#1
Classified

Glance over your shoulder,
Now glance the other way
Now check who’s behind you
Be wary of what they say
Feeling uncertain?
Shrug off the feel
Hide your suspicions,
But don’t become part of the wheel

Conceal your paranoia,
Thinking gets you nowhere!
Don’t try to hide your face
For you’ve already gone there!
Now there’s no turning back
No place to put attention!
Now that you know our secret
Classified intentions!

You wish you didn’t know
You wish the thought had never dawned
You wish you hadn’t realized
You wish you were already gone!
Now strange illusions blind you,
Oh no, you didn’t see a thing,
Your fear is taking over,
Because you know that we know everything!

Conceal your paranoia,
Pull the wool back over!
Don’t try to hide your face
Become a three leaf clover!
Now there’s no turning back,
Reveal your apprehension!
Now that you know our secret,
Classified intentions!

People lie, all the time. They lie to save their job, their relationships, their bank accounts, their lives. They lie to protect, either themselves, or others. But, do you know what happens when a government lies? It crumbles! Because as soon as one man rips free of the giant curtain laid over our eyes, then, the whole world will know!


The words, you are hearing,
Tell,
No,
Truth!

The voice in your head, representing the dead!
We tell,
The
Truth!

Don’t challenge us now,
It would be an unwise decision,
We’re begging you now,
Turn away,
Turn away,
Turn away,
Turn away,
Turn away!
Eschquipment:
Epiphone SG400
Peavy Vypr 30 watt
Dean Vendetta XM

and thats about it...
Last edited by Arca301 at Sep 21, 2008,
#2
Hmm.... interesting. Has a very unique voice, I can say that much. Surprisingly, the excessive use of exclamation points, IMO, worked in this piece. Usually, that reads really cheesy for me, but I like it. It's sort of a generic concept, something done a million times, but the only really, really, really cliche and generic lines that, IMO, need to be revised or scrapped were these:

Shrug off the feel
Hide your suspicions,
But don’t become part of the wheel

The first line of this sounds chopped off and so the rhyme comes off as being extremely forced. Along with that, the line sounds clipped and screws up the flow of the piece. Sounds very awkward. The last line is VERY cliche, and the forced rhyming just makes it worse.

Don’t try to hide your face
For you’ve already gone there!

The second line is vague and I have no idea what you mean by that. Sounds like filler and a line to rhyme with the previous ones and that's it. Holds no value to the song as a whole.

No place to put attention!
Same as before. Vague. Not sure what this line is referring to.

You wish you were already gone!

Very generic and simple. IMO, this line isn't needed.

Become a three leaf clover!
Ummm... am I missing something? It's late so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume this has some metaphorical meaning behind it. If so, it's kinda odd because it's the only line in the whole song without a literal meaning. Kind of jarring when you read it. May be just me, though.

Love the italicized part. Pretty different and really interesting.

The voice in your head, representing the dead!

I found this line really cheesy. IMO.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#3
Thanks for the feedback! Yeah, immediately after writing this, I really noticed how cheesy it was, but decided to post it anyway. Im glad you found the uniqueness in it that I was aiming for. And the 3 leaf clover line is supposed to be how when looking at clovers, 99% of the time it is a 3 leaf clover. The 3 leaf clover blends in with the crowd, and is never noticed. (Yes I do realize the 4 leaf clover blends in as well, but thats beside the point). So, the authoritative figure speaking the words of the song are telling the person who has become aware of the "lies" to just shift back into the crowd. Yeah, it probably doesnt make sense. But whatever. Thanks for reading though!
Eschquipment:
Epiphone SG400
Peavy Vypr 30 watt
Dean Vendetta XM

and thats about it...