#1
Honey,
I can't be your guardian angel forever.
With my arms and legs severed,
don't you know,
these paper wings aren't enough anymore?
I know I promised, and you swore,
but little kid wishes
made on little kid lashes,
don't count when you're all grown up.

Our rendezvous yesterday morning,
marked with confetti,
left me damaged and ready
for another day's mourning to begin.
Those shredded feathers,
the gore of your wings,
littered your platform for
reconciliation and the "great things ahead."

Why should I lug this pair of scraps around,
when they're tangled in my hair,
tied to my chest,
glued to my back,
due to a simple childhood request;
silly little promises that were
lies at their best,
truths at their worst?

I'll tell you,
I shouldn't, and I wouldn't,
if you didn't keep tumbling and fumbling
around in the dark,
like we did when we were kids.
Like we did when we made wishes,
on little ole eye lashes.
I'll tell you,
I shouldn't, and I wouldn't,
if you didn't need something and one thing
to hold your hand,
like we did when we were kids.
Like we did when we made wishes,
on little ole lashes--
wishes that weren't made to last.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
Last edited by nerk13 at Sep 20, 2008,
#2
dude brovo luved this
Quote by EndOfNothing656
Take out the locking nut on ur guitar man! That way u can tune whenever!

Quote by Karvid
Usernames are for the weak. I have never created a username in my life and I feel proud of that accomplishment.
#3
Yeah, I really have no complaints. Overall, very well put together, very well spoken. I didn't really get the flow of the song, but I'm sure thats just me. Excellent work.
Eschquipment:
Epiphone SG400
Peavy Vypr 30 watt
Dean Vendetta XM

and thats about it...
#4
Honey,
I can't be your guardian angel forever.
With my arms and legs severed,
don't you know,
these paper wings aren't enough anymore?
I know I promised, and you swore,
but little kid wishes
made on little kid lashes,
don't count when you're all grown up.
Nothing wrong here
Our rendezvous yesterday morning,
marked with confetti,
left me damaged and ready
for another day's mourning to begin.
Those shredded feathers,
the gore of your wings,
littered your platform for
reconciliation and the "great things ahead."

Why should I lug this pair of scraps around,
when they're tangled in my hair,
tied to my chest,
glued to my back,
due to a simple childhood request;

These lines could probably flow a bit beter
silly little promises that were
lies at their best,
truths at their worst?

I'm sure with the right rhythm this would sound great. Or is is a spoken-word thing? The last litte bit sounds a tad rushed, though

I'll tell you,

I shouldn't, and I wouldn't,
if you didn't keep tumbling and fumbling
If I follow the negatives right, "I" is doing something bad? He wouldn't if she didn't? A tad confusing
around in the dark,
like we did when we were kids.
Like we did when we made wishes,
on little ole eye lashes.
the word ole seems out of tone with the rest of the words used, but that might be my opinion
I'll tell you,
I shouldn't, and I wouldn't,
if you didn't need something and one thing
to hold your hand,
like we did when we were kids.
Like we did when we made wishes,
on little ole lashes--
wishes that weren't made to last.
__________________
#5
Thanks for all the input. Yeah, it's not a song, arca301. So ya know. Emoboxer, I meant that I wouldn't put up with the other person's troubles if they didn't need my help so much, and that I really shouldn't have to. I don't know how unclear that line is to other people, but it seems to make sense in my head. Not that that's saying much.

If either of you have something to be critted, link it and I'll get right to it.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#6
First of all, love the story. Second, i agree with emoboxer about the "ole", only because it really doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem. Sometimes the flow doesn't seem as concrete, but maybe that is deliberate. Apart from that, a solid work. Well done. Link in my sig if u wanna C4C