#4
it's very generic i'm afraid - basically just vary note lengths in the main riffs and the notes you use, play chords on one guitar whilst riffing with the other etc. None of the riffs are bad but they really need a bit of colour or variation to make your piece stand out from almost any other metalcore song. Sorry i can't give a full crit right now but I will do in about 8 hours time when i get back from work
#6
I'm not into As I Lay Dying or Metalcore in general.. I occasionally listen to some of that stuff.. I thought your song sounded much like a "real" metalcore song.. Can't provide more help thou.. sorry. keep it up!
#8
no kidding on the "As I lay Dying -Style", it very much treads their basic patterns, sometimes much too close for my liking (as it wasn't hard for me, or anyone who knows them, to more or less point out from which AILD song the obvious inspiration for each riff came).

However, even as you replicate the riffs of AILD pretty much carbon-copy, the end result still sounds less punching and more uninspired 'metalcore-by-the-numbers' than the original itself (considering even that AILD themselves aren't quite reknown for their daring originality or innovation).

Let's just start at the intro, for example: Simply slugging the open root chord for 12 bars is a pretty weak way to start off the song. It doesn't kick as much as a heads-on approach with a driving introductory riff would - and if you had consciously set this up to provide some sort of contrast with the faster verse, it's still too tedious and doesn't engage the listener right away. If you still want to keep the basic dynamic to get some sort of buildup done, I'd rather suggest adding some more melodic elements to the introduction.

Next up I noticed a minor quibble, which may be more theoretical in nature, but is still relevant: The verse riff should be notated with an anacrusis (= pull the riff an eightnote forward), so it matches up with the drumbeat (which should be snare on 2 and 4 instead of 2+ and 4+). The current notation still gets the basic job done, but later on it becomes apparent that your rhythms are off when you switch between straight 4/4 patterns and anacrusis rhythms.

The main riff itself wasn't the most original I've ever heard, it does the basic metalcore 0000-8888 progression thing, which (unless you have a really kicking riff or some innovative twist to it) most people are sick and tired of by now. There wasn't much movement in the melody notes, and especially the drumbeat felt really weak so that the segment communicated no punch at all. A slight speedup would help here, too.

Chorus riff had some more direction in the melody notes. Certainly generic, but at least manages to stand above other lackluster riffs.

Bridge riff is where the similarity to certain AILD songs becomes too close for my personal taste. I'm not even talking about ripoff here, it's just the fact that if I want to hear this kind of stuff I'd rather simply go with the original. Funny though, this might be the best one segment riff in the whole song.

I don't really have much to offer in the way of improvement advice: It is pretty obvious what you were aiming for, AILD, and I respect that. It's also easy to see that you applied a few of those key style elements, and none of them itself are 'wrong' (ie: you succeded in the sense that all your riffs sound like basic AILD riffs). So with all the right elements in place, what is it that still just doesn't make this 'click' with me as much as the original does ? The answer would be something fuzzy that isn't of much constructive help to you, so we may just chalk it up to another case of 'artist's secret ingredient': For example, it's pretty easy to spot and replicate the key elements that make up the style of ACDC. And then it's pretty easy to make a song that 'sounds like ACDC' - but despite (or because?) this, it's pretty hard to make a song then that sounds 'as good as ACDC'. You know what I'm getting at, here ?
So I can't just simply say 'scrap and back to the drawing board' with this one, because the riffs are as good as it gets for what you aimed at (as close to AILD as possible without being overly flagrant). You can maybe try out other devices AILD uses (esp. in the department of lead melodies, missing here), the drumbeat needs definetly more focus to punch, and the arrangement/order of riffs can be improved to give more direction.
Keep it up!
#10
Quote by Evangelion 00
wat do u mean by real tho? haha


"real" as in "this song could be on an As I Lay Dying album"..
#12
ok well back from work so here goes - safe to say I agree with a lot of what Ailes said though:

First of all the intro is boring. There's no progression, just a drum beat (which by the way is off...the snare with the grace note just puts it out of sync). I don't know if you like them, seems nobody really does, but you would do well to look at what Trivium do with a lot of their intros (check the tabs for Down From The Sky and Kirisute Gomen for examples) - it's amazing what a simple lead will do to spice up a bland chord sequence.

The main riff isn't bad but we've heard it so many times in different variations, both here in T&C and in standard metalcore. The D - D - Bb - A rhythm is horrifically overused, look for a variation in either your root notes or put another lead over it or something. Anything to just make it more interesting. It's a bit better when you harmonise it, but again it's nothing unusual. The verse riff however, I do like - but I think you can do more with it. Fiddle about with it, see what you can come up with, but there's serious potential there. I really like the switch from the chugs to the chords.

The Bridge is more of the same really - nothing groundbreaking here. Try having one guitar play chords and another play leads over it. Either that or come up with an interesting chord progression (KSE's Rose Of Sharyn Pre-Chorus springs to mind). The fade out could also do with a lead solo over it to my ears, something to break up the constant chugging of the D string.

Basically, it's not bad but it's nothing I haven't heard before. Sorry if I seem harsh but I'm a firm believer in giving people things to work on . But yeah, if I had a penny for every time I've seen a variant on that D - D - Bb - A riff, I'd have a lot of pennies. Have a look at different keys, have a look at other people on here's work (NovemberRain, zakatak, myself :P), but above all study other bands and what they do and WHY it works. Message me if you want me to show you what I mean and i'll edit your gpro file with some ideas and send it back. Keep writing though, it's amazing how much that helps!

Ben

EDIT : with regard to c4c, i'll probably post a new song in a week or so, i'll send you a message. Cheers
Last edited by b101 at Sep 26, 2008,
#13
i thought it was a solid effort, once again, nothing ground breaking but it was solid, i was waiting for a face melting shred solo though (don't listen to much metal core) but it was a fair effort. BTW, if you have GP5.2, change your guitars to les Pauls and change the amp tone to a british stack Dist with a metal pedal, sounds so much more authentic.

C4C@ https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=964516
Quote by Roc8995
I ran into some fingering issues. I can get it up to speed the way I've been fingering it, but I'm wondering if you guys have any better ideas, because it seems like there should be an easier way to finger this.


Don't worry there is Roc, there is
#14
isnt this an as i lay dying song? lol, im just kidding.

it IS kinda generic, nothing special, tbh, but its not a bad song. the intro riff, its catchy, but it could be better improvised, like maybe not playing the same melody for all four bars of the line, changing it up a little. i like the chorus riff. i think it would be way cool to have a speed-up during a part of the song. just sorta like a climax if you will. i guess its not a very instrumental-ish song, it would probably sound better with good vocals on it. work from here! mix it up and open the circle up a bit. you had a good idea for the riff, but its only like one or two, how about coming up with more of those and putting it in the song?

critique mine if you have the time http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=964469