#1
Dear Lonely Men and Women,
I'm not here to inspire anyone to change the world. Thats what people like Martin Luther King and T.S Eliot are for. I'm here to remind people on a bad day that there are other people that are more fucked up and in deeper shit than them. For some reason that makes the human race feel better. Knowing that there are people dying all over the world, inside and out, and that we aren't one of them. My teachers at school always liked to remind me that I had it so good, not being one of those starving children in Africa. I think they were right. But if I starve myself and then go to Africa I have a feeling I still wouldn't be accepted.
Acceptance,
thats another thing we all crave. I found it in the bottom of a bottle in the back of a church. Ironic huh? God is supposed to be this cosmic kill joy but for some reason he didn't strike me down for drinking in his house. I hope you all find your acceptance somewhere, somewhere inside of you, or inside of someone else, literally or figuratively. But if you force your acceptance on a woman, and take her innocence, than you my friend deserve to be fed to my dogs.

We all run from things sometimes. God, friends, money, ourselves, etc. and they always catch up to us. its like the guys that try to outrun the cops when obviously you have no where else to go. might as well embrace it, and if you cant roll up a blunt and deny it.

well its time for me to get off my pulpit and pull out my pistol.

Love,
Everyone who was never here in the first place.
#2
Its very blunt and honest, which is the key for this piece, of course. I really enjoyed the delivery, and there were some real killer hits in there that kept my interest high. I might get back to this, as I have nothing more to say, but it was definitly worth the read.
#3
Quote by bluesybilly
Dear Lonely Men and Women,
I'm not here to inspire anyone to change the world. Thats what people like Martin Luther King and T.S Eliot are for. I'm here to remind people on a bad day that there are other people that are more fucked up and in deeper shit than them. For some reason that makes the human race feel better. Knowing that there are people dying all over the world, inside and out, and that we aren't one of them. My teachers at school always liked to remind me that I had it so good, not being one of those starving children in Africa. I think they were right. But if I starve myself and then go to Africa I have a feeling I still wouldn't be accepted.
Acceptance,
thats another thing we all crave. I found it in the bottom of a bottle in the back of a church. Ironic huh? God is supposed to be this cosmic kill joy but for some reason he didn't strike me down for drinking in his house. I hope you all find your acceptance somewhere, somewhere inside of you, or inside of someone else, literally or figuratively. But if you force your acceptance on a woman, and take her innocence, than you my friend deserve to be fed to my dogs.

We all run from things sometimes. God, friends, money, ourselves, etc. and they always catch up to us. its like the guys that try to outrun the cops when obviously you have no where else to go. might as well embrace it, and if you cant roll up a blunt and deny it.

well its time for me to get off my pulpit and pull out my pistol.

Love,
Everyone who was never here in the first place.


That came from nowhere.
I like it because it just interrupts the preachy-ness.

Mentioning King kinda set it up, and drinking in church.
Sounds like someone trying to rationalize the evil they are about to unleash.

I hope you're not gunna go kill some people in a couple hours.
#4
But if I starve myself and then go to Africa I have a feeling I still wouldn't be accepted.

^that was golden. Everything else was ok. It seemed to get so caught up in its own bluntness that it forgot to carry on. There were parts I re-read twice because the piece just didn't keep me moving, I was wondering in my head. The alone line about the pulpit was good too.


I guess my main issue is that this is "trying to hard" to me. It doesn't feel viscous, it flows a bit like concrete. And you can argue that prose doesn't need to flow, but I mean "flow" in the sense of ideas leading into one another and just sort pulling my eyes down the page. And this didn't have that for me. Could just be personal taste, but I dunno... I usually love blunt like this; there was just some reserve from me because this didn't feel completely honest, but more a bit contrived.

I'll shut up now, I'm just rambling.
#5
I thought 'hmmm, writings I shall comment on!'

and then decided that I'll take this as a benchmark piece and leave it there.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#6
When you started venturing into acceptance, this developed a nice vibe to it - well more evil and depressing, but it was very effective at doing that.

Zach explained what I thought quite well, I don't feel I have anything more to add, but the more people the better, I guess.
I didn't notice you trying to hard to be blunt, I believe it came across as a very strong thought, conjured from the heart. Thats just my opiniong. What this lacks is anything actually interesting. It was just dull to read.
Prose is difficult to write in when being this blunt because it just seems to turn out force or damned boring. I find it to be almost like reading a very small book, going nowhere and hitting nothing other than a theme. A kids book would of kept me more interested than this did, although they don't really have as harsh and 'hardcore' topics, they still know how to tangle the reader in a bunch of thoughts, interesting or not.

Digitally Clean