#1
In conjunction with the song in my sig for music, 'Suicide of a God'.

It's a Depressive Black Metal/Hardcore piece, C4C, and please listen to the song for more of an idea of the mood. Cheers.


My end was justified by a vision, and nothing more
Simply a mirage on the sand of our peaceful city
The believers flocked to their foe
He fell to the ground below

Blood drenched the sand

I feel betrayed
No pain has touched another man as the pain that swells in my chest
In death I watch my race continue, with nothing but hate
This malicious breed of being will suffer for all eternity
The hands of my pain filled heart will show no mercy

I summon Satan as my guardian
Lord of wrath, revenge and judgement
I will never walk without Him
One by one, the cities of man fall
Our allegiance shows no flaw, no sign of failure
We flaunt our power as the world before us crumbles
But no damage on my part can stop the agony
The agony that only I can resolve

Their screams mimic ecstacy
Their pain creates joy in my soul
Their screams remind me of my untimely death
Their pain reminds me that I have nothing left

Their screams trigger thoughts of helplessness and suffering
Their pain mimics that of my own very existence
Their screams trigger acts of hopeless mutilation
Their pain is felt as my blood drips to the floor

I can’t live any longer, I can’t take this pain
Take me away from here, another place, another day
The blood soaked grave I lay in, my final bed
Has offered me my final comfort, I’m filled with joy when dead

My pain has ended with the ultimate of all sacrifices
Bleeding wounds promote the only joy of life
Six feet under, I can rest and bathe in darkness
My name forgotten, my spirit rotting with my corpse
I offered pondered what the feeling of death was like
And now I know, it’s like heroine

I feel nothing
#2
Nice. one time in school i had to make a parody of some song for a project and that was pretty good but this is awesome. keep it up
Quote by Jaymz_515
I pretend I'm a huge spider laying eggs, then when I flush the toilet I fall to floor screaming "MY CHILLLDRENN!! NOOOO!"


If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
- Mitch Hedberg
#4
My end was justified by a vision


Uh, isnt that "my end was justified" a bit sort of motivated by slipknots "before i forget"

My end
It justifies my means
All I ever do is delay
My every attempt to evade
The end of the road and my end
It justifies my means
All I ever do is delay
My every attempt to evade
THE END OF THE ROAD!


just wondering. flame me lol
#5
So because I use the same word as one Slipknot song, I've scabbed from it?

Here's what the song is about -


I am a Muslim leader, one that took the place of Mohammad when he died. Another prophet has come along and spread that God wants me dead. The vision (the messaged from God) is the reason I am dead, which is why I put that line in.

After I die, I become a God, because I have served the prophet so well. While I look over humanity, I begin to hate them more and more and summon Satan (yeah, crossing over religions) to accompany me on this reign of terror.

I realise afterwards that the deaths of all of these people are the same as mine, and the guilt is so much I end my own life.


It was like, a story that pretty much represents my last two months or so. Thanks for your comments so far everyone, but more criticism on words and structure would be appreciated.

Thanks
#6
Structure looks great.
"their screams mimic ecstacy" to "their pain is felt as my blood drips to the floor". That little section has intense breakdown written all over it.
Great job!
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#7
Thanks dude, did you listen to the song? If you did, it's where the "Doom" section is, the first stanza is whispered with a haunting kind of pain in the voice, and then the next stanza gets louder and louder. I'm talking about the "their screams mimic ecstacy" part.

Cheers for your crit, dude.
#8
proof that a metal song can have great lyrics. Very well written, gets the message across perfectly, highly emotion driven. I can feel the hate and anger and pain reading the words. Fantastic. Especially love the repetion during this section:
Their screams mimic ecstacy
Their pain creates joy in my soul
Their screams remind me of my untimely death
Their pain reminds me that I have nothing left

Their screams trigger thoughts of helplessness and suffering
Their pain mimics that of my own very existence
Their screams trigger acts of hopeless mutilation
Their pain is felt as my blood drips to the floor

Especially the last two lines. This section amde the song for me. Fantastic!