#1
Cause No One's Seen Tomorrow

No one's seen tomorrow,
And it keeps coming near,
So do what you want and do what you like,
And never shed a tear.

Yesterday , has long gone by,
And it's not about to change,
Like it or not, It's here to stay,
And yeah it seems so strange.

Today is all that we've got,
So handle it with care,
Once its gone you'll have no time,
And yeah it's not fair.

I'll do what I want,
I'll Do it with pride,
I'll borrow money from the mafia,
And I'll spend it and hide.

I'll Visit the most remote locations,
Ones not on any maps,
I'll live in the most expensive hotels,
Me , my guitar and my chaps.

I'll eat the most expensive food,
And I'll but the PS ten,
Cause I Haven't seen tomorrow,
So if not now then when?

I'll use every moment with care,
And my family I will love,
And Some Undying Music I'll Make,
Before I go above,

Yesterday , has long gone by,
And it's not about to change,
Like it or not, It's here to stay,
And yeah it seems so strange.

Today is all that we've got,
So handle it with care,
Once its gone you'll have no time,
And yeah it's not fair.
#2
nice work man i quite enjoyed it, nothing really to crit here actually, i really liked it, i feel the same way about life as you, i really likes the last two lines they were really effective, i also liked the third last line, it was really good aswell, it also seemed to have a good amount of flow to it, so good work, peace

c4c?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=16361566#post16361566
#3
Quote by luv090909
Cause No One's Seen Tomorrow

No one's seen tomorrow,
And it keeps coming near,
So do what you want and do what you like, ---i'd scrap the second "do"
And never shed a tear.

Yesterday , has long gone by,
And it's not about to change,
Like it or not, It's here to stay,
And yeah it seems so strange.

Today is all that we've got, ---I'd scratch the "that".
So handle it with care,
Once its gone you'll have no time,
And yeah it's not fair. --- I'd change "it's not" to "it isn't", gives it better flow

I'll do what I want,
I'll Do it with pride, --- I'll do it ALL with pride
I'll borrow money from the mafia, ---get rid of the "I'll" in this line
And I'll spend it and hide. --- And I'll spend it and I'll hide

I'll Visit the most remote locations, ---change this to something more poetic...like "distant lands" or something
Ones not on any maps, --- ones uncharted on the maps (i like the word uncharted)
I'll live in the most expensive hotels ---this line is wayy to verbose.
Me , my guitar and my chaps. ---you use "i'll" the whole time and then you mention your chaps. before and after this line you're "alone", if that makes any sence. it doesn't seem in place---


I'll eat the most expensive food, ---you use the word "expensive" again. change one of the two to something else.
And I'll but the PS ten, ---not sure what this means
Cause I Haven't seen tomorrow,
So if not now then when?

I'll use every moment with care, ---with "great" care
And my family I will love, --- "I'll" love
And Some Undying Music I'll Make, --- And Undying Music I will Make
Before I go above,

Yesterday , has long gone by,
And it's not about to change,
Like it or not, It's here to stay,
And yeah it seems so strange.

Today is all that we've got, ---once again, scratch the "that"
So handle it with care,
Once its gone you'll have no time,
And yeah it's not fair.--- it's not~> It isn't



Most of the things i noticed were things off rhythm (at least in my head when reading it...it could be much different the way you picture it). The 5th and 6th verses (about hotels, food) seem very similar. Maybe try to condense them into one. I really like the "Yesterday", "today" and "tommorow" verses. You have a good finish, though maybe you want to add a variation of the "tommorow" verse you started with somewhere in the end to give the song some sort of conclusion...a final thought. Make Jerry Springer proud, heh.

Another little thing that you could to give the song better flow is to synchronize the "time' verses. Cause now you have "tommorow" > "yesterday" > "today". It jumps around and subliminaly makes the flow kinda off. I recommend changing it to "yesterday" > "today" > "tommorow". I think it will give the song MUCH better direction.

(digging even deeper)
the "food" verse transitioning to the "i'll use every moment" verse seems kinda off. Also in that "every moment verse", try to find another way of saying that. Cause you use the word care in the two "Today" verses.

Personally, unless a certain word is a INTRICATE part of a song, (like, the name of the song or a word I REALLY wanna emphasize) I try to use synonyms or allusions or metaphors. Maybe try to scatter a few of those...but at the same time don't make it seem forced.

The overall idea of the song and the message you are putting out is a good one, "live your life to the fullest cause no one knows what tommorow's gonna bring".
Heh, I hope you don't think I was being too rough. It's a good song overall but with some changes and tweaks I think it could be even better. Keep on writing.
Last edited by Guns N Russians at Sep 23, 2008,