#1
And you question me about my motivations
When a list of dreams is all i ask of you
I'll lie awake all night and search for inspirations
Plotting ways to make them all come true

I'll sing you songs and tell you jokes and riddles
And win your heart one quarter at a time
With every pun and every rhyme I'm that much closer
Until we sleep in dairy inns that have no sides

I'll quote your most beloved gods and idols
Running my fingers through the notches in your spine
And as the ferris wheels carry us far far away
We'll sing our life, cause now's our chance to shine

And we'll awake to watch grandmas fall from windows
and we'll giggle as they splatter on the ground
we'll give eachother a high five with our old sneakers
jubulating about the love that we have found

(solo)

I'll be your one and only legendary super saiya-jin
I'll take you swimming in vast seas of sour cream
And as I watch you chew up sticks with your sweet pearlies
I pinch my arm, for this must be a dream

So please don't question me about my motivations
I swear a list of dreams is all i want from you
Open your heart and accept my invitation
And I promise that I'll make all your dreams come true

My list of dreams remains unwritten without you.


Yeah so I wrote this a while ago. Pretty much the only song I have finished...everyting else is all scattered with a verse there, a riff here...a few lines there.

The whole song follows a rather simple chord progression...but I have a pretty nice picking pattern to go along with it. Lots of inside jokes and things only the person who I wrote this for would truly undestand...but yeah. I dig it. Lets see if any of you do, too.
Last edited by Guns N Russians at Sep 23, 2008,
#2

I'll sing you songs and tell you jokes and riddles
And win your heart one quarter at a time
With every pun and every rhyme I'm that much closer
Until we sleep in dairy inns that have no sides ---A LOVELY start except that the rhythm is a bit off, try something like "Until we sleep in dairy inns with no sides" or something like that cause even that doesnt fit in perfectly or try "To --------- < whatever"

I'll quote your most beloved gods and idols
Running my fingers through the notches in your spine
And as the ferris wheels carries us far far away
We'll sing our life, cause now's our chance to shine

And we'll awake to watch grandmas fall from windows -----wake?
and we'll giggle as they splatter on the ground
we'll give eachother a high five with our old sneakers
jubulating about the love that we have found ----is newfound?

(solo)

I'll be your one and only legendary super saiya-jin
I'll take you swimming in vast seas of sour cream
And as I watch you chew up sticks with your sweet pearlies
I pinch my arm, for this must be a dream

So please don't question me about my motivations
I swear a list of dreams is all i want from you
Open your heart and accept my invitation
And I promise that I'll make all your dreams come true

My list of dreams remains unwritten without you. - THIS IS BLOODY GOOD!


Pretty nice,
I feel that the rhythm is very minutely off in a few places but other than that, a job very well done .
I had a few suggestions so either you could ignore, build on them or use them?

I'd give it a 8/10

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=962470
#4
Hey thanks for the feedback everyone...well, the two of you. Heh.

Luv, the places that seem of rhythm are probably still in rhythm, but I just sing them faster or slower to keep in beat. Unfortunately you can't see inside my head to actually hear what its supposed to sound like. But then again...it's probably a good thing you can't see inside my head. Oh man, you'd be scarred for life. Haha.