#1
This is a major rewrite of a song I've had for awhile. C4C!!

a standing still life
somehow inertia wins
as time goes from ahead to behind
and the flames rise

i break the surface for one last time
somehow i see through lifes lies
now i see the sky
and the light floods my vision
now through open eyes

CHORUS:

i've sank so very far
i move in every direction
but the one i still have faith for
i am so far apart
yet i converge in realization

now i hold no illusions
so many other places ive been
yet all to one destination
like everyday in a life
counting down to execution

you knew what i would become
you know what my mistakes have done
and now that i've gained new vision
i cover my eyes
such a disfigured life

CHORUS:

i've sank so very far
i move in every direction
but the one i still have faith for
it's all so far apart

now in the midst
of a world up in smoke
my deformities revert
and now the fears of failure
completely shatter
bring back what matters
don't i still know you, lord?
cure these phobias forever

i consent to regress again
the cycle thrives
but you have a hand in this life
you turn it all around

you knew what i would become
you know what my mistakes have done
yet your love for me
betrays all failures
you believe in me like i never could
We're only strays.
#2
This is a song where depending on what kind of instrumental you put behind it, could kill it or save it. The delivery of each line would be important too, as the way I hear it in my head, it doesn't sound very good. Also, I would not just do a chorus after a chorus. Throw in another verse and possibly a bridge or solo. Overall, I would say, if you can, record this song, as I do want to hear how YOU invision it to sound, because then it actually might be very very good.

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=966497
Last edited by swgb24 at Sep 27, 2008,
#3
the lyrics were pretty good,reading this didnt really flow all that great but after listening to the actual song,youve meshed it nicely. I also like how you stop singing and go to the speaking stanza than back to singing.some guitar parts were very cool,but i think you should try n add a vibrato to every other riff. A nice piece though and the recording was pretty good too. thx 4 critng "A Little Prayer"

cheers!
#4
I didn't really understand the flow of it,

But I really liked the

now i see the sky
and the light floods my vision
now through open eyes


part it was really good.

as what swegb24 said It matters on the instrumental part but all in all good lyrics!

C4C?