, i would prefeer just sick and tired)
of waking up to an alarm clock
dont want to spend my life
just waiting to drop
i sick and tired
of writing songs no one will hear (Same as someone said before: song no one's gonna hear)
i sick and tired of being the only one
grinning from ear to ear

but that's life
woah oh oh
that's life
mhm x2

this is where there would be a guitar solo but i suck at that so...
(spoken)


we got people littering in the streets
we got people driving when they got feet
we got people littering in the streets
we got people driving when they got feet

then theres i doing my own thing
i and i were doing our own thing
then theres i doing my own thing
i and i were doing our own thing
I would change this and get just one like:
we got people littering in the streets
we got people driving when they got feet
then theres i doing my own thing
i and i were doing our own thing


but that's life
woah oh oh
that's life
mhm x2

peace


But i liked the track, i didnt had to read it 2 times to understand it and feel it, you know...
Thanks for the feedback
"oh sh*t i gotta do vibrato"
-Marty Friedman

Best quote ever.
Last edited by rauLstradlinN at Sep 21, 2008,
#9
I pretty just wanna echo what most people said.
It does feel a bit unoriginal, however, I can see it working well a song.
I also had a slight issue with how many different parts there were, in terms of style etc.
I think some of the rhymes were a bit forced sounding

i sick and tired
of writing songs no one will hear
i sick and tired of being the only one
grinning from ear to ear

like that. only the last half though.

But yeah, could see it as a song. I'd just say try and get your idea more gathered and more solidly presented.

Thanks for the crit on mine.
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