#1
That night, the moon was only half aware of our existence,
as we shuddered vaguely into veiw,
the hoods of our sweaters up,
causing chaos through the night.
We will live like this forever.

Strange feelings like this arent supposed to last,
you took my hand in yours,
"I'm just... confused."
I let you take your time.
I watched as you made your regrets, and
let every one of them make their mark on yourself.

I don't know how to say I'm sorry anymore,
not for any of this.
You let me take myself to far,
you led me into this,
but I knew what you were doing,
every step of the way.

I will destroy myself this way,
one breath at a time,
every inhale I make,
I chose which road to follow.
I have only myself to blame.


blahblah
c4c
not my best, sorry.
Last edited by inthegreyx at Sep 24, 2008,
#2
i thought it was a reasonable effort.
i enjoyed the opening two stanza's, they worked well together and gather momentum. however i didn't really like the third stanza. it just wasn't at the same level as the rest of the piece, which makes the final stanza a little redundant. if i was you i'd contemplate trying to re work your ideas in the final parts of the piece.
Quote by Jaret Reddick
wake me up when september ends makes me cry evry time!

emos forever
:-(